Saturday, December 31, 2005
Haiz.
Here I am.
Wait...what the hell am I doing here???
I thought I was gonna do my Pretear fic again.
I feel kinda sad. No new reviews yet. Sigh...
Ah well.
Maybe because everybody is gonna be out countdowning to the New Year. Big deal.
Never mind I'll go write stuff. Cya.
]
Here I am.
Wait...what the hell am I doing here???
I thought I was gonna do my Pretear fic again.
I feel kinda sad. No new reviews yet. Sigh...
Ah well.
Maybe because everybody is gonna be out countdowning to the New Year. Big deal.
Never mind I'll go write stuff. Cya.
Friday, December 30, 2005
I've been feeling bitchy and grumpy for 2 days now.
No, it has nothing to do with my period. I've already had it last week.
Wonder why its called a period though. Technically its "menstruation". How it managed to evolve into being called a period, I have no idea.
Anyway, its probably a case of PMS. As in, Post-Menstrual Syndrome.
The 'P' in PMS could just as easily have stood for Past, Post or even Presently.
That's why women get away with so many things. Just say 'PMS' and it explains everything. Haha. ^__^
Sigh.
What is wrong with me?
I have no idea.
Do you?
]
No, it has nothing to do with my period. I've already had it last week.
Wonder why its called a period though. Technically its "menstruation". How it managed to evolve into being called a period, I have no idea.
Anyway, its probably a case of PMS. As in, Post-Menstrual Syndrome.
The 'P' in PMS could just as easily have stood for Past, Post or even Presently.
That's why women get away with so many things. Just say 'PMS' and it explains everything. Haha. ^__^
Sigh.
What is wrong with me?
I have no idea.
Do you?
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Back.
I know that was quick. Don't care.
I'm feeling angrier and depressed-er. (I know there's no such word but I don't care now)
And here I was hoping that I'd gotten over the angsty teenager period.
I got over the pre-pubescent (sp?) era of childish immaturity fairly quickly. I took one short nap, and slept right through it.
I can't even remember being pre-pubescent-ish. I only remember childhood, then angsty adolescence. I skipped over the pre-teen era somehow.
Being angry for no reason other than the fact that I'm angry. Feeling destructive.
In other words, angsty.
It's stupid, beyond idiotic. Can't take it. Why am I doing this to myself?
The only recompense is that I'm writing lots of poems again.
Sigh.
I think I'll go read some mindless hack-and-slash fic for a while. Or smut. Doesn't matter.
I just don't want to think.
]
I know that was quick. Don't care.
I'm feeling angrier and depressed-er. (I know there's no such word but I don't care now)
And here I was hoping that I'd gotten over the angsty teenager period.
I got over the pre-pubescent (sp?) era of childish immaturity fairly quickly. I took one short nap, and slept right through it.
I can't even remember being pre-pubescent-ish. I only remember childhood, then angsty adolescence. I skipped over the pre-teen era somehow.
Being angry for no reason other than the fact that I'm angry. Feeling destructive.
In other words, angsty.
It's stupid, beyond idiotic. Can't take it. Why am I doing this to myself?
The only recompense is that I'm writing lots of poems again.
Sigh.
I think I'll go read some mindless hack-and-slash fic for a while. Or smut. Doesn't matter.
I just don't want to think.
Young Forever
We smile, laugh
Sing in joy
Dance, cry
Party all night
You said,
"This is our night"
I said,
"This is the night"
We thought it would last forever;
We thought it could be like this-----
All day, all night
Everlasting til the end of the ride.
It was all too soon
We stop and see
Laughter ceased
And we realise----------
Much too late,
No more time
Caught in the wheel of life,
The journey over.
If only it could have lasted
If only it could have been forever
If only we knew, but we didn't
And so it ends
At this time
In this dream
We laugh, sing, cry and shout:
----We'll be young forever!
=====================================
I'm feeling down. Really down. Grumpy. It never ends. All my best stuff come off my pain.
Well Devil, liking what you're doing to me? I hate you, love you, want to beat you up then kiss you.
Never mind.
Quote:
Save me from the nothing I've become...
--Evanescence, Bring Me To Life
]
We smile, laugh
Sing in joy
Dance, cry
Party all night
You said,
"This is our night"
I said,
"This is the night"
We thought it would last forever;
We thought it could be like this-----
All day, all night
Everlasting til the end of the ride.
It was all too soon
We stop and see
Laughter ceased
And we realise----------
Much too late,
No more time
Caught in the wheel of life,
The journey over.
If only it could have lasted
If only it could have been forever
If only we knew, but we didn't
And so it ends
At this time
In this dream
We laugh, sing, cry and shout:
----We'll be young forever!
=====================================
I'm feeling down. Really down. Grumpy. It never ends. All my best stuff come off my pain.
Well Devil, liking what you're doing to me? I hate you, love you, want to beat you up then kiss you.
Never mind.
Quote:
Save me from the nothing I've become...
--Evanescence, Bring Me To Life
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Demon
You were always there-----
Hating crushing loving me
Rain, shine, dark or light-----
Whispers tender sweet and soft
Never leaving nor forsaking-----
Growling snarling howling me down
In times of sorrow and times of light-----
Gently brushing clawing bleeding......
You were always there-----
Tasting savoring chuckling soft
By my side a dark angel-----
Shielding protecting hurting me dear
In life we seek, in death risen anew-----
Taunting goading driving me on
We move forward as one-----
Crying sighing stroking......
You were always there-----
Smirking cold in tight embrace
When I needed you------
Quietly softly rocking me asleep
When I hated you------
Circling twisting bleeding me dry
All I ever wanted-----
Slickly corrupting draining turning......
You were always there-----
Mindless souless more than real
My Friend-----
Whispering pushing moving me along
My Demon-----
Ripping shredding tearing into me
My Lover------
Come, let us dance......
========================================
Well here it is. A poem within a poem. I came up with the idea while on my way back from buying dinner. It's strange how my best ideas come from simple things like that......
And yeah I know, its wrong in all the right ways. Don't you think its beautiful the way it is?
I know I do.
]
You were always there-----
Hating crushing loving me
Rain, shine, dark or light-----
Whispers tender sweet and soft
Never leaving nor forsaking-----
Growling snarling howling me down
In times of sorrow and times of light-----
Gently brushing clawing bleeding......
You were always there-----
Tasting savoring chuckling soft
By my side a dark angel-----
Shielding protecting hurting me dear
In life we seek, in death risen anew-----
Taunting goading driving me on
We move forward as one-----
Crying sighing stroking......
You were always there-----
Smirking cold in tight embrace
When I needed you------
Quietly softly rocking me asleep
When I hated you------
Circling twisting bleeding me dry
All I ever wanted-----
Slickly corrupting draining turning......
You were always there-----
Mindless souless more than real
My Friend-----
Whispering pushing moving me along
My Demon-----
Ripping shredding tearing into me
My Lover------
Come, let us dance......
