Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Spent about an hour looking over about 20 pages worth of discussion on homosexuality on a forum, and I must say I've learnt a lot.
I cannot honestly say if I am homoesexual. I'm still in the midst of figuring that out. Because, homosexuality is defined by having a sexual attraction to a member of the same gender. Do I have a sexual attraction to members of the same gender? Occasionally, yes. Just look at Hyori. Lol.
But I'm fairly certain that isolated or random cases of this type of attraction don't necessarily make one homosexual. It simply implies that you have a normal (or overly active) sex drive. To be homosexual, it seems that the sexual attraction to the same gender has to be pretty consistent. I'm not saying that you would have to have the hots for every passing man/woman (depending on your gender), but that on the whole, you tend to consider members of the same gender as sexually attractive more than members of the opposite gender.
So what category do I fall under? Uncertain. I am attracted to members of the opposite gender (occasionally), but I've found that in recent years, I have found myself more inclined towards noticing members of the same gender. Perhaps its the type of material that I've been engaged in. Maybe, just maybe, reading and watching too many stories and shows with homesexual-related themes have influenced my mindset. But that would suggest that homosexuality is a matter of nurture, of choice, that people choose to embark on such an "alternative" lifestyle. I'm sure some, if not many gays and lesbians would firmly reject that line of reasoning. To them, they can't choose NOT to be gay. They are gay, period, full stop, whatever. It is not a matter of choice to them. They can't help being attracted to members of the same gender.
But personally, I'm beginning to realise that yes, I sometimes find someone (regardless of gender) sexually attractive because of their physical attributes. Yes, I acknowledge that such a judgement is almost unforgivably shallow, but hear the rest of my words first.
However, I realise that to sustain an interest in the person, I would have had to find more than physical attributes about the person to like. If I cannot, then I would simply classify the person under "sexually attractive" and "desirable", but will not continue beyond that line to pursue a relationship or anything. And yes, that means that I might have a one night stand with someone like that, but I won't embark on any sort of serious, committed relationship with someone I only find sexually desirable. There's more to a person that just having sex. I want someone I can actually talk to as well. Someone I can respect, and someone I can spend time with without falling back on sex every single time.
Then what if I find something else to like about the person other than their physical attributes? Then, yes, I will have a sustained interest. And that does not matter whether or not the person is male or female. I'm interested in the person behind the body, or in other words, the "mind" or the "personality". If it just so happens that the person happens to be female, well, that's just too bad isn't it? I can't help being attracted to someone, and I'm not going to reject it just because it's socially or "morally" wrong. Attraction is attraction, and the important part, I think, is what I choose to do with the attraction.
And what do I do most of the time? Well, knowing me and my perennial lack of confidence in myself, I end up hiding the fact that I'm in any way attracted to anybody, because I don't know how to handle the feelings and I don't think I can handle the rejection. It's a terribly sad truth of my life.
And no, celebrity crushes don't really count because most of the time, we're crushing on the IMAGE of the celebrity, which may or may not be the real person that the celebrity happens to be. Even if the image coincides with the real personality of the celebrity, it still doesn't stick very well, because I believe that to be truly attracted to somebody, you really have to get to know them on a personal level. Otherwise, it's simply a surface crush and nothing more. A relationship built on surface crushes doesn't last if the couple doesn't make an effort to get to know each other AND accept each other for the way they are.
You know, all these talking and I still haven't figured out if I'm straight, bi, or lesbian. Although if taking into account everything I've said above, then I'm most likely to be bisexual, but if one really wants a more accurate term, the word "pansexual" may be more appropriate in my case.
Pansexual: refers to all or "omni" gender attraction, and are used mainly by those who wish to express acceptance of all gender possibilities including transgender and intersex people, not just two. Pansexuality sometimes includes an attraction for less mainstream sexual activities, such as BDSM. (Source: Wikipedia)
Lol at the BDSM part, but yeah, I'm open to all possibilities. Actually, what I'm looking for in a relationship is more of a companion, or an "equal" of sorts. Yes, I'm terribly old-fashioned, so sue me. I actually subscribe to the whole "soulmate" idea (yeah go ahead, laugh).
