Aeternus, Eternus

Word to all the little kiddies out there, punching walls is not a good idea. Especially not when you do it long and hard enough to draw blood from the fist, it tends to sting when you move your hand...which is often.

Why do I have a feeling that some of the more rebellious kids might actually go and try it out after reading this? Lol.

Anyway, everyone can do with a good cry once in a while. I was long overdue for one anyway. And now I'm terribly tired and sleepy. Good night minna!

I'd almost forgotten really.

Really really. What with my current obsession with Shizuru, Shizuma, Chikaru and Miyuki. Almost forgotten that while I really have a bad case of hero-worship with these anime girls, the one that I still truly identified with was one Arisugawa Juri.

Softer than cruel. Heh. I love that fic. I love that phrase.

Because we're both wild animals, said Kozue. That's true.

A knight in shining armor. A brilliant facade, masking illusion.

I have a hero complex really. Or not. How else would one explain the urge to save and protect others, without care for oneself?

Probably just selfish. What if others wanted to protect you? What would you do then?

I'd push them away, because no one can save an angel fallen from grace.

No one indeed. That and the fact that there are no miracles.

No, there are miracles. They just don't happen to me. I want them to happen to others. So they are safe, protected. Away from the taint of fallen grace.

I turned destructive inside. At least Juri had the wisdom of keeping up the charade, the game of cloak and dagger. She was perfection itself, a wondrous statue of glory to be admired from afar. Untouchable.

Then what am I but the taint like Kozue was? Not quite to the same level admittedly, largely because I don't sleep around like that girl does. But they're very much the same, wolf and panther both. The Prince and the delinquent. So very much the same.

I am not Juri. I won't even pretend to be. But the hurt she carries within herself mirrors that of mine. Konks, you were right, that addiction of mine is going to get me hurt severely in time to come. Too bad I can't let it go. The way Juri couldn't let go of that locket. It's almost ironic really.

Sometimes I think I do it to myself. Because I like the pain. Because, like Kozue, I smear the mud on myself to mark the depth of my sins. I refuse to purify myself because I feel like I don't deserve to look pure again.

The chains that held us together...

Only because I refuse to let go. And ironic that it is more than one chain that holds me. One that I cling on to, and another that wraps itself like a conniving serpent, suffocating me. And I can't slip out of that deadly embrace, because duty, that sickening concept, chains me more securely than any other trap.

Duty. It makes me laugh. I'm completely irresponsible in all other aspects of my life. In school, I am naught but a glowing ember, something that could have been more, but isn't, due to that sheer irresponsibility. I run from responsibility, avoid it, tried to slip away from it. Ignored it even. I am sure some of the more sententious members of my acquaintance in school must despise me. Or be absolutely baffled. Don't worry, it's not new. Bafflement is an endless state that humanity is engaged in. It's one of the things that spur progress, unfortunately or not.

Yet in the one area where I actually want to be irresponsible about, I can't. What, you think I like being irresponsible in school and in other ways? Then you knew me even less than you thought you did. No I won't explain that. Have fun guessing, or have you given up already? So much easier to mark me with disgust and contempt, is it not? Easier to label under 'unsalvageable' and leave it to rot, then to struggle to peel away the layers to grope for some measure of understanding. Lord knows I've felt the same way many times.

I am a very simple person to understand really. Complex, but simple at the same time. It only takes a few words to describe the entirety, yet those few words are probably too much for the average undiscerning person to decipher. How ironic. Heh.

The poison that runs in my veins. I wrote a poem on that once. I said then that it was hatred that ran through my veins, that desecrating taint that corrupted all that it touched. It is no longer hatred now, but something else.

Contempt? Perhaps. Or self-pity, that most destructive of emotions? Or hoping in absence of hope? Desperation reeks like an overused rag. It is beautiful, is it not? Despair was ever a technicolor display, a rising orchestra in full swing, in between shades of grey on an empty canvas.

Zakath fought with a cold rage burning within him. He sought to find something strong enough to kill him. So he fought.

I seek to be remembered. Not as a brightly shining star in the cosmos, admired by all. No, not that. Even the brightest stars go out one day, and then they'll be forgotten. No, I sought to explode like a supernova, to go out with a bang, drawing all those near to me to be sucked into the resulting void, and those afar to remember the catastrophic consequences.

And people wonder why I push them away.

Though, really, Zakath wasn't a good example. He was healed by love. Lucky (or unlucky) bastard. I don't think I even want to be healed. Why would I want to be?

Because I am weak, not strong. Why can't they all see that? I am weak. I am not strong. I can be broken. But why? Why does no one even try to crush me? Or do they see that there is nothing worth left to crush? Perhaps.

Perhaps some see something to be saved. Perhaps. Perhaps they think there is something to salvage from the train wreck. Perhaps there is something to be saved. But do they ever wonder...?

Do I even want to be saved?

Is there any reason I should be saved?

Can you give me a reason to want to be saved?

Until you can answer that, don't bother trying. Because patching a broken doll together haphazardly will result in its collapse later on. If you're going to do a proper repair job, do it properly. Don't leave things halfway. I rather stay broken than be roughly thrown together in a semblance of vibrant normality before falling into pieces...again.

I don't think I could take that a 3rd time. Or was it 4th?

Too many to count...but does it matter anymore? Nothing matters for now.

Cheers.

Before I start, I must put a disclaimer. I may or may not agree with the following statements made in the quotes I am going to post, I just find them hilarious and feel the need to share them. ^__^

Oh, and all of these are from the shoujo-ai forums. ^__^

Unfortunately a lot of the girls out there have this annoying habit of being straight. It makes it hard for all of us sensible girls. Being single bites.

Lol.

Life is Anime, Death is Anime, All is anime.
And way too little Anime has shoujo-ai or yuri

*snickers*

"If guys think two girls together are hot, why don't girls think two guys together are hot? I've never met anyone like that in my life!"
Now I really hope she never finds my yaoi collection...

ROFLOL. True though...

If stupidity were a sin, we'd all go to hell.

Seconded!!!

How many subdivisions of gender identity are shunned simply because they don't fit precisely with the binary system of male and female?

Deep. Very deep.

And posting on boards dominated by adolescent males is an open invitation to homophobia. It's almost amazing how often, let alone with such variety, insults against another person's gender are hurled as the first recourse in a difference of opinion.

*collapses in hysterics* Too true, that.

They stopped listening to Elton John the moment they heard he was gay.

Lol. I mean, really, what's up with homophobes?

Me: "Guess what, Mom & Dad! I'm attracted to girls!"
Mom & Dad: "You're a lesbian..?! But you have a boyfriend!"
Me: "Only mostly attracted to girls. Probably like 95%... Just thought you'd like to know!"
Mom & Dad: *very confused look* "You can do that..?"

*pounds on floor while laughing hysterically* OMG, I can't believe how much laughter there is in my life. XD

"The only thing a lesbian doesn't ever want to hear from her lover is: I will return as your child"

In case nobody understands, that is a reference to the Yamibou ending. Lol...

And yes, KnM is still the Flagship for Shoujo-ai Pairings. Because there is conclusion! There is romantic and undeniable confession! {translation: no more lame subtext~~ It's canon!} Lol. Happiness. Haha.

Well, because I don't want to confuse MORE people, I will stop now. *bows out*

*glances up at tagboard*

Hmm.

I seem to be channelling something I thought I lost. Evil Estrea returns.

And I love the Shizuru start. Hmm, I wonder if the subsequent speech was worthy of Fujino-kaichou.

It probably didn't help that I was feeling vindictive when I saw that tag though. Still, I could have been more vicious in my reply really. The Estrea 3 years ago would have dismantled the person down into their component parts without even raising her voice, while smiling a Fujino-esque smile. I've actually mellowed. Amazing.

Glad to know I haven't completely lost my touch, however. It would be truly distressing if that were so.

I suddenly wish I had a random, unknown person that I can just destroy verbally right now. With good reason. Because I can't actually do that with real people that I have to associate with on a semi-regular basis. Pity.

It feels strange. Odd. I feel stronger. More detached. Is that how Xellos feels?

*random iced drink pops in hand*

Or maybe Akio. It would certainly be fitting. Especially after that entry in my private journals. I am in control. I can crush others if I choose to. It feels good to not be vulnerable.

I feel no sympathy for them. Just a morbid fascination. Like gazing at a train wreck, unable to look away. A train wreck I helped cause. A train wreck I happen to be in.

Layers. Everyone has them. Don't you know?

Cheers.

Got a new MSN sn.

Konks, I added you. :P Accept the gmail account person. Cos that's me. Lol.

Needed a quiet retreat. Found it. Made it actually. Only damned place to get some peace without shutting out people that I actually want to talk to. ^__^

*muses quietly in corner*

There is a reason why I hang out on the shoujo-ai forums.

----> Like-minded peers!!!

Lol.

I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who finds Souma disgustingly and annoyingly noble, and wishes for his death every minute of the anime. Haha.

I think I'm psycho, but that's perfectly alright. Right now, despite the shit in my world and my life, I'm still psychotically happy and possibly neurotically deficient from all the laughing.

Even if...what the hell...*prances around in pink frilly dress randomly*

O___o

Yep, definitely nuts.

Boy oh boy.

Being in the shower has great impact on my creative juices. However...this time it has scary crackiness involved. My muse is scary, so sue me.

I have envisioned an extremely new pairing for Strawberry Panic. One that has probably no basis in the anime (who cares?! ^_~) and is....well...crack on steroids. XD

And yes, it involves Miyuki on one end. ^__~

I did say I enjoy messing with the poor girl. After coming up with half a dozen ideas for Miyuki/Shizuma angst in the shower earlier, I decided Miyuki really needs a break from Shizuma angst and well, get a vacation or something. Was thinking up of possible people to pair her (with scary possibilities popping up now and then o__o) with, until I struck paydirt with THE obvious choice...well to me its obvious anyway.

No it's not Shion of St Spica. I'm not THAT cruel to poor Miyuki. Plus that would be too cliched. Lol.

No no, who else could it be?

*hint* It's my other favorite character.