========================================
Well here it is. A poem within a poem. I came up with the idea while on my way back from buying dinner. It's strange how my best ideas come from simple things like that......
And yeah I know, its wrong in all the right ways. Don't you think its beautiful the way it is?
I know I do.
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
I finished it! I actually finished something!
The Kei/Mawata fic I was talking about in my last post. Usually I don't act on my impulses...that much.
Ok so it was a one shot. Although I know it could have been extended. Maybe I'll put up another Kei/Mawata one shot when I have the mood to write one. Maybe.
Writing about Mawata is damn easy for me. It's like writing about myself, so no need to even get into character.
Writing about Kei won't be that difficult. The good half of me is somewhat like Kei (yeah hard to believe), and even if it wasn't, its relatively easy to submerge into Kei's psyche.
I just love the Kei/Mawata pairing. There's not enough of those around. Only two, and they aren't even the main pairing! Ugh...
Ok I better stop now and go look around the site. I'm bored...
]
The Kei/Mawata fic I was talking about in my last post. Usually I don't act on my impulses...that much.
Ok so it was a one shot. Although I know it could have been extended. Maybe I'll put up another Kei/Mawata one shot when I have the mood to write one. Maybe.
Writing about Mawata is damn easy for me. It's like writing about myself, so no need to even get into character.
Writing about Kei won't be that difficult. The good half of me is somewhat like Kei (yeah hard to believe), and even if it wasn't, its relatively easy to submerge into Kei's psyche.
I just love the Kei/Mawata pairing. There's not enough of those around. Only two, and they aren't even the main pairing! Ugh...
Ok I better stop now and go look around the site. I'm bored...
Was thinking about suicide.
No, I wasn't going to commit suicide stupid, I was thinking of it as a topic.
Actually I was thinking more of the depression aspect. Sinking into darkness, an endless pit.
I have got to stop the goth-poet thing right about now.
You know, a thought occured to me while I was watching Pretear last night (or this morning if you want to be picky), and watching Mawata, I felt a sudden pang at how similar we were in character.
"Nobody understands me! Nobody has tried to understand me! We might live in the same house but we aren't family!"
That was what she said. And suddenly an old wound opened. For me.
Like a kindred spirit. We see each other in the darkness.
Mawata lost her father as a child. As a child, she was forced to be strong, to put up a strong front for her mother, who had collapsed emotionally. She had to be strong, so that her mother would not need to worry about her. Sound familiar yet?
In doing so, she internalised all her pain. She cried inwardly, never letting her pain and hurt show. With every smile, she cut a fresh, deep wound into her heart. With every comforting word, she built a wall around herself, brick by brick.
What she needed was a hand, a hand extended in understanding and comfort. All she needed was someone to hold her, let her weep, let all the pain come out. Someone to guide her out of the darkness that surrounded her.
In the end, I don't know what happened to Mawata yet, since I haven't finished the series. I do know she was rescued by Himeno somehow, saved from the grasp of darkness (quite literally).
Great now I have an excellent fic idea floating in my head. You did know that I'm a Kei/Mawata shipper, don't you?
A pity that there are so few of them around. Only two by my last count.
It seems rather perfect actually. Kei, the Knight of Light, would be rather suited to bring Mawata out from her own personal darkness. Never mind that Kei looks way too much like a girl.
Alright, while I listen to Evanescence's Bring Me To Life, I shall go write it and hope it turns out well.
]
No, I wasn't going to commit suicide stupid, I was thinking of it as a topic.
Actually I was thinking more of the depression aspect. Sinking into darkness, an endless pit.
I have got to stop the goth-poet thing right about now.
You know, a thought occured to me while I was watching Pretear last night (or this morning if you want to be picky), and watching Mawata, I felt a sudden pang at how similar we were in character.
"Nobody understands me! Nobody has tried to understand me! We might live in the same house but we aren't family!"
That was what she said. And suddenly an old wound opened. For me.
Like a kindred spirit. We see each other in the darkness.
Mawata lost her father as a child. As a child, she was forced to be strong, to put up a strong front for her mother, who had collapsed emotionally. She had to be strong, so that her mother would not need to worry about her. Sound familiar yet?
In doing so, she internalised all her pain. She cried inwardly, never letting her pain and hurt show. With every smile, she cut a fresh, deep wound into her heart. With every comforting word, she built a wall around herself, brick by brick.
What she needed was a hand, a hand extended in understanding and comfort. All she needed was someone to hold her, let her weep, let all the pain come out. Someone to guide her out of the darkness that surrounded her.
In the end, I don't know what happened to Mawata yet, since I haven't finished the series. I do know she was rescued by Himeno somehow, saved from the grasp of darkness (quite literally).
Great now I have an excellent fic idea floating in my head. You did know that I'm a Kei/Mawata shipper, don't you?
A pity that there are so few of them around. Only two by my last count.
It seems rather perfect actually. Kei, the Knight of Light, would be rather suited to bring Mawata out from her own personal darkness. Never mind that Kei looks way too much like a girl.
Alright, while I listen to Evanescence's Bring Me To Life, I shall go write it and hope it turns out well.
Listening to BoA's new song, Everlasting.
I think I like it. It's a nice ballad...one of those that you would expect to hear in heartrending drama sequences. You know, that kind. >__<
I kept thinking of Rumbling Hearts' ending theme when I hear Everlasting. It's that kind of song. Doh.
It's calming, soothing, and reminds me that BoA is also a great singer to boot. Her voice has really matured over the years, and her singing skills as well.
Eagerly anticipating the full, high quality version. Not sure when it'll come out, but I'm almost certain it will be before the single comes to Singapore. I'll buy the single for the cover. It showcases her sweet purity along with her evident maturity.
Therefore I must have it. Lol. ^__^
I typed a very long reply to one of the serious discussion topics in the BoAjjang forums. I guess it is in me to type GP-ish essays even though...well...its not particularly necessary to do so? Occupational hazard...
Here's the post for curious people. Discussing the Japan-China issue.
I agree with goodkarma. Japan has apologised before, but honestly, there will be a minority who will not be able to accept it, no matter how sincere or apologetic.
Personally, I feel that the Japanese public has difficulty accepting this "national guilt" of theirs, especially the younger generation who has nothing to do with the war save for their parents and elders. It's hard to accept wrongdoing when the mistakes have been made by the older generation, and besides, we do like to keep a good opinion of ourselves, our country, and the people we love. It's almost like a case of the sins of the past being visited on the present. It's inevitable in a sense, you did all those stuff in the war, its not easy for people to forget.
Anyway, the outbreak of rabid anti-Japanese sentiment in China, as well as in South Korea (except to a slightly smaller extent), is probably an offshoot of the remaining memories of the war as well as the current affairs of the world (Japan applying for a permanent seat on the UN Security Council). Nationalism is all very well and good, but sometimes it can be dangerous, especially when you give them something they have reason to hate, like Japan's war past.