But what does it matter? I am who I am. People are who they are. I am interested in people, and yes, that does include their bodies, because its part of the whole package. To say that one is ONLY interested in the personality is to be a hypocrite. But like I said, the body is part of the whole package, and while it is taken into account, it should not be the only or most important considering factor. All factors are important, although one can choose to give different levels of importance to each factor, since we all have different priorities. I may feel that a person who considers the physical as the most important factor in choosing a partner to be shallow, but if that is their preference, then so be it. I am not responsible for their relationships. They are free to do as they please if it does not affect me adversely.
Sorry if I come across as somewhat sententious in my posts. I can't really help it sometimes. But it's a good way to get these things off my chest. My personal principle is that "I might not agree or approve of it, but I won't condemn you for it". I don't have the right to condemn or judge anybody, because I'm almost equally bad. "Let the one who is without sin cast the first stone", as Jesus himself said in the Bible. I might not be Christian anymore, but that is a perfectly logical and sensible statement, so I subscribe to it.
People are different. We have different opinions about things. It is possible to disagree with someone and still be friends with the person, but only if the disagreement is not on issues that directly or indirectly threatens to cause real harm the other person, be it physically, mentally or emotionally. If so, such a major disagreement would make it difficult, if not impossible for people to come together peacefully.
I am not a wonderful person. I am happy that I'm not perfect. Perfection can be terribly boring. What's the point of life if we were already perfect? There would be no reason for self-improvement, thus taking out one of the major reasons for living. And if we were ALL perfect, then we can't even use the excuse of wanting to help others. A perfect society would be terribly meaningless. Perfection means that we are the best that we can possibly be, life would be terribly stale because everything is already perfect and we can't even improve anymore.
Ok I'm beginning to ramble and argue circuitously. Not good. Which means...time to go eat! Lol.
See you guys then!
]
I cannot honestly say if I am homoesexual. I'm still in the midst of figuring that out. Because, homosexuality is defined by having a sexual attraction to a member of the same gender. Do I have a sexual attraction to members of the same gender? Occasionally, yes. Just look at Hyori. Lol.
But I'm fairly certain that isolated or random cases of this type of attraction don't necessarily make one homosexual. It simply implies that you have a normal (or overly active) sex drive. To be homosexual, it seems that the sexual attraction to the same gender has to be pretty consistent. I'm not saying that you would have to have the hots for every passing man/woman (depending on your gender), but that on the whole, you tend to consider members of the same gender as sexually attractive more than members of the opposite gender.
So what category do I fall under? Uncertain. I am attracted to members of the opposite gender (occasionally), but I've found that in recent years, I have found myself more inclined towards noticing members of the same gender. Perhaps its the type of material that I've been engaged in. Maybe, just maybe, reading and watching too many stories and shows with homesexual-related themes have influenced my mindset. But that would suggest that homosexuality is a matter of nurture, of choice, that people choose to embark on such an "alternative" lifestyle. I'm sure some, if not many gays and lesbians would firmly reject that line of reasoning. To them, they can't choose NOT to be gay. They are gay, period, full stop, whatever. It is not a matter of choice to them. They can't help being attracted to members of the same gender.
But personally, I'm beginning to realise that yes, I sometimes find someone (regardless of gender) sexually attractive because of their physical attributes. Yes, I acknowledge that such a judgement is almost unforgivably shallow, but hear the rest of my words first.
However, I realise that to sustain an interest in the person, I would have had to find more than physical attributes about the person to like. If I cannot, then I would simply classify the person under "sexually attractive" and "desirable", but will not continue beyond that line to pursue a relationship or anything. And yes, that means that I might have a one night stand with someone like that, but I won't embark on any sort of serious, committed relationship with someone I only find sexually desirable. There's more to a person that just having sex. I want someone I can actually talk to as well. Someone I can respect, and someone I can spend time with without falling back on sex every single time.