XP

Yes, it's Chikaru! Woohoo! Lol. I understand that Chikaru has never expressed any interest on her part (but that girl's a damn good actress, just see ep 16), and she hasn't even stated or even implied an attraction to members of the same gender. But then again, she never states any kind of evidence to determine her sexual orientation until now, which gives fanfic authors a free hand. XD

And no, I won't tell you what premise I had to put them together. It's a crackfic remember? Reality gets suspended for crackfics. XD Just think BDSM, cosplay and Miyuki being highly OOC to get an idea of what I have in mind. Oh I'm evil. Haha.

My goodness, I really have it in for Miyuki. Fwaahahahaha. My favorite torture victim of the moment. Muahahahaha. I almost pity her. Almost.

Don't you? ;)

I'll be damned! I was right after all!

Lol.

Seems like Miyuki is now my new favorite character (to mess with). XD

She's doing the whole unrequited love thing pretty well. <__< Not to mention the whole being able to let the other person go to see them being happy. Talk about being a loyal friend. That girl takes it out to the extremes.

If I were nicer, I would say that "she deserves to be happy!". But I'm not a nice person, so I'm going to torture her some more in my fics. *cough* Yayness, Rokujou Miyuki just totally made my day. Haha.

Gotta love her though. And boy, is she well endowed or what?? o__o Well, Shizuma did undress her (for a completely innocent reason!! and I'm not lying), and we got to see something...not much, but enough. And yes, the function of the Gratitiuous Shower Scene gave us an eyeful too. So far, just about every major character has been seen in the shower at least once. Lemme see, we have Nagisa (twice I think), Shizuma (sigh ep 12...), Tamao (couple of times), Hikari and Yaya (after their swim), Amane (once), Kaname and Momoni (multiple times...evil lesbians...), Miyuki (ep 17 XD) and I think that's about it for shower scenes. Fanservice ya? I'm not complaining, it's not that bad and not too intrusive. Although I admit I gawked at Shizuma in the shower for quite a while. *cough*

I'm a sad creature really, resorting to perving on imaginary anime characters in the nude. Oh well. It's better than actually perving on real people...I think. No, don't answer that, I don't want to go into comparative morality or any sort of ethical discussion at this point in time.

Lalalala~~~ I might have to take into consideration the events in episode 17 for my still ongoing flashbacky fic with Miyuki and Shizuma. I'm onto like 4500+ words...but it's going to end soon! Just one more flashback, then back to the present with our kaichou-sama asleep in the council room, and... *the rest is a secret~!* XD

Wow I'm totally inspired by Miyuki, and that is scary, Lol. She still isn't a de facto "fav character" in that sense, but she's fun to mess with. Like I repeated many times before, chibi Miyuki is TOTALLY fic-bait for an author like me. Contrast her with grownup Miyuki, and you get angst galore without even trying. Add Shizuma into that equation and the angst (not to mention moments of humour) overflows. Add mystery character from Shizuma's past for grand finale. Muahahaha.

I just realised that Rokujou-sama's tendency to pile paperwork onto Shizuma with a smile on her face just totally reminds me of Shizuru for some reason. But of course, many things in my life reminds me of Shizuru (which testifies to the scary absurdity of it). Somehow, the way Miyuki hands off the work to Shizuma is far too reminscent of Shizuru getting the better of Natsuki. Haha.

Meh, I should go now. Ja!

Spent about an hour looking over about 20 pages worth of discussion on homosexuality on a forum, and I must say I've learnt a lot.

I cannot honestly say if I am homoesexual. I'm still in the midst of figuring that out. Because, homosexuality is defined by having a sexual attraction to a member of the same gender. Do I have a sexual attraction to members of the same gender? Occasionally, yes. Just look at Hyori. Lol.

But I'm fairly certain that isolated or random cases of this type of attraction don't necessarily make one homosexual. It simply implies that you have a normal (or overly active) sex drive. To be homosexual, it seems that the sexual attraction to the same gender has to be pretty consistent. I'm not saying that you would have to have the hots for every passing man/woman (depending on your gender), but that on the whole, you tend to consider members of the same gender as sexually attractive more than members of the opposite gender.

So what category do I fall under? Uncertain. I am attracted to members of the opposite gender (occasionally), but I've found that in recent years, I have found myself more inclined towards noticing members of the same gender. Perhaps its the type of material that I've been engaged in. Maybe, just maybe, reading and watching too many stories and shows with homesexual-related themes have influenced my mindset. But that would suggest that homosexuality is a matter of nurture, of choice, that people choose to embark on such an "alternative" lifestyle. I'm sure some, if not many gays and lesbians would firmly reject that line of reasoning. To them, they can't choose NOT to be gay. They are gay, period, full stop, whatever. It is not a matter of choice to them. They can't help being attracted to members of the same gender.

But personally, I'm beginning to realise that yes, I sometimes find someone (regardless of gender) sexually attractive because of their physical attributes. Yes, I acknowledge that such a judgement is almost unforgivably shallow, but hear the rest of my words first.

However, I realise that to sustain an interest in the person, I would have had to find more than physical attributes about the person to like. If I cannot, then I would simply classify the person under "sexually attractive" and "desirable", but will not continue beyond that line to pursue a relationship or anything. And yes, that means that I might have a one night stand with someone like that, but I won't embark on any sort of serious, committed relationship with someone I only find sexually desirable. There's more to a person that just having sex. I want someone I can actually talk to as well. Someone I can respect, and someone I can spend time with without falling back on sex every single time.

Then what if I find something else to like about the person other than their physical attributes? Then, yes, I will have a sustained interest. And that does not matter whether or not the person is male or female. I'm interested in the person behind the body, or in other words, the "mind" or the "personality". If it just so happens that the person happens to be female, well, that's just too bad isn't it? I can't help being attracted to someone, and I'm not going to reject it just because it's socially or "morally" wrong. Attraction is attraction, and the important part, I think, is what I choose to do with the attraction.

And what do I do most of the time? Well, knowing me and my perennial lack of confidence in myself, I end up hiding the fact that I'm in any way attracted to anybody, because I don't know how to handle the feelings and I don't think I can handle the rejection. It's a terribly sad truth of my life.

And no, celebrity crushes don't really count because most of the time, we're crushing on the IMAGE of the celebrity, which may or may not be the real person that the celebrity happens to be. Even if the image coincides with the real personality of the celebrity, it still doesn't stick very well, because I believe that to be truly attracted to somebody, you really have to get to know them on a personal level. Otherwise, it's simply a surface crush and nothing more. A relationship built on surface crushes doesn't last if the couple doesn't make an effort to get to know each other AND accept each other for the way they are.

You know, all these talking and I still haven't figured out if I'm straight, bi, or lesbian. Although if taking into account everything I've said above, then I'm most likely to be bisexual, but if one really wants a more accurate term, the word "pansexual" may be more appropriate in my case.

Pansexual: refers to all or "omni" gender attraction, and are used mainly by those who wish to express acceptance of all gender possibilities including transgender and intersex people, not just two. Pansexuality sometimes includes an attraction for less mainstream sexual activities, such as BDSM. (Source: Wikipedia)

Lol at the BDSM part, but yeah, I'm open to all possibilities. Actually, what I'm looking for in a relationship is more of a companion, or an "equal" of sorts. Yes, I'm terribly old-fashioned, so sue me. I actually subscribe to the whole "soulmate" idea (yeah go ahead, laugh).

But what does it matter? I am who I am. People are who they are. I am interested in people, and yes, that does include their bodies, because its part of the whole package. To say that one is ONLY interested in the personality is to be a hypocrite. But like I said, the body is part of the whole package, and while it is taken into account, it should not be the only or most important considering factor. All factors are important, although one can choose to give different levels of importance to each factor, since we all have different priorities. I may feel that a person who considers the physical as the most important factor in choosing a partner to be shallow, but if that is their preference, then so be it. I am not responsible for their relationships. They are free to do as they please if it does not affect me adversely.

Sorry if I come across as somewhat sententious in my posts. I can't really help it sometimes. But it's a good way to get these things off my chest. My personal principle is that "I might not agree or approve of it, but I won't condemn you for it". I don't have the right to condemn or judge anybody, because I'm almost equally bad. "Let the one who is without sin cast the first stone", as Jesus himself said in the Bible. I might not be Christian anymore, but that is a perfectly logical and sensible statement, so I subscribe to it.

People are different. We have different opinions about things. It is possible to disagree with someone and still be friends with the person, but only if the disagreement is not on issues that directly or indirectly threatens to cause real harm the other person, be it physically, mentally or emotionally. If so, such a major disagreement would make it difficult, if not impossible for people to come together peacefully.

I am not a wonderful person. I am happy that I'm not perfect. Perfection can be terribly boring. What's the point of life if we were already perfect? There would be no reason for self-improvement, thus taking out one of the major reasons for living. And if we were ALL perfect, then we can't even use the excuse of wanting to help others. A perfect society would be terribly meaningless. Perfection means that we are the best that we can possibly be, life would be terribly stale because everything is already perfect and we can't even improve anymore.

Ok I'm beginning to ramble and argue circuitously. Not good. Which means...time to go eat! Lol.

See you guys then!

Here's a short preview of my still-unfinished Strawberry Panic one-shot.

The silver waves in front of her were utterly captivating, and young Rokujou Miyuki stared, wide-eyed, at the perfection that rose out of those shimmering silver curtains like a goddess out of the sea. Unknowingly, she flushed, uncertain of what she was going to say at that point in time. 'This is going to be my roommate?' she thought, peeking nervously up through her bangs to study that portrait of grace before her, awed by the promise of great beauty written within those innocent features.

Her soon-to-be roommate smiled at her, and it was then that the pooling sunlight from the window paled in comparison to that simple gesture. Flushing even more deeply, she looked quickly away, finding the minute stitches that made up the carpet beneath her feet utterly captivating.

The angel before her spoke then, and she could actually feel the smile through the words. "Hello, my name is Hanazono Shizuma, and it's nice to meet you."

She knew she was supposed to speak then, but words failed her. Her numbed mind struggled fervently to wrestle a coherent response to the simple introduction, but all she could managed was a few half-strangled squeaks that emerged from her throat. Blushing deeply in embarrassment, she shrank deeper into herself, wishing then that the delicate stitching on the carpet would just absorb her into the finely woven tapestry, the better to hide her from that unbearable scrutiny from the child-goddess before her.