In my humble opinion, the Chinese government seems to be exploiting the situation to some degree. They know that their citizens already have a vendetta against Japan, and they can use public anger as leverage against Japan in political issues. In a sense, its more of a political issue than actual emotional outbursts against a painful part of history. I'm not saying that there are no real emotions behind the upsurge of protests, I'm just saying that the situation has been manipulated to China's advantage.
But I agree that Japan should not have whitewashed their history books. The only way to move forward to the future is to accept the past, and if the Japanese public remain clueless about their past, they will never be able to advance as the neighboring nations will continue to harangue them to do so.
Also, Junichiro Koizumi (Japan's PM), while he does have reasons of his own to visit the Yasukuni war shrine, it seems somewhat politically insensitive of him to do so. Yes, he wants to honor the war dead, but unfortunately, war criminals are housed there too. The whole situation has been imploded by people to have a bone to pick with Japan, but the Japanese government should have been more sensitive in the first place.
I have a feeling that the whole Japan-China issue has more to do than the lingering wounds of past mistakes. It has more to do with the balance of power in the East Asian region. Japan has spent the last few decades trying to establish itself as the dominant power in the region, with the help of the US. The rise of China threatens their position, and the Chinese know it. The motives of the Chinese government are unclear, but it is certain that they hold considerable economical influence in the region, and thus, a lot of political clout. In trying to outmanuver each other in this game of political high stakes, certain skeletons in the closet end up being hung out to see for all and sundry.
I think I went somewhat off point to analyse the situation, but its my take on the issue. Incidentally, my own great-grandmother died when the Japanese invaded, and I lost a couple of other relatives too. But I don't feel resentment towards Japan. That is all in the past, and I see no reason to hate the children for their elders' mistakes. That's my viewpoint.
Yeah that was my line of argument in general. It isn't really that GP-ish, but it sounded like political commentary. Maybe I should pursue a career in diplomacy? (lol)
Ok I'll stop now. Be back some time.
]
I think I like it. It's a nice ballad...one of those that you would expect to hear in heartrending drama sequences. You know, that kind. >__<
I kept thinking of Rumbling Hearts' ending theme when I hear Everlasting. It's that kind of song. Doh.
It's calming, soothing, and reminds me that BoA is also a great singer to boot. Her voice has really matured over the years, and her singing skills as well.
Eagerly anticipating the full, high quality version. Not sure when it'll come out, but I'm almost certain it will be before the single comes to Singapore. I'll buy the single for the cover. It showcases her sweet purity along with her evident maturity.
Therefore I must have it. Lol. ^__^
I typed a very long reply to one of the serious discussion topics in the BoAjjang forums. I guess it is in me to type GP-ish essays even though...well...its not particularly necessary to do so? Occupational hazard...
Here's the post for curious people. Discussing the Japan-China issue.
I agree with goodkarma. Japan has apologised before, but honestly, there will be a minority who will not be able to accept it, no matter how sincere or apologetic.
Personally, I feel that the Japanese public has difficulty accepting this "national guilt" of theirs, especially the younger generation who has nothing to do with the war save for their parents and elders. It's hard to accept wrongdoing when the mistakes have been made by the older generation, and besides, we do like to keep a good opinion of ourselves, our country, and the people we love. It's almost like a case of the sins of the past being visited on the present. It's inevitable in a sense, you did all those stuff in the war, its not easy for people to forget.
Anyway, the outbreak of rabid anti-Japanese sentiment in China, as well as in South Korea (except to a slightly smaller extent), is probably an offshoot of the remaining memories of the war as well as the current affairs of the world (Japan applying for a permanent seat on the UN Security Council). Nationalism is all very well and good, but sometimes it can be dangerous, especially when you give them something they have reason to hate, like Japan's war past.
In my humble opinion, the Chinese government seems to be exploiting the situation to some degree. They know that their citizens already have a vendetta against Japan, and they can use public anger as leverage against Japan in political issues. In a sense, its more of a political issue than actual emotional outbursts against a painful part of history. I'm not saying that there are no real emotions behind the upsurge of protests, I'm just saying that the situation has been manipulated to China's advantage.
But I agree that Japan should not have whitewashed their history books. The only way to move forward to the future is to accept the past, and if the Japanese public remain clueless about their past, they will never be able to advance as the neighboring nations will continue to harangue them to do so.
Also, Junichiro Koizumi (Japan's PM), while he does have reasons of his own to visit the Yasukuni war shrine, it seems somewhat politically insensitive of him to do so. Yes, he wants to honor the war dead, but unfortunately, war criminals are housed there too. The whole situation has been imploded by people to have a bone to pick with Japan, but the Japanese government should have been more sensitive in the first place.
I have a feeling that the whole Japan-China issue has more to do than the lingering wounds of past mistakes. It has more to do with the balance of power in the East Asian region. Japan has spent the last few decades trying to establish itself as the dominant power in the region, with the help of the US. The rise of China threatens their position, and the Chinese know it. The motives of the Chinese government are unclear, but it is certain that they hold considerable economical influence in the region, and thus, a lot of political clout. In trying to outmanuver each other in this game of political high stakes, certain skeletons in the closet end up being hung out to see for all and sundry.
I think I went somewhat off point to analyse the situation, but its my take on the issue. Incidentally, my own great-grandmother died when the Japanese invaded, and I lost a couple of other relatives too. But I don't feel resentment towards Japan. That is all in the past, and I see no reason to hate the children for their elders' mistakes. That's my viewpoint.
Yeah that was my line of argument in general. It isn't really that GP-ish, but it sounded like political commentary. Maybe I should pursue a career in diplomacy? (lol)
Ok I'll stop now. Be back some time.
Sunday, December 25, 2005
I swear BoA is trying to kill me.
Yes I know, this is the 2nd BoA-related post in less than an hour. Or something like that. I've completely lost track of time and most of my senses.
I got stuck on watching Dakishimeru in full screen. Was getting progressively distracted by her body. Even though, admittedly, she has a lack of...ahem...frontal assets.
That doesn't seem to affect her kind of appeal though.
She's beautiful the way she is. Knowing me, I would probably say the same thing even if she were covered in mud. Ooh interesting mental image.... *slaps self*
But honestly, she has got beautiful eyes. When they said that the eyes were the windows to the soul, they really weren't kidding eh?
So in an attempt to escape from my perverse alter-ego, who's having a field day incidentally, I focused on watching BoA's eyes throughout the MV.
That was probably one of the stupidest things I've done tonight, and I've done plenty of those.
If anything, I was even more mesmerised by her eyes than anything else she possessed. Not even her body moving to the music, which was so damn fine.
I swear, there was a moment I just sat there, utterly frozen, just gazing into those gorgeous orbs.
If I could have found it in me to move, I would have hit the pause button and stayed in that moment.
If I really had to name one single thing about BoA I love to bits (actually I love everything about her...), I would pick her eyes. Not her dancing, not her singing, not her looks, not anything else. Those are just bonuses. The real secret is her eyes. That's how she captured me. No one else even comes close.