Then what if I find something else to like about the person other than their physical attributes? Then, yes, I will have a sustained interest. And that does not matter whether or not the person is male or female. I'm interested in the person behind the body, or in other words, the "mind" or the "personality". If it just so happens that the person happens to be female, well, that's just too bad isn't it? I can't help being attracted to someone, and I'm not going to reject it just because it's socially or "morally" wrong. Attraction is attraction, and the important part, I think, is what I choose to do with the attraction.
And what do I do most of the time? Well, knowing me and my perennial lack of confidence in myself, I end up hiding the fact that I'm in any way attracted to anybody, because I don't know how to handle the feelings and I don't think I can handle the rejection. It's a terribly sad truth of my life.
And no, celebrity crushes don't really count because most of the time, we're crushing on the IMAGE of the celebrity, which may or may not be the real person that the celebrity happens to be. Even if the image coincides with the real personality of the celebrity, it still doesn't stick very well, because I believe that to be truly attracted to somebody, you really have to get to know them on a personal level. Otherwise, it's simply a surface crush and nothing more. A relationship built on surface crushes doesn't last if the couple doesn't make an effort to get to know each other AND accept each other for the way they are.
You know, all these talking and I still haven't figured out if I'm straight, bi, or lesbian. Although if taking into account everything I've said above, then I'm most likely to be bisexual, but if one really wants a more accurate term, the word "pansexual" may be more appropriate in my case.
Pansexual: refers to all or "omni" gender attraction, and are used mainly by those who wish to express acceptance of all gender possibilities including transgender and intersex people, not just two. Pansexuality sometimes includes an attraction for less mainstream sexual activities, such as BDSM. (Source: Wikipedia)
Lol at the BDSM part, but yeah, I'm open to all possibilities. Actually, what I'm looking for in a relationship is more of a companion, or an "equal" of sorts. Yes, I'm terribly old-fashioned, so sue me. I actually subscribe to the whole "soulmate" idea (yeah go ahead, laugh).
But what does it matter? I am who I am. People are who they are. I am interested in people, and yes, that does include their bodies, because its part of the whole package. To say that one is ONLY interested in the personality is to be a hypocrite. But like I said, the body is part of the whole package, and while it is taken into account, it should not be the only or most important considering factor. All factors are important, although one can choose to give different levels of importance to each factor, since we all have different priorities. I may feel that a person who considers the physical as the most important factor in choosing a partner to be shallow, but if that is their preference, then so be it. I am not responsible for their relationships. They are free to do as they please if it does not affect me adversely.
Sorry if I come across as somewhat sententious in my posts. I can't really help it sometimes. But it's a good way to get these things off my chest. My personal principle is that "I might not agree or approve of it, but I won't condemn you for it". I don't have the right to condemn or judge anybody, because I'm almost equally bad. "Let the one who is without sin cast the first stone", as Jesus himself said in the Bible. I might not be Christian anymore, but that is a perfectly logical and sensible statement, so I subscribe to it.
People are different. We have different opinions about things. It is possible to disagree with someone and still be friends with the person, but only if the disagreement is not on issues that directly or indirectly threatens to cause real harm the other person, be it physically, mentally or emotionally. If so, such a major disagreement would make it difficult, if not impossible for people to come together peacefully.
I am not a wonderful person. I am happy that I'm not perfect. Perfection can be terribly boring. What's the point of life if we were already perfect? There would be no reason for self-improvement, thus taking out one of the major reasons for living. And if we were ALL perfect, then we can't even use the excuse of wanting to help others. A perfect society would be terribly meaningless. Perfection means that we are the best that we can possibly be, life would be terribly stale because everything is already perfect and we can't even improve anymore.
Ok I'm beginning to ramble and argue circuitously. Not good. Which means...time to go eat! Lol.
See you guys then!
Comments:
Post a Comment