Never breaking that tiny half smile on her face, Shizuma prompted her shy roommate quietly. "Your name is...?"

Startled into a conditioned response, as should have been expected from a well bred girl from a respectable family, Miyuki blurted out her response.

"Ro-Rokujou Miyuki desu!"

As if all her senses were on high alert, she could actually feel Shizuma's smile grow just a tiny bit wider. Uncertainly, she looked up, steeling herself as best as she could against the expected charisma practically flowing in undulating waves from her fellow first year student. 'How does she do this?' Miyuki wondered.

"Well, I'm happy that I got you as my roommate Rokujou-san. You seem like a nice person." Shizuma paused, as if thinking something over. Miyuki idly wondered what it could be as she fingered the hem of her uniform nervously, unsure of exactly what to say in such a situation. She mentally berated herself for such cowardly indecision. Was she not a scion of the proud Rokujou family? She was raised to be better than a shy, timid little girl. She was supposed to be like...this little image of perfection standing before her. She was still in the midst of administering a stern lecture to herself when Shizuma spoke again.

"Since we're going to be roommates, why not we drop the formalities? Do you mind if I call you Miyuki?" There it was again, that calming, melodic voice. Miyuki blinked, her little reverie interrupted.

"Anou..." She quickly replayed Shizuma's words in her head. "Of course...it's not a problem, Hanazono-san."

"Shizuma." Miyuki stared straight at the silver haired girl for the first time, uncomprehending. Shizuma smiled benignly. "Please call me Shizuma, Miyuki-san."

"Oh...right...then...umm...Shizuma-san?" Miyuki repeated that name carefully, as if it were a precious piece of dessert to be savored, or something akin to what clear, spring water was to a man dying of thirst in a desert. Shizuma smiled wider, an honest, heartfelt smile that Miyuki felt obliged to return with one as sincere as given to her.

And then Shizuma took her hand, and thus began their journey together as friends and roommates at St. Miatre Girls' Academy.


Yes, I know. I KNOW. Rokujou-sama sure isn't acting like her tough, capable self here. Hello, they're only 10 at this point in time, and if the flashback in ep 9 is any indication, little Miyuki isn't exactly the epitome of strength and self-control at that point in time. Oh my gosh, I had so much fun writing from chibi Miyuki's point of view. The kind of hero-worship that Miyuki seems to have for Shizuma here is just my idea of how they first met. XD

Just picturing that scene above makes me go "kawaii!" because I just adore chibi Miyuki and Shizuma. Weeehee. Now to get to the part where Miyuki is crying in the hallways. ^__^

Ahhh, finally discovered the names of the two hanger-ons. XD

Tougi Hitomi (the one with long dark hair) and Kanou Mizuho (short red hair).

Actually, Miyuki isn't even my favorite character. Shizuma and Chikaru are. XD But chibi Miyuki is so adorable that I just can't resist the urge to write about her. ^__^

And o__o. Hitomi and Mizuho have an uncanny ability to finish each other's sentences. Lol. How interesting. *plans to use that to full advantage* XD

And I was right again. Only Miyuki addresses Shizuma as an equal. Even Hitomi and Mizuho refer to Shizuma with the "sama" honorific. I guess it comes from them being roommates for about 6 years. XD

Oh happiness! *begins to scheme evil plots*

*looks up from Evil Plans* What, you still here? Away with you!

*slams door*

I simply cannot, I repeat, cannot, get over how cute chibi Miyuki and Shizuma are.

I mean, honestly, chibi Shizuma is just so cool/cute and in certain shots, almost looked like an older brother to the somewhat timid-looking Miyuki. Yeah I know, the great Rokujou-kaichou looking timid...well, she was crying then, and almost everybody looks vulnerable when they cry. ^__^

It's inspiring me to write drabbles about the two of them. Not really in any real romantic sense, but stuff on their friendship, because THEIR CHIBI SELVES ARE WAY TOO CUTE. Hehe.

Oh my goodness, the kawaii-ness. Honestly. I played back the short flashback scene in episode 9 multiple times just to see the two of them. My gosh, chibi Shizuma = too cute for words. Haha.

Besides, I think I just realised that Miyuki usually calls Shizuma by her name only when they were alone or in non-official settings. And I realise that as of now, only Shizuma ever refers to Miyuki by name, everyone calls her Rokujou-kaichou or something along that effect. I'm doublechecking those facts now, wouldn't want to get it wrong now, would we? ^___^

Ahhh now I see. Yep, only person who refers to her as "Shizuma" is still only Miyuki...and I really need to find out the names of those two other girls who "escort" *coughguarddogscough* Shizuma around to make sure she doesn't run away from her Etoile duties. They appear to be close friends, or at least acquaintances with Shizuma, after all, they mentioned that they have known Shizuma for 12 years, all the way from kindegarten. XD

I love the dynamic between Shizuma and Miyuki. Miyuki always acting like a mother hen and lecturing Shizuma for escaping from her Etoile duties (at least right at first), and generally being the mature and strong one of the two. Shizuma seems somewhat flighty in comparison, despite her calm demeanour that she presents to the rest of the school. Then we get hit by the double whammy in episode 9, that Shizuma turns out to be the stronger one (when they were kids) and was Miyuki's source of strength and inspiration. I suspect that Miyuki's strict adherence to rules and such, and her commitment to her role as the Student Council President, is an outgrowth of her promise to Shizuma that she would be strong and persevere, because Shizuma came for her when she was crying alone in the hallway.

So cute right? And Miyuki actually zoned out in class and Shizuma had to whisper to her to wake up and tell her where they stopped at. I found the following lines very meaningful.


Shizuma: That's rare, you usually aren't like that. You better work harder.
Miyuki: Thank you. (in response to Shizuma's help earlier) *thinks to herself* Work harder, eh?

Interestingly, Miyuki was blushing after Shizuma gently chided her for zoning out in class. Embarrassment for not being her usual strong, composed self? Possibly. It's almost as if I could see shades of their old relationship as kids, with Miyuki being dependent on Shizuma. At this point in the anime, this is startling as it almost seemed in previous episodes that Miyuki had to have to rein Shizuma in like a mother disciplines her child. Role reversal much? But it betrays the fact that Miyuki still very much relies on Shizuma in a symbolic sense, that Shizuma, despite her seemingly irresponsible behaviour at times in previous episodes, still technically has a hold over Miyuki, who constantly strives to attain the level of strength and perfection that Shizuma has. Very very fascinating.

So many possibilities. XD Gotta go now though, be back later. Ja!

I can't wait for episode 17 to come out. XD

Yeah I'm referring to Strawberry Panic.

I mean, the preview...o___o;;;

Looks like we see some Miyuki/Shizuma action. O___o;;;

Well it could be just me, but seriously, what sort of messages are being sent with Shizuma disrobing Miyuki???? Maybe I'm taking it outta context, but still....

Well at least there's one crack pairing of mine fufilled. ^__^

Some hints of Nagisa and Tamao getting a bit closer. Well, Nagisa and Shizuma got their action in episode 16. XD So happy to see the interaction.

Well, the play "Carmen" gave me quite a few moments of thought. And I was right, Chikaru is hot. Well she did play Carmen. *is happy*

And I finally get why they casted Shizuma as Don Jose. She does a very good anguished cry of "Carmen!!!" at the end of the play. *coughs*

Of course, the play "Carmen" evokes strong feelings in me. I remember falling off the couch once just hearing about it. No I refuse to explain why. Chengwei and Kanai might remember why, well at least Chengwei should remember if I tell him about *ahem*. Student Council vice-president anyone? *looks around innocently*

Well, because I'm so happy today, I'll reveal 10 secrets about myself! That hasn't been on the blog before that is. ^__^

10 Secrets About Me

1) I like romance novels. o__o
2) My first crush was not when I was 12, was a whole lot earlier than that actually. *think 9/10-ish*
3) My first crush on another girl was when I was in JC. Honest! *the subsequent ones came a little later...*
4) I cheat on tests sometimes in order to get good marks...
5) As of now, I have 2 people I'm currently interested in. *no, no names yet*
6) I tried to kill myself a 2nd time, but chickened out with the knife. *first time was the OD attempt*
7) I have entertained thoughts of killing the student population of my school whenever I'm on the balcony of the auditorium, preferably with automatic gunfire.
8) I have found myself emulating the behaviours and mannerisms of my favorite characters.
9) I use the people around me with distressing(not) frequency. *WHAT friends?*
10) I did PGSM!Minako impressions in order to get out of school. *coughfaintingcough*

Lol. That was fun.

Maybe I should make another list another day.

Ja!

Fond recap of a cute ShizNat fic.


“Shizuru! Oi Shizuru! Get up! We are going to be late!”

She opened her red eyes. In front of her was a panicking Natsuki who was already in her school uniform, struggling to put on her socks and screaming loudly to wake her up.

“I never thought I’ll see the day where Natsuki is hurrying to go to school.”

“But it’s your graduation. You can’t miss it,” Natsuki was tying her shoelaces in a flurry of hand movements, “you’ve already missed at least half of the Student Council meeting.”

“…but I’ve haven’t had my early morning tea.”

“Shizuru! What is more important: your graduation or tea?”

“Tea.” She stated simply, clutching her warm blankets closer to her. Wasn’t that obvious?

“Argh!”


Gotta love Shizuru and her obsession with tea. It's almost as funny as Natsuki's obsession with mayo. Heh. And this scene would explain why Shizuru was happily dozing during the graduation speeches. XD

I never thought I would say this, but I have found another Shizuru clone.