And that might help explain why, despite the fact that there are more talented and beautiful stars out there, the only one that has my heart is BoA. Previously, if you asked me just what it was about her that made me the fangirl I am, I would have given you a whole list of things I liked about her, but not what drew me to her in the first place. Actually, I can barely remember why I fell so hard for her. The only thing that I coherently remember was me sitting, paralysed, by her Listen to my Heart MV. That was the last straw that made me a fangirl.
I love her smile, the way her face lights up when she's happy; I love it when she cries, when she looks aloof, all her moods and emotions. I like the sparkle in her eyes, and the confidence when she performs. I love it when she displays uncertainty, to reveal the shy young girl beneath the superstar, when she shows vulnerability.
To sum it all up, I love her. Period.
God I sound like some psycho nut.
But it's what I feel. And maybe that's why I don't feel for others. I'm simply not interested in other guys (or even girls) my age. No, Chengwei, that girl doesn't count. Besides, I only liked that one because in some perverse way, she reminds me of BoA.
Yeah I know, everything leads back to BoA.
In a way, she's ruining my life. But yet, she's the best thing that happened to me.
I sure have a screwed up life, don't I?
]
Yes I know, this is the 2nd BoA-related post in less than an hour. Or something like that. I've completely lost track of time and most of my senses.
I got stuck on watching Dakishimeru in full screen. Was getting progressively distracted by her body. Even though, admittedly, she has a lack of...ahem...frontal assets.
That doesn't seem to affect her kind of appeal though.
She's beautiful the way she is. Knowing me, I would probably say the same thing even if she were covered in mud. Ooh interesting mental image.... *slaps self*
But honestly, she has got beautiful eyes. When they said that the eyes were the windows to the soul, they really weren't kidding eh?
So in an attempt to escape from my perverse alter-ego, who's having a field day incidentally, I focused on watching BoA's eyes throughout the MV.
That was probably one of the stupidest things I've done tonight, and I've done plenty of those.
If anything, I was even more mesmerised by her eyes than anything else she possessed. Not even her body moving to the music, which was so damn fine.
I swear, there was a moment I just sat there, utterly frozen, just gazing into those gorgeous orbs.
If I could have found it in me to move, I would have hit the pause button and stayed in that moment.
If I really had to name one single thing about BoA I love to bits (actually I love everything about her...), I would pick her eyes. Not her dancing, not her singing, not her looks, not anything else. Those are just bonuses. The real secret is her eyes. That's how she captured me. No one else even comes close.
And that might help explain why, despite the fact that there are more talented and beautiful stars out there, the only one that has my heart is BoA. Previously, if you asked me just what it was about her that made me the fangirl I am, I would have given you a whole list of things I liked about her, but not what drew me to her in the first place. Actually, I can barely remember why I fell so hard for her. The only thing that I coherently remember was me sitting, paralysed, by her Listen to my Heart MV. That was the last straw that made me a fangirl.
I love her smile, the way her face lights up when she's happy; I love it when she cries, when she looks aloof, all her moods and emotions. I like the sparkle in her eyes, and the confidence when she performs. I love it when she displays uncertainty, to reveal the shy young girl beneath the superstar, when she shows vulnerability.
To sum it all up, I love her. Period.
God I sound like some psycho nut.
But it's what I feel. And maybe that's why I don't feel for others. I'm simply not interested in other guys (or even girls) my age. No, Chengwei, that girl doesn't count. Besides, I only liked that one because in some perverse way, she reminds me of BoA.
Yeah I know, everything leads back to BoA.
In a way, she's ruining my life. But yet, she's the best thing that happened to me.
I sure have a screwed up life, don't I?
I just made a very big mistake.
A very very big one.
I started reading femslash with BoA's Dakishimeru MV playing.
Before you go "What's the big deal???", read my last post and see my reaction to that MV.
As if BoA herself wasn't enough of a turn-on already, I just had to go make it worse by reading a Buffy/Faith fic. And you know Faith. I'm sure the words 'strip club' turned up in my head when I glanced at the mini screen the MV was playing on...
Don't ask.
*tries to rinse my mind with clean water*
But personally, I would like to let everybody know, I have never been to a strip club, and I don't intend to in the near future, or anywhere in the future, as a matter of fact. The only way I'm ever going to be seen in a place like that is only if 1) I'm plastered, 2) blackmailed, 3) forcibly pushed in.
...............
*bangs head against desk*
I wanna turn the stupid MV off, but I can't seem to move the mouse towards the 'stop' button. Gah...
I just had a amusing thought. Imagine if I managed to convince some of the girls from Dance Society to do Dakishimeru.
I'm almost certain that all the guys in the vicinity would get nosebleeds and tongue/jaw cramp.
But then again, nobody will be able to do it as well as my BoA. Oops did I say my? *cough*
Alright I'm gonna stop here now. Oh incidentally, I'm lvl 13 now on T4C. ^__^
Ok time to spend what's left of Christmas reading more fanfiction. And I tell you something, Dakishimeru makes excellent mood music for yuri fanfics. *wink*
]
A very very big one.
I started reading femslash with BoA's Dakishimeru MV playing.
Before you go "What's the big deal???", read my last post and see my reaction to that MV.
As if BoA herself wasn't enough of a turn-on already, I just had to go make it worse by reading a Buffy/Faith fic. And you know Faith. I'm sure the words 'strip club' turned up in my head when I glanced at the mini screen the MV was playing on...
Don't ask.
*tries to rinse my mind with clean water*
But personally, I would like to let everybody know, I have never been to a strip club, and I don't intend to in the near future, or anywhere in the future, as a matter of fact. The only way I'm ever going to be seen in a place like that is only if 1) I'm plastered, 2) blackmailed, 3) forcibly pushed in.
...............
*bangs head against desk*
I wanna turn the stupid MV off, but I can't seem to move the mouse towards the 'stop' button. Gah...
I just had a amusing thought. Imagine if I managed to convince some of the girls from Dance Society to do Dakishimeru.
I'm almost certain that all the guys in the vicinity would get nosebleeds and tongue/jaw cramp.
But then again, nobody will be able to do it as well as my BoA. Oops did I say my? *cough*
Alright I'm gonna stop here now. Oh incidentally, I'm lvl 13 now on T4C. ^__^
Ok time to spend what's left of Christmas reading more fanfiction. And I tell you something, Dakishimeru makes excellent mood music for yuri fanfics. *wink*
Saturday, December 24, 2005
My God....I'm sweating in my seat. And its cold out there.
Reason? BoA. Why? Isn't it obvious???
I'm watching her Dakishimeru mv. Yes, I know I'm seriously late, but cut me some slack, I only got my internet back a few days ago.
Back to BoA again. My goodness, what happened to her????
Nothing bad, but she's suddenly grown up. In a very drastic sort of way.
She's hot. Beyond hot. She's scintillating. She's gorgeous. She's drool-worthy.
