Wednesday, March 10, 2004
Thoughts About Me
I've been doing some thinking today. Not too strange actually. I think a lot everyday. Too much, in fact.
Anyway, I found out something abt myself.
I wanted to die before. Still wanted to. But dun worry I'm not gonna do anything foolish. Suicide is dumb.
And not to mention the fact that I'm too much of a coward to die.
I hated my life, wanted to be free of it. Yet I cling on desperately to it for I was afraid.
A coward. That was all I am. All I can be. All I will be.
But harken to my words, I feared death not because of the usual reasons. I didn't mind physical death. What I feared was that my mind would die along with it.
I have never lost consciousness except when I was asleep. The thought of never ever being able to think, to learn, to understand, is a terrifying thought to one who loathes not to let my mind stop working.
Oh well. Life is like that. Maybe one day I will find someone or something strong enough to kill me. Ah well.
Til next time then.
]
Anyway, I found out something abt myself.
I wanted to die before. Still wanted to. But dun worry I'm not gonna do anything foolish. Suicide is dumb.
And not to mention the fact that I'm too much of a coward to die.
I hated my life, wanted to be free of it. Yet I cling on desperately to it for I was afraid.
A coward. That was all I am. All I can be. All I will be.
But harken to my words, I feared death not because of the usual reasons. I didn't mind physical death. What I feared was that my mind would die along with it.
I have never lost consciousness except when I was asleep. The thought of never ever being able to think, to learn, to understand, is a terrifying thought to one who loathes not to let my mind stop working.
Oh well. Life is like that. Maybe one day I will find someone or something strong enough to kill me. Ah well.
Til next time then.