*loud shriek in general direction of Fuuka Academy Church*

Ara ara, I wonder what or who was that. *faux innocent smile*

Yep, watching Strawberry Panic, and the first time I saw Hanazono Shizuma, I was like "Here we go again". XD Not only do the names tally up, even some of the actions and mannerisms are similar. Worse, Shizuma is a whole lot scarier and dangerous than Shizuru was...mostly because Shizuru only focused on one person (namely Natsuki), whereas Shizuma (at least early on) was basically hitting on all the cute girls, left, right and center. Our beloved "Juliet" had better be afraid. Be very very afraid. XD

*sees a van with the logo Locksmiths Inc pulling up in front of Fuuka Academy Church*

Yeah, definite obsession with da red-eyed characs (Ayanami Rei, Ootori Amane...and Shizuru!!). And a newly realised obsession with the silver-haired/golden-eyed combination (Sesshomaru-sama!! And Shizuma-sama!!!). XD

Yep, Strawberry Panic is definitely full-on yuri. Happiness! The Amane/Hikari/Yaya love triangle is cute. Then there's Shizuma/Nagisa/Tamao. Tamao is creepy I tell you. It's like Tomoyo on steroids and crack. X___x At least in CCS Tomoyo only displayed a cosplay fetish and a videocam obsession. Tamao goes all out in collecting data on Nagisa. Everything from her measurements (lol 1st ep) to the way Nagisa-chan screams (XD;;;) is carefully noted in her little black book. o__o That is one dedicated fan right there.

In terms of favorite characters in Strawberry Panic, well Shizuma scores points for reminding of Shizuru, not to mention I think she's beautiful. ^___^ And I love the way she keeps running away from the Miatre Student Council in order to escape from her duties. Hehe.

But suprisingly, Chikaru (that's the Lilim Student Council President) scores high in my popularity table due to her neutral attitude. She just sits back and smiles benignly while chaos explodes around her (namely when Rokujou and Shion start arguing XD). When that scene came up, I was thinking "all we had to do was put a cup of tea in her hands and we get Shizuru recapped". LOL. Not to mention Chikaru has a wildly funny side too (as President of the Transformation Club...aka some kind of twisted cosplay thing with only 3 members...xD;;;;). I like Chikaru simply because she's so....well, likeable? No angst for one, and she also scores points for reminding me of Shizuru. XD

*notices that the confessional in Fuuka Academy Church has been deadbolted from the inside*

XD

Chiyo-chan makes me go "kawaii" everytime I see her. She's just so adorable with her semi-crush on Nagisa....you know, the whole sempai-kouhai thing. She has noticeably less angst, because all she wants is for Nagisa to be happy (which happens when Shizuma is around hmmm).

And GAWD. Yaya and Hikari are like Chikane and Himeko reincarnated, I swear. Everything in episode 13 reminds me of KnM where Chikane is busily preparing Himeko for her date with Souma. Wouldn't that make Amane the equivalent of Souma here? No no no, Amane-sempai is a whole lot cooler than that snot-nosed Souma kid. XD I don't even know who I should be rooting for in this love triangle. At least I know I support Shizuma/Nagisa.

Although if that doesn't work out, I guess I can fall back on Miyuki/Shizuma. XD Chibi Rokujou-kaichou is so adorable, and chibi Shizuma is sooooooooooooooo cute. XD *happiness*

*shrug* I'm weird I know. Darn though, that makes a 2nd Shizuru clone. It's a bit scary haha. If Chikane is Fujino Shizuru incarnate though, Shizuma tends towards the Shizuru Viola model. Yeah, there is definite difference between HiME Shizuru and Otome Shizuru. Viola is definitely more stable than Fujino, probably because in Otome, Natsuki returns her love. XD And Viola is definitely more of a flirt than Fujino is. Hehe. Not to mention that Viola is older than Fujino (by at least 5 or 6 years).

*thinks back to the Arika-fainting scene* Hmm, has definite parallels with the Nagisa-fainting scene in SP ep 1 when Shizuma kisses her on the forehead. *snickers*

Sigh, I'm in love with Shizuru in all her forms. XD Of course, Shizuma actually managed to make me save her picture when she's in super-angst mode in episode 12, something that Shizuru has failed to do thus far (probably because I never got round to finding THE best pic hehe).

Fwahahaha. Nvm. *bounces off while huggling Shizuru plushie*

Ah hi there! *is wiping keyboard*

I'm in bliss. ^__^

Got a bunch of ShizNat doujins, and my heart is going doki doki. ^___^

Sooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy~~~~~

There's lots and lots of kissing. *is delighted* What can I say, I'm a pervert. XD

Of course, it's not just sweet innocent kisses. It involves tongue. *bliss* A lot, a LOT of tongue. *grins cheesily*

And it proves that yes, Natsuki is the uke of the relationship. Somehow she always ends up on the bottom. Somehow. Gyahahahaha.

And of course, there's lot more of 'this' and 'that', in Mai Otome euphemism-ese. XD

Yes they had sex!! Wheeeee! *more bliss*

Too bad they only showed the before and after *damn*, but that's ok, I'm still turned on. XD

No konks, don't give me the eye anyone. It can't be that bad, can it? ^___^

I'm still grinning in a silly fashion. And drooling. A lot. Hence the keyboard-wiping, ya know?

Loved the 'lip balm' part. XD Natsuki complaining that her lips were too dry, and Shizuru was like, "let me give you some of mine". ^_________________^ She was totally licking Natsuki's lips...and more. *grins widely again*

And I just adore what the artist did with Shizuru's hair. XD I didn't think it could be any better, but I was wrong. Hehe.

*looks through the doujin again* Hmm...what is Shizuru doing down there? *tries and fails to look innocent* ^______^

*licks lips nervously* My goodness, I'm starting to drool again. *slaps forehead* I'm such a pervert. Never mind.

*snickers slightly* Shizuru, insatiable? Can definitely picture that. XD Natsuki being all shy and drawing away, which only succeeds in REALLY turning Shizuru on. Muahahahahah.

Oh the innuendo. XD Shizuru is still the best at making Natsuki blush. ^__^ I love this part:

Natsuki: "...My appetite's back too."
Shizuru: "Ara, that's great then. If you like, you may eat me now."

*cough* Haha. Only Shizuru could say that and still smile so innocently as if nothing was happening. And Natsuki was like O___O. Hehe. *snickers* You do know what Shizuru means when she said that eh? *winks*

Lol the Otome version of Shizuru is hilarious. So...flirtatious. XD And young Otome Natsuki is just like the HiME version, all nervous and blushing and stuff. XD

*wubs ShizNat pairing* They are so so so sooooooooooooooooo kawaii together!!!

Of course, I currently think that the hottest doujin I have now is the Volume 4 one where Shizuru is in university while Natsuki is still in Fuuka Gakuen. Yes, that is the one with the part about the lip balm. XD That is also the one where they had sex. *squeeee* And also so sweet when Natsuki acknowledges the depth of her own feelings for Shizuru while waiting for her to finish her work. *sighs* Gotta love those two.

This is why I love doujinshi. At least they make fangirls like me all floaty and happy. XD I needed that. I really needed that kind of adrenaline boost. Although there is a certain drawback... *interesting mental images* I'll never get a proper night's rest again...ah well...it was worth it...^___^

And I can't help but keep picturing that searing kiss they shared... *kyaaaa*

*licks lips* Delicious...

....

Never mind, I need a cold shower.

Ja!

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is 100%. You are not suited for a monogamous relationship. You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it. In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

Wtf lol.

Let's analyse the traits one by one. XD

1) Well, that's true. I like being free. XD
2) That's true, I get bored way too easily, I need someone who can think fast enough to keep me sufficiently entertained. XD
3) Eh? I never thought of it that way...
4) Considering that that's the way my father is, I can't put up with someone like that as my partner. Not to mention that I'M the insecure one here, so we don't need two insecure people in need of reassurance in one relationship. XD
5) I swear, too much Haruka/Michiru influencing my love life's beliefs. *shrugs* They're the golden couple to me. Forever and ever and ever! XD
6) LMAO. I mean, seriously ROFLOL. So I can't commit eh? I knew that...if online flings are anything to count for, I simply just can't stay with one person for more than 2 weeks...and that's a stretch. Usually doesn't last more than 3 days...*cough* And I did two-time (or was it triple-time?? XP) once... Come on, I was younger then...I won't do that now...would I? *tries to look innocent* XD
7) I suppose...I can't imagine myself married really, see above. I probably end up cheating on my partner...bad girl...baaaaad girl. XD
8) Good point. ^__^ Since the figure of my obsession is currently unavailable (thank goodness), I'm free to obsess over other people for the time being. XD

Tralala. *is reminded of Key of Heart* Nyaaaaaa!!!

Materialize!! *too much Mai Otome x__x*

Maki maki. *Shiho is freaking scary XD*

Shizuru-sama!!! *squeeeeeeeeeeee!!!*

I wub Shizuru! Still my favorite anime girl. Favorite anime couple is Haruka/Michiru (too hard to dislodge them unfortunately). I would want to put Shizuru/Natsuki next in line, but only their Mai Otome incarnations. Too much angst in Mai-HiME, and not enough resolution. Sigh. But Minako/Rei in PGSM comes close, but too bad they're not exactly 'anime', since PGSM is live action. Oh yeah, Chikane/Himeko comes in on my top list too. XD

Sigh. I think I found a kindred shoujo-ai shipper. Another female Singaporean! Woohoo! 2 years older than me though. But had exactly the same reactions to certain anime (DIE TATE DIE!!! *cough* XD) Plus she adores Shizuru-sama as well, so brownie points to her! She also wubs Chikane, so more points! Lol. Unfortunately she also confirms that Chikane did in fact rape Himeko with a flute in the manga. *eye twitches* x__x

Fun fun fun! I like that girl. She has similar interests with me. Mostly the shoujo ai part, and anime in general (I don't like Godannar like she does though...the fanservice irritated me to the point that I stopped watching after like 5-6 episodes). And she admits that she gets turned on by explicit shoujo-ai manga. XD I definitely like this girl.

Still reading through her blog, about halfway through. It's mostly anime reviews, which I'm having fun reading through, especially when she's commenting on Mai-HiME/Otome. I like the way she skips to ShizNat moments. Muahahahha.

Ok gotta stop now. XD Shizuru/Natsuki forever! *huggles Shizuru plushie while smiling blissfully*

Get the joke? XD

*cough*

Enuff said.

I personally think that the fic Ask Sister Nao and Sister Miyu was one of the funniest (and most disturbing) things I've ever read.

As the first chapter already hints, those two are "a notorious delinquent and a robot which has a crush on pint sized WMD control platform." Hehe. *snickers* I think the most psychologically disturbing scene in the entire Mai-HiME anime HAS to be in the last episode when we see Nao and Miyu in nun outfits. XD Can you imagine? I almost snorted my drink out through my nose when I saw that.