She's all that and more.
What can I say about the music video? The first time I saw it, my thoughts were as follows:
WTF?!?!
My God!
Doesn't sound like her...
Mmm...
*gulp*
Is it me or is it hot in here?
She said a Britney-ism!
*worships*
More or less around there. I censored it a little. *cough*
What do I mean by she said a Britney-ism? Well during the interlude, she said something like "I'm not a little girl, not yet a woman". Sound familiar yet?
What was more shocking was that she was dressed...well...miniskirt, tiny top, red boots....a bit like a cheerleader but way hotter...
Just say that if she wore something like that to a nightclub, she'd get jumped by hot-blooded males. And not a few not-so-straight girls. *coughcoughlikemecoughcough*
And her other outfits in the MV....the black one....yum....temptress much?
I'm glad I'm not a guy, and upset that I'm not one at the same time. Glad because if I were, I'd be very uncomfortable down there, if you get what I mean. Upset because I would like to jump her right here and right now.
Let's move on past the gutter thoughts.
Now I understand what the others on the forum meant when they said that Dakishimeru is the hottest performance. I'm getting hot just looking at her dance like that....*bites lip*
Man does she have a nice butt....*swallows*
I need a life...
And possibly a cold shower.
Screw that, I definitely need one.
My brain, the still-rational part of it, was screaming "Britney alert! Britney alert!". No offense to Britney fans.
I mean, if you track BoA's career, there are some similar parallels to Britney's. And the Dakishimeru MV seems to have echoes of what happened when sweet, innocent Britney suddenly started shedding her clothes in I'm A Slave 4 U.
The main difference, the one that heartens me slightly, is that I can still see BoA's innocence in those eyes I love so much. Yes, she's a little under-dressed compared to her previous works, but she looks like she's playing and revelling in her sexuality than being slutty. Again, no offense to Britney fans.
The playful BoA is still there. Fans like us can tell when she's having fun. And she most definitely is having fun in Dakishimeru. Unlike the My Name MV, where you can see she was slightly strained in her expression as well as her dance movements.
Apparently now she's more comfortable with flaunting her body now. Not that I'm complaining though.
The movements are so much less inhibited. She's just letting herself move to the music. You have no idea how much of a turn-on that is.
My beloved BoA. Finally growing into the woman we were looking forward to.
Still, I miss her innocent days. She was cute then, so endearing. But I'm sure her new image would draw in the more sex-obsessed Hollywood generation. You know, the people who watch American artists....I've seen a few of those MVs, and felt instantly sickened by all the bared flesh.
And people wonder why I stick to BoA.
Sure she's starting to wear more revealing stuff. But in her case, it doesn't seem vulgar.
So I'm biased. What can you do to me huh? :P
A random thought: does she have a driving license...?
Actually the main sign I can see that she's still innocent, despite the provocative dance and dress, is the look in her eyes. The smile on her face. She's not really trying to seduce anybody (but she's doing a very good job of it even without trying), she's just enjoying herself.
To tell the difference you need to know her pretty well. I've seen her giving come-hither looks, mostly during her My Name performances, which personally, I think she was trying too hard. She's sexier when she's just having fun. When she's just enjoying herself. When you're having fun, it shows, and its far more effective than a forced performance.
Food for thought: she does seem to have more fun in her japanese music videos. I wonder why?
Random observation: She's wearing boots again!! Damn sexy...
You know, I guess she wasn't kidding when she said she was taking a more active role in production. She's definitely picking out her own wardrobe....at least part of it. If you've noticed, she's been wearing boots during her last few MVs....*counts*....for the last 2 years in fact. O__o
And that's counting her Korean MVs too.
Ok I'm gonna stop here, because I wanna go full screen to watch the MV. And drool some more.
]
Reason? BoA. Why? Isn't it obvious???
I'm watching her Dakishimeru mv. Yes, I know I'm seriously late, but cut me some slack, I only got my internet back a few days ago.
Back to BoA again. My goodness, what happened to her????
Nothing bad, but she's suddenly grown up. In a very drastic sort of way.
She's hot. Beyond hot. She's scintillating. She's gorgeous. She's drool-worthy.
She's all that and more.
What can I say about the music video? The first time I saw it, my thoughts were as follows:
WTF?!?!
My God!
Doesn't sound like her...
Mmm...
*gulp*
Is it me or is it hot in here?
She said a Britney-ism!
*worships*
More or less around there. I censored it a little. *cough*
What do I mean by she said a Britney-ism? Well during the interlude, she said something like "I'm not a little girl, not yet a woman". Sound familiar yet?
What was more shocking was that she was dressed...well...miniskirt, tiny top, red boots....a bit like a cheerleader but way hotter...
Just say that if she wore something like that to a nightclub, she'd get jumped by hot-blooded males. And not a few not-so-straight girls. *coughcoughlikemecoughcough*
And her other outfits in the MV....the black one....yum....temptress much?
I'm glad I'm not a guy, and upset that I'm not one at the same time. Glad because if I were, I'd be very uncomfortable down there, if you get what I mean. Upset because I would like to jump her right here and right now.
Let's move on past the gutter thoughts.
Now I understand what the others on the forum meant when they said that Dakishimeru is the hottest performance. I'm getting hot just looking at her dance like that....*bites lip*
Man does she have a nice butt....*swallows*
I need a life...
And possibly a cold shower.
Screw that, I definitely need one.
My brain, the still-rational part of it, was screaming "Britney alert! Britney alert!". No offense to Britney fans.
I mean, if you track BoA's career, there are some similar parallels to Britney's. And the Dakishimeru MV seems to have echoes of what happened when sweet, innocent Britney suddenly started shedding her clothes in I'm A Slave 4 U.
The main difference, the one that heartens me slightly, is that I can still see BoA's innocence in those eyes I love so much. Yes, she's a little under-dressed compared to her previous works, but she looks like she's playing and revelling in her sexuality than being slutty. Again, no offense to Britney fans.
The playful BoA is still there. Fans like us can tell when she's having fun. And she most definitely is having fun in Dakishimeru. Unlike the My Name MV, where you can see she was slightly strained in her expression as well as her dance movements.
Apparently now she's more comfortable with flaunting her body now. Not that I'm complaining though.
The movements are so much less inhibited. She's just letting herself move to the music. You have no idea how much of a turn-on that is.
My beloved BoA. Finally growing into the woman we were looking forward to.
Still, I miss her innocent days. She was cute then, so endearing. But I'm sure her new image would draw in the more sex-obsessed Hollywood generation. You know, the people who watch American artists....I've seen a few of those MVs, and felt instantly sickened by all the bared flesh.
And people wonder why I stick to BoA.
Sure she's starting to wear more revealing stuff. But in her case, it doesn't seem vulgar.
So I'm biased. What can you do to me huh? :P
A random thought: does she have a driving license...?
Actually the main sign I can see that she's still innocent, despite the provocative dance and dress, is the look in her eyes. The smile on her face. She's not really trying to seduce anybody (but she's doing a very good job of it even without trying), she's just enjoying herself.