And yes, Miyu is the robot with the crush on a pint sized WMD control platform...aka Alyssa Searrs. *cough* Just look at Alyssa's Child Artemis and you get the idea...the Artemis Lightning attack is pretty much a weapon of mass destruction, fired from space. XD

Of course, when you add the "psycho pregnant nun", as quoted from Nao, to the trio, its pretty much a recipe for great hilarity. I think the part where Natsuki writes in, asking for advice on how to avoid Shizuru's amorous advances (in public, she doesn't have a problem with it in private, apparently XD), and Nao's subsequent response was funny. Of course, the punchline came in the next chapter in the aftermath of said "advice".

Nao could not believe what Natsuki had done, because she herself would not have done it.
Kuga Natsuki took her advice, yet Nao would not have taken Nao's advice.

"Signs point to desperation", quoted from Miyu. Indeed. I think Shizuru must have been coming on a little TOO aggressively. XD And Shizuru's letter of complaint to them was classic. You could actually hear her saying it in her slightly singsong manner. Of course, its already disturbing when we find out that Nao is deathly afraid of Shizuru adding her to her harem, and that Shizuru has a lingerie fetish (that says a lot actually).

More funny is the Kannazuki no Miko characters coming in on chapter 6, where Makoto and Otoha write in respectively. XD And yeah, that's where the "Fujino Mk II" comment came in, courtesy of Miyu, and we get to see more of Nao freaking out (at the thought that there are Shizuru clones around, specifically Chikane in this case XD) and locking herself in a confessional.

And the following line is classic.

"I'm trying to lose myself in a world where there aren't two psycho lesbian stalker/ collectors running loose. Leave me alone!"

Courtesy of a very very scared Nao. I would agree. Chikane and Shizuru are both psycho, both lesbian, and both decidedly stalkerish. The collectors part is debatable though, but the other 3 instances are already enough...

If one wonders why Shizuru and Chikane are stalkerish, think back to Shizuru admitting that she has been secretly disposing of Orphans so that they wouldn't harm her precious Natsuki, and the fact that she was lurking in the background watching the other HiMEs (including Natsuki) fight a strong Orphan, and stepping in to kill it when it threatened to harm her Natsuki. As for Chikane, how many times has she had the urge to run after Himeko when Himeko is out of her immediate range of sight? *coughs*

Lol at the assorted perverted humor in that fic. From Miyu and Alyssa's "relationship* *cough paedophilic robot cough*, to the liberal mention of explicit yuri activity (well mostly censored by Yukariko, but our imaginations can leap that gap with ease...). But Nao was the best here. Hehe.

Ok gotta go for dinner now. Cya!





Quote:
To the bearer of bad news,

I can't believe there's TWO people like that in the same country, much less in the same universe, so I'm going to pretend I never received this letter. Lalalala, there's no Shizuru clone out to make me her bitch.

Signed Sister Scared.

P.S What sort of sicko does it with a flute? I thought Shizuru and her edible green tea panties are bad enough.

--Sister Nao, after receiving Otoha's letter.

Note from me: Edible green tea panties??? Do I really want to know?! *twitches* Maybe not...
2nd note: In the manga, apparently, Chikane rapes Himeno with a flute. I haven't actually seen it for myself though...and I'm pretty sure I DON'T WANT TO. So there.

Well I've got a screwed up life.

My chair's falling apart. My computer table's falling apart. My life is generally falling apart.

Isn't that fun?

Really shouldn't angst so much on konks' birthday, but it can't be helped.

When someone says "hit the wall", they don't usually mean physically, but I do.

Maybe all that knockabout managed to mess up more than a few nerves in what's left of my grey matter.

Well, for starters, I've never been particularly wise to begin with, so stupidity comes naturally. Right.

Talented? Meh. Only those who don't know me say so. Fluffy said so, and she means it, but she only sees one side of the line. Lucky her.

I have pretty pretty eyes. Or so I like to think? But only when they aren't dead and dull. That would be terrible.

So...

Excuse me while I try to bang my head against the wall some more.

Before I start...

Happy Birthday Konks!!!

XD

Now you're 18 years of age! *it IS 18 right?* :P

But anyway, congratulations to being one year older. Officially. Muahahaha.

*huggles* Happy birthday! Hope you receive nice presents. :)

No, I'm not insane. Why in the world would you ever think that?

In response to one of those voices in my head, that is.

There are chickens!

No, I don't get what I'm saying either.

Sorry, being random today. Maybe I just know not what I am doing.

Oh, what woe for two pence and a strawberry ice-cream!

Yep, officially bonkers, and proud of it.

Being chained is never a good thing, is it?

Had a haircut earlier, but I left the length more or less alone. Just trimmed it to make it look less wild. Haha.

It was funny sitting in the salon, and staring at the mirror, watching my reflection stare back just as stoically as me.

As some might know, I have a strange habit of making faces at myself in the mirror whenever I'm having a haircut, largely due to boredom. Hehe.

However, this time wasn't so bad. I had my mp3 player for one thing. Second thing was that I was amusing myself with cheeky thoughts. No, not of the bad kind, silly. What kind of pervert are you hmm? Never mind, forget I asked.

Basically, whenever the hairdresser moved my mass of hair around, thus conjuring up a new "hairstyle" so to speak, I came up with an amusing quote or soundbite just to entertain myself.

Like the part where I said that I bore an uncanny resemblance to Juliet Nao Chang. XD

Seriously though, at one point I was thinking, how in the name of all gods did I end up with Nao's hairstyle? Lol.

Then there was the one which got me thinking that I looked like a hammerhead shark. No, don't try to visualise that. It's creepy.

Oh, and the famous Phantom of the Opera look came in too. What with half of my face being covered with my hair. Heh.

But honestly, I didn't start this post to discuss my hair. Seriously. I just got sidetracked, like I so often do. Character flaw there. I have the attention span of a moth on crack. XD

So what was my original point? *scrolls up* Ah, the chains.

So, being chained isn't so bad if you don't see the bindings. I've almost forgotten the bonds that hold me secure through this day, not until my granny, bless her soul, asked me about it. Hah. Not even my dad noticed. I should be grateful though.

Juri-sama's locket...I must really idolise my Juri-sempai to do this. Talk about emulating an idol. This takes it out into the deep end, the far end. Ah well, the things that keep me sane are the basis of the insanity of others. I'm sane because I am insane. Simple, ne?

Hey I just discovered that the bathroom is an excellent place for me to think. I just discovered something truly important.

I made the cage.
I fashioned the lock.
I chained myself.
But I didn't throw away the key.

Interesting riddle there. :)

Here's a little something for you to mull about konks. I can always walk away, but I didn't. I chose not to. I already told you why I stayed for that special individual. But I didn't actually tell you that I chose to stay, that I could leave at any time, but didn't.

Sure, the person's special, but not important. Do you understand? I can leave. The most special and important person to both of us, are both dead. You know that. So far, I'm sure we find people who are either special or important, but not both in its true sense.

I wear the chains. I follow like the obedient dog after its master. But I'm not a dog. I'm wild like the wolf, and I wear no collar, merely a silken thread around my wrists, that amuses me enough that I would not break it, not now. Someday I may tire of it and break free of that slender connection, but not now. I'm not sure if you understand, but I trust that you will. After all, you are me and I am you, in a unique sense. You know, I think you're the little sister I never had.

Thanks for everything konks, will talk to you next time. :)

Finished watching Kannazuki no Miko.

*silence*

WHAT THE HELL.

That's the only thing I can say. They put me through 12 episodes of solid angst, and then they think they can get away with the half-assed fluff that lasted all of 30 seconds.

Well, at least, we got to see Chikane and Himeko confess to each other their true feelings while at the Lunar Shrine. That was potentially sweet, however, the fact of Chikane's impending death hanging over them wasn't exactly the most fluff-inducing moment. Haiz.

One huge plot hole there though. Chikane was stabbed, she's bleeding out to death...then how come she and Himeko get to blab on for so long??? I mean, by the time they had finished, a normal person would have had no blood left. Lol. Oh well, its still sweet. Agonisingly so, but sweet. At least they openly resolved their feelings for each other, and they got to kiss. *cheshire cat grin*

But $%#@%#$^ at the epilogue. They didn't even have the decency to show Chikane's face, for goodness' sake. We only saw her hair and her body below her neck. Gah. And Chikane was my favorite character too!

But at least the implication of the epilogue is that Chikane and Himeko get to be reunited under different circumstances. XD That isn't too bad...however, they put the viewers through super-angst for 12 episodes and this is all we get? *is pissed* Haha.

Lol I always like the same archetype of anime girls. First Juri, then Shizuru, and now Chikane. This chain of events is getting ALMOST disturbing. Almost. Hehe.

On a random note, Chikane and Anthy from SKU share the same family name. Himmemiya. Like, wtf. I know why Anthy had that surname. The potential characterisation links between Anthy and Chikane are slight, but if one looks closely enough, they're there.

In anime, names tend to hold a lot of significance...usually. There was even an extensive name analysis on Juri's full name on one site. Lol.

You know, Himeko has an uncanny visual resemblance to Aino Minako from BSSM. Like, whaaa??? I mean, long blond hair, big red bow tied to hair, bubbly personality....*eye twitches* Only difference being that Himeko has violet eyes whereas Minako has blue eyes.

And Chikane has a slight visual resemblance to Hino Rei from BSSM too. The long black hair and general demeanour raises some visual cues. Not quite on the same level as the Himeko-Minako resemblance, but its there.

It just occured to me that Rei has lavender eyes. Just like Himeko. And Minako has blue eyes. Just like Chikane. o___o They switched eye colours?! <__<

Lol. I'm getting KoM the moment I finish with the Mai Otome download. 11% down, 89% more to go. *sigh*

I think I'll go after Strawberry Panic next. Hehe. *cough*

Finally got BoA's Key of Heart PV btw.

I think I understand why konks said that she looks most natural and "real" in this music video.

It seems that BoA, in this video, is the closest fit to what I believe she would have been really doing if she had not stepped onto the path to stardom. Somehow, I believe that a non-superstar BoA would have been a pretty much normal girl, getting fairly good grades, dancing with a group of her friends for fun after school or during her free time. And the roadtrip idea used in the MV really strikes a chord somehow. I could see her doing it, or wishing that she could now, considering her professional commitments as of now. Heh.

Maybe I'll write a short story on that. *shrug* I like alternate universe ideas. XD

Anyway, back to trying to settle my stomach, because the silly thing is busily trying to reject my lunch. Ugh. Be back later!

Watching Kannazuki no Miko.

And after about 6 episodes, I'm about ready to throw up my hands and scream.

That author was right in calling Chikane "Fujino Mk II". The parallels between her and Shizuru's behaviour is incredibly disturbing.

Currently on the 8th episode, and the first thing I thought halfway through was "WTF?!?". Because Chikane was doing what Shizuru did in Episode 22 of Mai-HiME. Not quite the same thing, but the vibe is there. Damn creepy, I tell you. Sigh.

They're both obsessed with their respective others. Obsessed with protecting them, making them happy...until it warps them. O__o

Oh. My. God.

Oh yeah, she's snapping, right now. O___o

*slaps hand to forehead* Ugh, what's with all the incredible angst?! I mean, by sending Otoha-san, who up until now has been the only source of humor in the series, away, it symbolises the end of the humor scenes. Augh. Load on the angst man. *eye twitch*

Oh FUCK.

Sorry for the language, but there is no adequate substitute for a description of the situation.

At least Shizuru didn't rape Natsuki...well, unless you chose to interpret the flashback differently. But, crap, Chikane, you baka! Did you have to do that to Himeko? o___o

Oh my goodness, she is so losing it. I can actually see the sanity slipping away.

I suddenly think I understand Chikane's descend into darkness.

She herself said it. That Himeko was her light. After all, Himeko is the Solar Priestess, and Chikane the Lunar Priestess. The moon needs the sun to shine, for does it not bask in the reflected light?

By pushing Himeko away into the arms of Souma, despite her own pain, Chikane is denying herself the light which nourished her, kept her shining in all her glory. Without the sun's rays, the moon disappears into the darkness. And that's what happened.

Wow. Episode 8 was a very significant episode. I think that Oogami-sensei, who was researching the two priestesses, must have found something along the lines of "the two must stay together for better or for worse". That they are meant for each other, 2 halves of a whole. That without each other, they would not be complete. Of course, I'm still not entirely certain at this point in time...

I suddenly also understand the waning crescent moon in Episode 7. Its synonymous with Chikane's fading from the light and into the darkness. Man, witnessing that kiss between Souma and Himeko, and afterwards hearing from Himeko that she believed that Souma might be her soulmate, must have really been the deathblow.

Despite her actions in taking advantage of Himeko, I somehow don't fault her as much as I probably should. I pity her instead. Sure, I'm outraged, and distressed, because this twist makes it more difficult for them to reconcile. Ugh.

*twitches some more* Eh?!?!

On Episode 9 now. o__o

Why with the expression? Well, judging by Himeko's behaviour, she somehow still subconsciously desires to have Chikane by her side, despite what Chikane did to her. She wants to know why Chikane violated her, of course, but I think she's willing to accept Chikane. This is one complicated girl here. o__x

Finished Episode 9. Is about to tear hair out in frustration.

When I told Konks that shoujo-ai, with 2 girls, is double the angst, I didn't mean it quite THAT literally. o__o Kannazuki no Miko is so angst-laden that even I'm overwhelmed. Lol.

It's a bit scary how big hearted Himeko is. How can she so easily disregard the fact that Chikane had well, violated her? But then again, deep down, their souls are bonded to each other, so I think she subsconsciously knows that its ok. o__o What am I saying?!

Ah well, it's getting late. 3 more episodes! I can't wait. XD

I believe I've just done the equivalent of Juri's act of putting on the locket.

It didn't occur to me at first. Somehow it just popped into my head.

That cruelly innocent smile. So Juri said. That's how it seemed to me too.

Ruka tried to save Juri from herself, tried to pry the locket off her. He died.

The locket came off from outside intervention, during a duel when it was cut off from around her neck.

But the real locket, the one she carried in her heart, never really did, did it?

Maybe one day I can finally take it off, put it down, cast it away.

Break the chains.

Maybe, one day, maybe.

I already promised not to cry. Now will you let me go?

Nope.

Then what do you want?

Take it off.

My, aren't you bold.

Not that you moron.

Ara? Then what do you want?

Take that thing off.

Are you mad at me?

...No.

Then leave me be.

You're not making any sense.

Neither are you.

Argh. How does Chaos-aniki stand you?

By being equally annoying, that's how.

Forget it. Just take the damn thing off, and I'll let you go.

What thing?

Quit playing. You know what.

No.

No?

No.

Fine, be that way.

...hey wait! You can't just leave me here! Where are you going? Heeeeeeeeeeeey!!!

*silence*

Forget it ever happened.

See, I'm perfectly fine. *grin*

Toilet trips are good for the soul. It puts everything into perspective.

I guess watching the shit (literal and figurative) being flushed down with all the pretty twirlies helps put it in place.

*suddenly thinks of Shiho's maki maki*

O__o

Never mind.

恒。

Perserverance. Eternity.

Why does it have to hurt so much?

I'm not going to take it off if I don't have to.

I fought back tears on the bus. It still hurt.

Because I'm an idiot. Because I feel like Shizuru right now, minus the insane homicidal part.

It felt good to be there, but walking away reminds me of the distance that cannot be bridged.

Now I finally get what Shizuru feels. Damn.

Still desiring, we live without hope.

Ain't that the truth in the end?

I want to be special to someone too.

Important and special mean different things. I learnt that today.

On hindsight, I learnt that on PGSM too, for when Mamoru said that Hina was "important" to him, she knew what it meant. Important, but not special. That place was for Usagi.

I'm important to my dad. I may be important to other people, if any. But I'm not special to anyone.

I have special people in my heart. I have important people there too.

My dad is important to me. A select few of my friends are important to me.

Only one is special though. But strangely, not all that important.

Somehow, distance is the best cure. I think I understand Chengwei's decision now. Why do we both have special but unattainable people? It's really unfortunate.

One day I'l find someone both special and important to me. Right now, there's only one special person, but not as important...not anymore. And that's alright. It makes it easier to let go.

After all, I'm not special. How could I be?

It's much too late. As long as they're safe, it's alright.

It's all wrong, but even when the king no longer has a people loyal to him, he will still continue to protect the kingdom, as a good king should.

I'm no king, no lord, no noble, either in blood or action. I'm just human. Pathetically so. I can't do anything. Except maybe stay out of the way. That would be the best course.

This doesn't mean a thing to me.

The night is quiet, who will be there for me?

In the end, we are all alone after all.

I didn't think it was possible, but Shizuru looks cooler in Mai Otome than she does in Mai-HiME.

Of course, so does Natsuki. And I just love Nao to bits.

I think the 3 of them are my favorite characters now. Lol.

And yes, Shizuru looks better in her Otome outfit than her regular clothes. It might have something to do with the fact that its hugs her curves very snugly. *cough*

However I'm prejudiced against the fact that its purple, so Natsuki wins out in her sleek blue and silver outfit. XD

I have never claimed to be particularly objective on such matters after all. Save objectivity for essay writing. Fandom is a completely different issue. ^__^

It pleases me that Shizuru hasn't lost her touch in getting the better of Natsuki (more subtly though muahahaha). And she's a flirt. O__o Witness how she made Arika faint just by blowing in her ear. XD

*huggles Shizuru plushie* I wuv my Shizuru-oneesama! And I'm so happy that they kept her tea-drinking habit. XP Shizuru just wouldn't be Shizuru without the tea. And Haruka-chan wouldn't be able to call her "bubuzuke woman" otherwise. XD

Still watching Mai Otome, only on 2nd episode. Will have more to say soon. Muahahha.

I was very startled to find myself having Shizuru-thought moments today.

You know, the whole dangerous possessiveness slash teetering insanity part.

Which translates to: a very very bad situation indeed.

Especially considering what caused it.

Wanted: Some psychatric consultation necessary. No moneyback guarantee for trauma inflicted during therapy.

Never mind, I'm doomed.

Talk about Fatal Attraction. Never mind that.

Ignore the above, you never saw it, and it doesn't register. It is all an illusion.

I'm beginning to see myself as a broody, angsty, teenage brat. How wonderful. How illustrous. How terribly flattering.

It's so cold. But I won't stop being this way, because physically and emotionally, it was safe ground. Damn.

Why do you keep running away?

Shit. I'll leave now. Go somewhere quiet where they can't find me. Go somewhere where I can't find myself.

She runs again, afraid of her own shadow, afraid to stop, afraid of letting the walls fall away. She runs, fear and desire driving her, a vain hope stoking her direction. She runs relentlessly, wind, rain or shine. She runs, heedlessly, selfishly. Even when she stops, she never truly does, like a wolf straining on a leash, ready to run off, yet not quite able to. She ran like the wind, with the wind, bornt aloft by pride and despair. Hope lingers not long in her, for she runs away from it like the tides rushing away into the sea. She runs, for running's sake, the motion a habit, a familiar routine, and she cannot stop now...

Fool, that girl. She will be the death of us all. Can she not see that the growing storm is carrying the shattered pieces of the mirror away? With a great rustling sound they are gathered, then scattered, like dust on the wind. If she does not stop to pick up the pieces, there will be nothing left. Not of us, nor of her? Is she trying to destroy us all?

Does onee-san have to stop to gather the broken shards? If they are already broken and useless, why should she stop and hurt herself more by picking them up? She can always buy a new mirror and put a new image in, can't she?

It was never that simple to begin with. Can she still cast a reflection? I don't think she even wants to see a mirror. She broke every single one in the cave. And continues to break them. No, she can't see a reflection now, because she doesn't want to cast one. She holds the keys in her hands though. To past, present, and future, and we cannot disobey her.

And in the end, we are just going to let her go, let her drown, let her run herself into the ground. Like we did the last time.

I feel uselessly frivolous.

I think the best way to attain humility is to read the blog of a certain acquaintance of mine. That really instills the sense of inadequacy in myself.