To tell the difference you need to know her pretty well. I've seen her giving come-hither looks, mostly during her My Name performances, which personally, I think she was trying too hard. She's sexier when she's just having fun. When she's just enjoying herself. When you're having fun, it shows, and its far more effective than a forced performance.
Food for thought: she does seem to have more fun in her japanese music videos. I wonder why?
Random observation: She's wearing boots again!! Damn sexy...
You know, I guess she wasn't kidding when she said she was taking a more active role in production. She's definitely picking out her own wardrobe....at least part of it. If you've noticed, she's been wearing boots during her last few MVs....*counts*....for the last 2 years in fact. O__o
And that's counting her Korean MVs too.
Ok I'm gonna stop here, because I wanna go full screen to watch the MV. And drool some more.
I'm back.
Day before Christmas, with nothing whatsoever in mind.
What is the spirit of Christmas? The spirit of giving? Is it really?
God gave up his only Son for us. Is that what it really means?
Or is it some crass commercialization tactic to get people to spend, spend and spend more?
If it isn't the latter option to begin with, well it certainly has evolved to be that way now.
The glitter of Christmas is the glitter of flashing lights drawing potential customers to the stores. The true meaning of the season seems to have been lost.
Personally, that doesn't concern me that much. As a rule, my Christmases after my mom's death have been universally bleak. Save last year, when I spent it over at Erika's place...or was it the year before...?
I don't remember anymore.
But even then, even while spending it with company, I felt...sad? Melancholy? It was as if the joy that permeated the room failed to reach me.
There seemed to be something missing. There always was something missing.
I spent a goodly amount of time searching for what I was missing. Sometimes I thought I'd found it, only to find that it was just a stop-gap solution.
What am I missing? I'm not sure. Just something wasn't there. Like an empty hole, desperate for something to fill it in. But I can't seem to find it.
Was it love? I don't think so. There are times when I felt the warmth of family love, but while it was comforting, I felt that there had to be something more.
I spent half my life searching for a purpose. What am I here for? Why am I here? What am I supposed to do?
Some believe God is the answer. God, the Almighty, he has all the answers. Why were we here? Because God made us. What are we here for? To serve God's purpose---whatever that may be, it was beyond human comprehension (that's what they tell us). What are we supposed to do? Obey God, naturally. Everything would work out if you obeyed God.
Easy to say, hard to do. Some decisions in life aren't made with a snap of the fingers.
I keep inadvertently pointing out flaws in religious thought. Certainly, some of it makes complete sense. Some don't. Blind faith doesn't help anybody---it fools the senses into thinking everything will turn out fine.
Personally, I think that's the worst form of fatalism. (If you can see the reference I'll give you a cookie)
Someone once said, if there were no religion, there would be no wars. I'd like to give that quote a modification.
If there were no religion, there would be less wars.
Before you violently object, hear these examples. Think of the Crusades. Heck, even the Holocaust had some religious roots. Protestant-Catholic conflicts in North Ireland. Even the more current brand of Islamic terrorism. No offense to regular Muslims.
Extremism comes in many forms. A lot of times, it can lead to conflict or even war. Religious extremism is one of the worse kinds. I mean, a extremist is already firmly entrenched in the more deviant sides of human beliefs and thoughts. A religious extremist, however, has the added effect of believing that their beliefs have been sanctioned by their God or tenets of their religion. Its like adding fuel to a fire. And it makes it harder to change their minds.
I'm most definitely not an extremist. I came close to being one, but I managed to edge past the chasm.
No, I'm not going to tell you what about.
What I can tell you though, is that depression can lead to the hardening of one's heart, to the point that all it wishes to do is to hurt those who have hurt it.
Now that's a very scary pit of quicksand. Trust me, you don't want to try it. Not only does it hurt like a bitch, it hurts the people around you too...
...although at that point you'll probably be enjoying their pain.
I'm serious. So don't do it.
Alright. I don't feel like extemporising anymore. So I'll stop short here.
To everyone who have good Christmases, Happy Christmas.
To those who don't, well, know that you're not alone.
]
Day before Christmas, with nothing whatsoever in mind.
What is the spirit of Christmas? The spirit of giving? Is it really?
God gave up his only Son for us. Is that what it really means?
Or is it some crass commercialization tactic to get people to spend, spend and spend more?
If it isn't the latter option to begin with, well it certainly has evolved to be that way now.
The glitter of Christmas is the glitter of flashing lights drawing potential customers to the stores. The true meaning of the season seems to have been lost.
Personally, that doesn't concern me that much. As a rule, my Christmases after my mom's death have been universally bleak. Save last year, when I spent it over at Erika's place...or was it the year before...?
I don't remember anymore.
But even then, even while spending it with company, I felt...sad? Melancholy? It was as if the joy that permeated the room failed to reach me.
There seemed to be something missing. There always was something missing.
I spent a goodly amount of time searching for what I was missing. Sometimes I thought I'd found it, only to find that it was just a stop-gap solution.
What am I missing? I'm not sure. Just something wasn't there. Like an empty hole, desperate for something to fill it in. But I can't seem to find it.
Was it love? I don't think so. There are times when I felt the warmth of family love, but while it was comforting, I felt that there had to be something more.
I spent half my life searching for a purpose. What am I here for? Why am I here? What am I supposed to do?
Some believe God is the answer. God, the Almighty, he has all the answers. Why were we here? Because God made us. What are we here for? To serve God's purpose---whatever that may be, it was beyond human comprehension (that's what they tell us). What are we supposed to do? Obey God, naturally. Everything would work out if you obeyed God.
Easy to say, hard to do. Some decisions in life aren't made with a snap of the fingers.
I keep inadvertently pointing out flaws in religious thought. Certainly, some of it makes complete sense. Some don't. Blind faith doesn't help anybody---it fools the senses into thinking everything will turn out fine.
Personally, I think that's the worst form of fatalism. (If you can see the reference I'll give you a cookie)
Someone once said, if there were no religion, there would be no wars. I'd like to give that quote a modification.
If there were no religion, there would be less wars.
Before you violently object, hear these examples. Think of the Crusades. Heck, even the Holocaust had some religious roots. Protestant-Catholic conflicts in North Ireland. Even the more current brand of Islamic terrorism. No offense to regular Muslims.
Extremism comes in many forms. A lot of times, it can lead to conflict or even war. Religious extremism is one of the worse kinds. I mean, a extremist is already firmly entrenched in the more deviant sides of human beliefs and thoughts. A religious extremist, however, has the added effect of believing that their beliefs have been sanctioned by their God or tenets of their religion. Its like adding fuel to a fire. And it makes it harder to change their minds.
I'm most definitely not an extremist. I came close to being one, but I managed to edge past the chasm.
No, I'm not going to tell you what about.
What I can tell you though, is that depression can lead to the hardening of one's heart, to the point that all it wishes to do is to hurt those who have hurt it.
Now that's a very scary pit of quicksand. Trust me, you don't want to try it. Not only does it hurt like a bitch, it hurts the people around you too...
...although at that point you'll probably be enjoying their pain.
I'm serious. So don't do it.
Alright. I don't feel like extemporising anymore. So I'll stop short here.
To everyone who have good Christmases, Happy Christmas.
To those who don't, well, know that you're not alone.
Thursday, December 22, 2005
Lost, without purpose
An endless journey.
Trust, misplaced
An endless agony.
Mired, deeply
With no escape---
They can only dance
Giving, taking
Back and forth
An endless waltz to end
In the Wings of Eternity.
Ok I was feeling poetic. Was thinking about Krad and Dark for some reason. I title this Wings of Eternity. Hope you like it.
]
An endless journey.
Trust, misplaced
An endless agony.
Mired, deeply
With no escape---
They can only dance
Giving, taking
Back and forth
An endless waltz to end
In the Wings of Eternity.
Ok I was feeling poetic. Was thinking about Krad and Dark for some reason. I title this Wings of Eternity. Hope you like it.
Ano....I'm back....why am I back? No freaking idea why I'm blogging here and now...so there!
Reading fanfiction right now. Taking a break from T4C. I'm lvl 8 now by the way. Yeah I know I'm kinda slow, but I don't play 24/7. I'm not THAT hooked.
Playing T4C confirmed one thing about me. I have absolutely NO sense of direction. I managed to get lost on my way to Windhowl. Twice. Even with a map.
My only defense is that it was a crappy map in the first place, and I was distracted.
But eventually I worked it out, and now I'm off in the wilderness killing brigands, assassins, and assorted goblins of different ranks. I hardly go back to town unless I want to train skills or sell stuff. I don't need to buy anything---yet---since the stuff I need I can get from monster drops. In fact, I got my next weapon ready already. Just have to level up twice more to have a high enough agility to use it. I also got a couple of assorted armor off the brigands and gobs. Decided to head back to Lighthaven to train in the crypt, since the Tomb Raider (no NOT Lara Croft silly) has a nice armor drop. And the exp isn't too bad there either. Plus, I can go back to town without worrying about getting lost. Heh.
I'm more of a lone ranger player. You know, the kind of person that wanders around on their own to explore and kill things. I was grateful for Jim's initial help to ease me back into T4C life, but once I get adjusted I prefer to hunt alone. Dunno why. I don't mind human interaction, but when I'm training I prefer to go at it alone once I reach a certain proficiency.
Ok enough babbling about T4C. I think the people reading this wouldn't be interested anyway.
I'm not doing a lot of things. I'm not jumping straight back into forum worlds. I'm not even downloading BoA stuff (shocking I know). I'm just reading fanfiction and playing T4C. With a bit of blogging thrown in from time to time.
I like it this way. I'm not too attached to T4C, which minimizes withdrawal symptoms. I'm less stressed without being actively involved in a forum, and as for BoA...well...I know if I start I probably can't stop....x__X
Ok on to anime-verse! I've been watching D N Angel (I know I'm backdated but who freaking cares???) and I absolutely adore the Daisuke/Riku pairing. I think Dark is very cool. I did always have a soft spot for thieves. Like Yuffie from FF7, Locke from FF3, Stragen and Talen from the Elenium by David Eddings, Rikku from FFX...the list goes on.
For some weird reason though, Risa annoys me to no end. And I think its a weird reason because as a rule, I tend to like long haired girls (read: my obsession with BoA). But Riku, even with short hair and tomboyish ways, is far more endearing to me. I guess I like combative characters more than wishy-washy ones. And appearance is secondary (lol).
As for Satoshi, what can I say? He's hot. I like him. While Daisuke is endearingly kawaii and almost innocently good-natured, Satoshi has an edge to him. Who can blame him, when he has the psychotic Krad trapped in him? Yeah I think Krad is psychotic. Hot, but psychotic all the same. In a way, he's dangerously attractive. He's the kind one would have a fling with, but not one you would want to bring home to your parents (he'll probably kill them or something haha).
Pairings-wise, I like Daisuke/Riku, as mentioned above. Dark/Risa is plausible, even though Risa irritates me. Satoshi/Risa is fascinating, but I have yet to see any positive indicators in the anime regarding this pairing. I'm only halfway through though, so it might turn up later or something. Daisuke/Satoshi is obvious. Yaoi yes, but they fit in a wrong kind of right way. After all, they both have "other halves", and Satoshi is obsessed with catching Dark, which indirectly leads him to be obsessed with Daisuke. Daisuke/Dark I prefer only for platonic relations. You know, mutual understanding and the like. Nothing like love and weird feelings to complicate it. Krad/Satoshi I can see why. It's sadistic, but alluring. You know what I mean. ^__^
Pairing Krad and Dark together would be VERY interesting. They hate each other. And therefore, in the twisted world of fanfiction-dom, they are potential lovers. Yeah I know the logic is screwed, but don't you know that there's a very thin line between love and hate? :P
Ok enough about D N Angel.
What to say next? Perhaps there really is nothing to say.
My dad's asleep, as is my grandma. Yeah, the ancient relic of doom is back. (refer to older posts :P)
No, actually I don't really resent her anymore. Maybe it's a sign I'm maturing (finally!)? Or perhaps just a sense of partial guilt for her condition.
No, I'm not going to elaborate on that.
Actually, I've been coming to appreciate the more mundane things in life. Note I said mundane, not simple. Mundane things can be simple, but simple things may not be mundane. It's a subtle line dividing the two.
Mundane things, like waking up to cover my dad with a blanket when he was shivering. When he wakes up to shut the windows so the wind wouldn't chill us to the bone. Like helping my grandmother shower and change her diapers. Like serving my elders.
Little things, really. Yet, little and almost insignificant to our conscious minds at times, I've started to feel, to realise the sense of satisfaction, even contentment, when such things occur.
A mundane life might be boring at times, but who says you can't find joy and fufillment in it?
Maybe I'm really growing up emotionally after all.
I think I will think back often to that quiet little scene in the kitchen, where my father, grandmother, and I sat together, sharing an apple I had sliced, in relative silence. None of us said anything; we didn't have to. All I did was to bask in the knowledge that I was with family, the warmth and peace was good enough for me. I was, in a strange way, happy. Truly happy, happiness from the heart, not the kind of superficial happiness that is so fleeting.
Even though my mother was no longer there. The scene would have been perfect with my mother in it. But she isn't, and while I mourn her in a quiet corner of my heart at all times, I take heart and celebrate what I do have, instead of agonising over what I don't.
Maybe I am growing up after all.
]
Reading fanfiction right now. Taking a break from T4C. I'm lvl 8 now by the way. Yeah I know I'm kinda slow, but I don't play 24/7. I'm not THAT hooked.
Playing T4C confirmed one thing about me. I have absolutely NO sense of direction. I managed to get lost on my way to Windhowl. Twice. Even with a map.