Good news and bad news in school today.

Bad news: I didn't get my A1 for GP. Was one mark away. ONE LOUSY MARK. Forget it. I'm cursed.

Good news: I got 45/50 for GP Paper 1. No, its not a typo. I did get 45 out of 50. My first instinct was to question if I was seeing it right. Second instinct was to wonder if the teacher was crazy. Third was to twitch convulsively while my muscles were torn between spasming spamodically in joy versus propelling me in a random direction (preferably up) to demonstrate my elation. My brain managed to stop functioning for several moments after the shock of that news settled in. I know I regressed into my famous state of Babbledom for a short period of time. It happens. The CPU that is my brain is prone to hanging at awkward times. Maybe it's infected with a virus? I wouldn't put it past my brain.

Oh, and my exam script was stolen by the school to put in some silly time capsule thing supposedly to preserve memories of current times for the official opening of the new campus. Don't worry, I don't get it either.

So all I got back was a photocopied version of my original. Thanks.

Some people might not get the fuss over the 45/50. Long story short though, in JC for GP, the average "good" mark is in the high 30s. Anything that is above 40 is rare, if unheard of. According to my GP teacher, she has never seen a mark like it before. And she has been teaching for several years. Granted, maybe not long enough to provide substantive empirical evidence, but it's still shocking.

I'm afraid that I must comment about the teacher who marked my script. I'm very happy that she gave me 45/50. However, I wish her handwriting was more legible, because I wanted to read the remarks without having to resort to a Da Vinci Code rerun. I'm not a cryptologist and I don't intend to pursue that career in later years. However, what I can read of the numerous comments littering (literally) the columns on both sides of my essay is rather amusing. If I was showing off my ability for rational argument in the body of my essay, then the teacher was showing off her knowledge of cultural references that I didn't even realise that I had incorporated into my essay. I like it though, it shows that the teacher has a mind, and is well read. And it spurs me to want to read the books I had apparently drawn examples from without realising it.

You know, part of the shock of receiving the score was that I thought that I had messed up the essay. I was almost certain that it was badly organised and the arguments circuitous. Towards the end I was just making it up as I went along. Random ideas were just jumping around in my head while I strove to dump them all out in semi-coherent lines arranged in some semblance of thoughtful order. Well, I was rushing to finish it due to the time limit, and I had a heavy sense of dread when I had finished it that day. I was absolutely sure that I had gone off point, or made no sense. Imagine my surprise when my teacher informed me that I scored the highest with my essay. All I could do was go "EH?" and raise an eyebrow, while silently thinking "How the heck?!"

I guess it's a good reason for me to do abstract questions. I like moral, philosophical types of questions where there's room for argument and rationalising. It's my forte. I can probably argue my way out of a pit of quicksand if the subject appealed to my sensibilities. And it helped that I was thinking about the same topic that I wrote about before BT2 ever happened. You know, all those high and mighty dissertations on Justice, Good and Evil, and general cosmic theory on my occasionally pompous blog. Never thought it would come in that useful. Heh.

Well, its late and I need sleep. *yawns widely* Night...

Children are such innocently conniving creatures.

They are pure, wide-eyed, yet clear on exactly what they want and will do whatever within their limits, physical and mental, to achieve their targets.

They are possessive, easily provoked to anger or jealousy, given that one knows which buttons to press. They are petulant, selfish at times, things that usually fade with age and more importantly, a firm hand to guide them to see beyond themselves and their own immediate needs.

They are fiercely protective of that which is important to them, even if they do not fully understand how or why. Only that they cannot tolerate it being taken from them, and will unleash all parts of their arsenal, from crying to kicking and screaming, or worse, in order to keep it with them.

They see the world with little complications, youth and inexperience being the perfect blank slate with which to consider a world that is fresh and new to them. Everything is taken in more easily than an adult would have had, because the perfect child is not judgemental, not prejudiced, is curious because he or she knows nothing with which to color their perception. They will not fear a grotesque man, being wary first, yes, but if said person does not threaten or harm them, they will not fear them, for curiosity overrides any other instinct that does not stem from conscious or unconscious prejudice or bias.

They are simply children, young or old, it matters not. Children are as children are, in the heart, mind and soul. Age is not an indicator of maturity, far from it. What matters is the perception. What makes us children is the way we see things. Not our physical experiences and growth. What matters is the mind, so often overlooked.

Somewhere inside all of us is a child. But many of us have forgotten what it means to be a child. Childishness does not equate one's status as a child, it is simply an excess from childhood, but not an indicator of childhood itself.

We have forgotten what it means to be children, simply because we have learnt too many things. Far too difficult it is for us to return to simpler times, where good guys wore white and baddies in black were always defeated by the said good guys. Too many things we know that are not true, too many of us know that the world is not black and white, but in shades of gray.

Yet the child still lives within us, sometimes buried so deep that we think it is no longer there. That spark of innocence, that eager curiosity, the wide-eyed fascination. Are these not part of what being a child is all about? But the world has forgotten. Because society has forgotten, and thus the world and its people forget. Civilisation has erased the true meaning of childhood, placing emphasis on maturity and level-headed experience. Yes, these are important, but what is most important to humanity is still the child, the symbol of the future, and the redeeming quality that resides still in all of us.

Children are not perfect. They are sometimes irrational, sometimes petulant, sometimes a hindrance. Yet we need them as much as we need air. Without children, there is no future, no reason for the present, and then the past will cease to matter.

We, who have forgotten what it means to be a child, have forgotten the way to the future. It began with the Fall of Man in ancient times, and then on through the ages, a creeping, insidious poison that rots away at the foundation of what it means to be human. And we let it, because we cannot remember the meaning of being a child, not anymore.


~Owari

The tenacity of the human mind is astounding.

Just thought I'd say that. You know, just for kicks.

I think I'm newly in love with Dante. Lol.

No, not the Dante in Devil May Cry. The 13th century Italian poet. That Dante.

My new favorite quote, which I shall put on my MSN nick later when I get home:

Come, follow me, and leave the world to its babblings.

How very very true. I'm sure Kanai appreciates the quote as much as I do. XD

Midway in our life's journey, I went astray
from the straight road and woke to find myself
alone in a dark wood.

Sums me up well, I'll say.

There is no greater pain than to remember, in our present grief, past happiness.

Another brilliant one.

From little spark may burst a mighty flame.

My personal gaming philosophy.

Ah, savage company; but in the church
With saints, and in the taverns with the gluttons.

*smirk*

Still desiring, we live without hope.

Can I reiterate that Dante Alighieri is now one of my favorite quotables other than Nietzche? And that he's inspiring me to learn Latin even more?

Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.

I think I'll change the quote under my site's title to this one.

I love sometimes to doubt, as well as know.

Story of my life.

Heat cannot be separated from fire, or beauty from the eternal.

Nice one. Too bad so many people can't acknowledge that basic fact.

Let us not speak of them; but look, and pass on.

I dedicate this line to Chengwei and Kanai. We know what this means in relation to the Others, do we not?

The more perfect a thing is, the more susceptible to good and bad treatment it is.

I really really like this guy.

The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who in times of great moral crises maintain their neutrality.

Heh. That would be me.

No one thinks of how much blood it costs.

Yes.

Heaven wheels above you, displaying to you her eternal glories, and still your eyes are on the ground.

Hmpf. I can say this of so many people, and on occasion myself.

I wept not, so to stone within I grew.

Oh...my...goodness...

For where the instrument of intelligence is added to brute power and evil will, mankind is powerless in its own defense.

I can say it no better.

These have not the hope to die.

Is he talking about me I wonder?

I should really read the Inferno. I think I could grow to like it. Heh.

Oh and now I'm looking up John Milton. Guy who wrote Paradise Lost. Yet another person I could grow to like. XD

All succeeding quotes from him.

The mind can make a heaven out of hell or a hell out of heaven.

That's what I've alwas been talking about. Morons.

Loneliness is the first thing which God's eye named, not good.

Hey, "in the beginning, there was nothing" came before "and God saw that it was good" in the Bible. Lol.

Better to reign in hell than serve in heaven.

Is he rationalising Lucifier's betrayal? I like this guy!

Laws can discover sin, but not remove it.

Applause please.

Revenge, at first though sweet, bitter, ere long, back on itself recoils.

Too true.

There is no truth sure enough to justify persecution.

Take that, religious fanatics!

Time, the subtle thief of youth.

Sigh.

I think that's enough quotes for today. I respectfully bow out.

As a follow up to the last post, Nao and Kozue should definitely meet up. They can exchange notes on men-baiting. XD

And I think Akio and Reito (the possessed version) should definitely have a long chat. Heh.

And I had a strange image that Shiho and Nanami should meet up. *coughoniisamacough*

Utena should probably talk to Akira. *coughcrossdresserscough*

Anthy and Fumi can probably sit down and discuss finer points of servitude.

Wakaba and Mikoto can exchange tips on the fine art of glomping.

Touga and Reito (student council vice president version) should also swap tips on making girls swoon.

Saionji can have a practice kendo match with Takeda while both of them angst over their respective obsessions. *coughanthyandnatsukicough*

Utena should advise Mai on how to avoid painful contact with the floor when being glomped.

Miki and Takumi should get along well. *coughtheirsisterscough*

Yukino should try to cheer Tsuwabuki up a little, since she's luckier than the poor boy.

Chie and Aoi can probably join forces with the Shadowplay girls. *sigh* ...the chaos...

As you can see, twisted imaginations in bringing the SKU and MH universes together. Hey what can I say, both have shoujo-ai elements, and the characters have disturbing parallels at times.

*suddenly has a brainwave* I know! Dios and Mashiro should exchange notes on patiently waiting for centuries!

*readers facefault*

Ehehehe.Seriously though, Akio and Lord Kokuyou have some serious parallels. And since Mashiro/Princess Suishou is his counterpart, that would make her parallel with Dios. *sighs*

Oh, and Shiho can get tips from Ruka and Shiori on sheer manipulative-ness. *shudders* Shiori manages to hurt Juri on a regular basis, while Ruka actually suckerpunches Juri by kissing Shiori while Juri was watching, and I think Shiho can follow in their footsteps given the chance....think when she coerced Yuuichi into kissing her while Mai was watching. Familiar yet? Plus her dark side is just...creepy.