My only defense is that it was a crappy map in the first place, and I was distracted.
But eventually I worked it out, and now I'm off in the wilderness killing brigands, assassins, and assorted goblins of different ranks. I hardly go back to town unless I want to train skills or sell stuff. I don't need to buy anything---yet---since the stuff I need I can get from monster drops. In fact, I got my next weapon ready already. Just have to level up twice more to have a high enough agility to use it. I also got a couple of assorted armor off the brigands and gobs. Decided to head back to Lighthaven to train in the crypt, since the Tomb Raider (no NOT Lara Croft silly) has a nice armor drop. And the exp isn't too bad there either. Plus, I can go back to town without worrying about getting lost. Heh.
I'm more of a lone ranger player. You know, the kind of person that wanders around on their own to explore and kill things. I was grateful for Jim's initial help to ease me back into T4C life, but once I get adjusted I prefer to hunt alone. Dunno why. I don't mind human interaction, but when I'm training I prefer to go at it alone once I reach a certain proficiency.
Ok enough babbling about T4C. I think the people reading this wouldn't be interested anyway.
I'm not doing a lot of things. I'm not jumping straight back into forum worlds. I'm not even downloading BoA stuff (shocking I know). I'm just reading fanfiction and playing T4C. With a bit of blogging thrown in from time to time.
I like it this way. I'm not too attached to T4C, which minimizes withdrawal symptoms. I'm less stressed without being actively involved in a forum, and as for BoA...well...I know if I start I probably can't stop....x__X
Ok on to anime-verse! I've been watching D N Angel (I know I'm backdated but who freaking cares???) and I absolutely adore the Daisuke/Riku pairing. I think Dark is very cool. I did always have a soft spot for thieves. Like Yuffie from FF7, Locke from FF3, Stragen and Talen from the Elenium by David Eddings, Rikku from FFX...the list goes on.
For some weird reason though, Risa annoys me to no end. And I think its a weird reason because as a rule, I tend to like long haired girls (read: my obsession with BoA). But Riku, even with short hair and tomboyish ways, is far more endearing to me. I guess I like combative characters more than wishy-washy ones. And appearance is secondary (lol).
As for Satoshi, what can I say? He's hot. I like him. While Daisuke is endearingly kawaii and almost innocently good-natured, Satoshi has an edge to him. Who can blame him, when he has the psychotic Krad trapped in him? Yeah I think Krad is psychotic. Hot, but psychotic all the same. In a way, he's dangerously attractive. He's the kind one would have a fling with, but not one you would want to bring home to your parents (he'll probably kill them or something haha).
Pairings-wise, I like Daisuke/Riku, as mentioned above. Dark/Risa is plausible, even though Risa irritates me. Satoshi/Risa is fascinating, but I have yet to see any positive indicators in the anime regarding this pairing. I'm only halfway through though, so it might turn up later or something. Daisuke/Satoshi is obvious. Yaoi yes, but they fit in a wrong kind of right way. After all, they both have "other halves", and Satoshi is obsessed with catching Dark, which indirectly leads him to be obsessed with Daisuke. Daisuke/Dark I prefer only for platonic relations. You know, mutual understanding and the like. Nothing like love and weird feelings to complicate it. Krad/Satoshi I can see why. It's sadistic, but alluring. You know what I mean. ^__^
Pairing Krad and Dark together would be VERY interesting. They hate each other. And therefore, in the twisted world of fanfiction-dom, they are potential lovers. Yeah I know the logic is screwed, but don't you know that there's a very thin line between love and hate? :P
Ok enough about D N Angel.
What to say next? Perhaps there really is nothing to say.
My dad's asleep, as is my grandma. Yeah, the ancient relic of doom is back. (refer to older posts :P)
No, actually I don't really resent her anymore. Maybe it's a sign I'm maturing (finally!)? Or perhaps just a sense of partial guilt for her condition.
No, I'm not going to elaborate on that.
Actually, I've been coming to appreciate the more mundane things in life. Note I said mundane, not simple. Mundane things can be simple, but simple things may not be mundane. It's a subtle line dividing the two.
Mundane things, like waking up to cover my dad with a blanket when he was shivering. When he wakes up to shut the windows so the wind wouldn't chill us to the bone. Like helping my grandmother shower and change her diapers. Like serving my elders.
Little things, really. Yet, little and almost insignificant to our conscious minds at times, I've started to feel, to realise the sense of satisfaction, even contentment, when such things occur.
A mundane life might be boring at times, but who says you can't find joy and fufillment in it?
Maybe I'm really growing up emotionally after all.
I think I will think back often to that quiet little scene in the kitchen, where my father, grandmother, and I sat together, sharing an apple I had sliced, in relative silence. None of us said anything; we didn't have to. All I did was to bask in the knowledge that I was with family, the warmth and peace was good enough for me. I was, in a strange way, happy. Truly happy, happiness from the heart, not the kind of superficial happiness that is so fleeting.
Even though my mother was no longer there. The scene would have been perfect with my mother in it. But she isn't, and while I mourn her in a quiet corner of my heart at all times, I take heart and celebrate what I do have, instead of agonising over what I don't.
Maybe I am growing up after all.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
It's official.
I AM BACK.
If you didn't get that, here's the expanded version:
I HAVE MY INTERNET BACK!!!! FEAR ME!!!!
Ok that was weird. Never mind that.
Back on T4C too. Met a few good guys. Jim, chingchong, to name a few. They were great and real helpful. Jim even helped me level. ^__^
It's the little things like this that make gaming fun. It's not about the killing, its about the camaderie (sp?) one experiences.
Having friends is a good thing.
Dad's sick now. He's aching all over. I told him to sleep on the bed instead of the floor last night. He just wouldn't listen, and now he's paying the price.
Am I happy to have my internet back? Yep. The only trouble is making sure I have adequate firewalls to keep the nasty stuff out. Yes, time for virus/adware/spyware prevention. Sigh.
Ok my dad wants me to get off. Ah well. Now to try connecting the room com with the wireless modem. Ta ta!
]
I AM BACK.
If you didn't get that, here's the expanded version:
I HAVE MY INTERNET BACK!!!! FEAR ME!!!!
Ok that was weird. Never mind that.
Back on T4C too. Met a few good guys. Jim, chingchong, to name a few. They were great and real helpful. Jim even helped me level. ^__^
It's the little things like this that make gaming fun. It's not about the killing, its about the camaderie (sp?) one experiences.
Having friends is a good thing.
Dad's sick now. He's aching all over. I told him to sleep on the bed instead of the floor last night. He just wouldn't listen, and now he's paying the price.
Am I happy to have my internet back? Yep. The only trouble is making sure I have adequate firewalls to keep the nasty stuff out. Yes, time for virus/adware/spyware prevention. Sigh.
Ok my dad wants me to get off. Ah well. Now to try connecting the room com with the wireless modem. Ta ta!