There is no counterpart for Yuuichi in SKU, probably because he's not dysfunctional enough to have a counterpart in Ohtori Academy. Let's just face it, the guy's boring. The only contribution he makes is as Mai's and Shiho's Key. He tries to play hero, but anyone with eyes know that Mai is the real heroine anyway. Haha. As you can see, I don't like Tate Yuuichi. Maybe I'm just biased. Heh. Wouldn't be a long shot. I rather see Mai with Reito, for goodness' sake.

I suddenly remembered that Nagi should probably hook up with the Shadowplay Girls, and probably talk with Touga about their respective lapdog status to Lord Kokuyou and Akio respectively. Heh.

Ok enough of half-witted linkages between my two current favorite shoujo-ai series. I think I found a couple more shoujo-ai series to be watched. XD Fear me.

Owari.

It just occurred to me that Shizuru and Juri should meet up and exchange notes over unrequited loves.

Lol.

Yeah yeah that was random.

But so true, ne?

*grins madly*

Suddenly I had a juxtaposition of images...one with Shizuru and her insanely hooded eyes (naginta in hand, Kiyohime in flaming background), and another with Juri after her lost-of-control scene (complete with the screaming that "There are no miracles!" and trying-to-strangle Utena). I think they're more alike than I ever thought.

XD

Both of them are in the student councils. Juri is a duelist, and Shizuru a HiME. Both are outwardly calm and composed and elegant. Both are secretly in love with their female friends. Both are excellent fighters. Both can be very creepy when they want to be. Both of them can freak out the resident delinquent of their schools (Kozue in SKU, Nao in MH). Both of them are dropdead gorgeous. I think I'll stop now. Hehe.

I completely skipped dinner today due to lack of will to eat. Might be depression, but I doubt it. Depression is familiar, and whatever I have now feels nothing like it. I don't feel sad. I don't feel empty. I just exist. Meh. Food seems irrelevant somehow. I shall go sleep now.

If sleep comes to me tonight, that is.

Finally finished Mai-HiME, downloading Mai Otome.

*smirk* Despite finding Shizuru incredibly creepy with her crazed eyes and stuff, I still wub her. o__o It might have something to do with her homicidal instincts when Natsuki is hurt or threatened... O__o;;

So now, I can add Shizuru/Natsuki to my all-time favorite shoujo-ai couples. XD

The others are (in no particular order):

Haruka/Michiru (DUH)
Minako/Rei (PGSM, hehe)
Anthy/Utena
Juri/Utena (blah blah, I'm weird)
Juri/Kozue (don't ask me, but it works...and they angst pretty well, always a plus point ^__~)
Seras/Integra (I usually prefer Seras with Alucard though...)
Rei/Asuka (and I don't mind a 3-way with Shinji...yes I'm somewhat perverted, but it does seem to fit)
Buffy/Faith (my first ever shoujo-ai couple favorite XD)


It occurs to me that Mai-HiME has quite a few shoujo-ai possibilities. I mean, other than the obvious ShizNat pairing, there's Chie and Aoi (look closely at one of the scenes in the last episode...), and then there's questionably Mikoto's affection for Mai.

Of all the HiMEs though, only Midori (who STILL reminds me of Misato Kusanagi), Akane, Yukariko, Akira and Shiho are confirmed to be straight. That's less than half. Nao is unconfirmed, for although she flirts aggressively with men and strings them along (literally), she doesn't seem to have anything but contempt for men. So I'd place her in the suspiciously inconclusive category, especially since she's the one who first points out (as a joke...or not?) that since Natsuki keeps rejecting men, she might possibly be lesbian. Lol.

Obviously, Shizuru is NOT straight, if her confession and actions towards Natsuki mean anything. Natsuki herself, well, never actually seems to say that she returns Shizuru's feelings in quite the same way in the anime, although she does realise that Shizuru is her "most precious person" and vice versa. Which made for a very twisted scene, since when Duran blasted Kiyohime, they both ended up dissolving into bright green sparks...while in each other's arms. XD

Mai is most likely straight, but why did I not include her in the above list? Simple, there's the Mikoto factor. By the end of the series, Reito, Yuuichi and Mikoto all profess to be in love with her (comical scene, that one), and she appears to love all 3 of them. Well, probably Yuuichi the most, but she probably does care very deeply for the Minagi siblings too (more Mikoto than Reito though...). So, mostly likely straight or bi. Heh.

Then there's obviously Yukino's quite obvious love for her Haruka-chan (lol), which places her firmly in lesbian category I'm afraid. Heh.

As for Fumi, I strongly suspect that her devotion to Kazahana Mashiro (otherwise known as the Director, or Princess Suishou) could possibly be interpreted as love. Of course, not much indication, but I would put her in highly suspicious category. Heh.

I forgot to talk about Mikoto I think. Personally, while her affection for Mai can be considered as sisterly/daughterly, events in the final battle does cast a slightly suspicious light on that assumption. *cough* She's innocently cute though. Hehe.

Now I understand why Shane did a Sailor Moon/Mai-HiME crossover fic. The shoujo-ai elements are fun to play around with. I like how he replaced the Mai-HiME characs with the Sailor Moon ones. Eheheh. Mamoru as Reito/Lord Kokuyou? Artemis as Nagi? Minako as Shizuru? Rei as Natsuki? Hotaru as Miyu? Chibiusa as Alyssa? Makoto as Mikoto? Usagi as Mai? Luna as Princess Suishou? Michiru as Yukino? Haruka as...well, Haruka (O__o the pun is not even funny)? Ami as Akane? Setsuna as Kazuya (diff gender...o__o)?

I think among the Mai-HiME characters, I like Shizuru, Natsuki, Nao and Nagi the best. Yes I like Nagi. No, I'm not weird. I think the guy's funny. I think I like Reito too, because for some reason he reminds me of Chaos on a nice day. o__o I even like Midori, because she's amusing. XD Mikoto is great for comic relief (see last episode for the ultimate funny scene XD). And I like Mashiro because she's so cool. Haha. ^__^

I have a peculiar affection for Nao though. I think the way she plays Lolita to reel in men and then proceed to tie them up and rob them blind is absolutely cool. And the way she licks her clawed hand (her elements) like a cat is kinda kinky somehow. Lol. That and the fact that Natsuki and Nao are very similar to each other (and they absolutely can't stand each other XD) makes it all the more fun. Hehe. Some author somewhere suggested a 3-way relationship between Shizuru, Natsuki and Nao. I wasn't sure how that would work at first, but after watching a few more episodes, I think I get it. XD It's weird though...I suspect Shizuru could probably wrap both Natsuki and Nao around her little finger in between tea-drinking sessions. Hehe. That's if Natsuki isn't already wrapped around her little finger. Shizuru does seem to have a way about her...like Haruka says in one episode, Shizuru knows how to manage people. Switch the word "manage" for "manipulate" and you get the idea. Besides, that dignified air she has does seem to throw people off, especially when she always appears calm in the face of a storm (except when Natsuki is in danger...then all bets are off at that point).

But I'm babbling. *huggles Shizuru plushie* I just adore her. I knew I had a soft spot for the calm, psychotic types. No, its not a contradiction. Shizuru is a picture of dignified calm for about 22 episodes. Then she descends into insane killer mode in the last 4. *cough* Seeing her in a ripped, bloody kimono and wielding her naginta casually as she walks away from the bloody wreckage she caused is both disturbing and intriguing. I don't know. I'm attracted to darkly psychotic people. God help me.

Although, of course, when she returns to "normal" in the last episode when they were restored by Princess Suishou, she's her usual funny self again. The way she says "Forgive me!" to Nao and Yukino (after having killed their Childs and thus their loved ones earlier) in that disarmingly innocent way was a major facefaulting moment, I know I almost slammed my nose into my desk from the shocked laugh I had from that moment. You have to see it to understand what I mean. Heh.

Ah, Shizuru and her tea. What can I say? I somehow giggle whenever I see Shizuru calmly sipping tea as if nothing is happening...which is often. And her pose after she summons her naginta is somehow familiar. I'm sure I've seen it somewhere before. Hmmm....

Ok gotta stop now. *whacks head against desk*

And this was what I was doing in Mr Smith's lesson today:

Hospital Avenue

Down Hospital Avenue, 3 in the morning.
Dawn's not here, trees block the view
of silent, burning stars, flickering
In skies, wards, hearts and minds.

My feet in silent communion with the road,
orange and black of light and shadow,
tiger's twisted parody. It is loud here,
where there is no sound, but silence
Oppressive.

The remains of day linger, artificial
Lighting the shadows afire. Eyes closed,
one can imagine it is noon again,
save for the lack of the sun's burning heat
on paled bronze skin, roughed out smooth.

My heart beats to unseen time, peculiarly synchronised
with muffled footfalls on fallen leaves. The mind is silent,
numbed in heated cold, chilled shivers running in sweaty trails,
down the face and body. Soul's awake, in the shadow of illness
Recovered and ailing.

A familiar road, this one
Down 3rd Hospital Avenue.
Legs tread memory's path, tentative.
Wary of knocking on the proverbial door,
to forgotten emotions, faded recollections.

The mind remains quiet, there is no need to speak.
My legs do the thinking, scaling rocky peaks,
in the thorny path to realisation.
My soul resonates with sickness suffering, aura radiated
From the outline of Ward 76.

All's asleep at 3 in the morning, as am I.
My body moves on its own volition
Addressing causes the mind dismisses
Coming to terms in the day of night
Wounds unsealing from crude bandages
The hospital cannot bind in its expertise.

The door remains open, there is no door
To close on grief's lobby.
I walk out of the medical shroud
Out into artificial dawn
Back down 3rd Hospital Avenue
Into a future memory. Unresolved.
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Have I mentioned that I really love Boey Kim Cheng's work? The style in this poem came from reading his poems, which I find really reverbrated with my own consciousness.

And yes, I did walk down 3rd Hospital Avenue, not at 3 in the morning, more like 10 at night. The significance of the number 3...well...other than 3rd Hospital Avenue, my mom died in bed 3 of ward 76. And that is all I need to say of this matter.

Ciao.