Monday, August 29, 2005
Seeing
Let me leave--
They will not yearn;
There as puppets they will turn
Endlessly, endlessly til the day they burn.
Let me fall--
They will not weep;
Wrapped in satiny sin they keep
Secrets mired in boundless deep.
Let me bleed--
They will not see;
Crowned in excess they watch them flee
Laughing, chortling with evil glee.
Let me scream--
They will not hear;
Sunk in passions they hold dear
In their hearts hiding their deepest fears.
Let me go--
They will not care;
Swallowed in debauchery they do not dare
To face reality beyond what they can bear.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Tell Me Why
Tell me why
When things go wrong
You won't tell me
What went wrong
Tell me why
When you get mad
You won't tell me
What I did wrong
Tell me why
When you are sad
You won't tell me
What I could help do
Tell me why
Even though I care
You won't tell me
Anything that goes wrong
Tell me why
Even though you care
You hurt me
By not telling me why
-------------------------------------------------
The 2nd poem's dedicated to my father. I wrote this one the weekend. Also my reflection then:
Sometimes all a poem needs is a simple purity, a sincerity of intent that calls out to those who read it. A poet writes poems to express themselves; if they could express themselves verbally, they wouldn't have to write poems.
I have returned to basics with the poem "Tell Me Why". Straight from the heart, without thinking, a cry to be heard. Much like some of earlier poems, "Tell Me Why" was written in a fit a extreme emotion, without the careful crafting that was slowly establishing itself as my new style. It reminds me that sometimes, a simple uncomplicated voice can be more stirring than a meticulously crafted speech.
Isn't that inspiring? ^__^
Well anyway in 10 minutes its time for History lecture. Oh joy. Not that I dread it, but its just that its 5.05pm now and I WANT TO GO HOME. Lol.
Anyway Grace, Lester and I just went out to have some KFC at Anchorpoint. Along the way we had a nice browse through the shops there as well as at Queensway Shopping center. Lolz.
I just realised how much Grace and Lester were influencing me. I actually said, "Oh lemme check my hair" when we were at the traffic lights waiting to cross. My goodness. How bimbotic that sounded. I need a reality check. God help me.
Anyway Lester's peeking over and chuckling at what I just typed. Like, whatever. Great, even that sounded frivolous. What IS happening to me?! AHHHHH!!!
Ok let's just ignore that. I wanna play Zeal for a while before going off to lecture. Cyaz!
]
Let me leave--
They will not yearn;
There as puppets they will turn
Endlessly, endlessly til the day they burn.
Let me fall--
They will not weep;
Wrapped in satiny sin they keep
Secrets mired in boundless deep.
Let me bleed--
They will not see;
Crowned in excess they watch them flee
Laughing, chortling with evil glee.
Let me scream--
They will not hear;
Sunk in passions they hold dear
In their hearts hiding their deepest fears.
Let me go--
They will not care;
Swallowed in debauchery they do not dare
To face reality beyond what they can bear.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Tell Me Why
Tell me why
When things go wrong
You won't tell me
What went wrong
Tell me why
When you get mad
You won't tell me
What I did wrong
Tell me why
When you are sad
You won't tell me
What I could help do
Tell me why
Even though I care
You won't tell me
Anything that goes wrong
Tell me why
Even though you care
You hurt me
By not telling me why
-------------------------------------------------
The 2nd poem's dedicated to my father. I wrote this one the weekend. Also my reflection then:
Sometimes all a poem needs is a simple purity, a sincerity of intent that calls out to those who read it. A poet writes poems to express themselves; if they could express themselves verbally, they wouldn't have to write poems.
I have returned to basics with the poem "Tell Me Why". Straight from the heart, without thinking, a cry to be heard. Much like some of earlier poems, "Tell Me Why" was written in a fit a extreme emotion, without the careful crafting that was slowly establishing itself as my new style. It reminds me that sometimes, a simple uncomplicated voice can be more stirring than a meticulously crafted speech.
Isn't that inspiring? ^__^
Well anyway in 10 minutes its time for History lecture. Oh joy. Not that I dread it, but its just that its 5.05pm now and I WANT TO GO HOME. Lol.
Anyway Grace, Lester and I just went out to have some KFC at Anchorpoint. Along the way we had a nice browse through the shops there as well as at Queensway Shopping center. Lolz.
I just realised how much Grace and Lester were influencing me. I actually said, "Oh lemme check my hair" when we were at the traffic lights waiting to cross. My goodness. How bimbotic that sounded. I need a reality check. God help me.
Anyway Lester's peeking over and chuckling at what I just typed. Like, whatever. Great, even that sounded frivolous. What IS happening to me?! AHHHHH!!!
Ok let's just ignore that. I wanna play Zeal for a while before going off to lecture. Cyaz!
Thursday, August 25, 2005
I'm very happy today!
Well, sort of.
It's kind of like this. I had a very intellectual day at school.
What intellectual, you would ask. Well, it's sort of like being insightful and actually learning something while communicating ideas and new concepts about the subject matter.
For once, I felt like a real JC student. Not like a lost little slacker with no purpose in life. I felt...involved.
For someone with low self esteem like me, feeling involved is very therapeutic. Because, knowing me, I feel left out very easily. So being involved actively in something makes me feel useful and less unmotivated.
Also, I like learning. Contrary to popular belief, my slacker-ishness isn't an offshoot of my not wanting to learn. I enjoy learning about new things. It's studying that bores me. Unfortunately the system requires that we study, and I'm feeling rather stifled by the whole process.
I guess that's what they meant when they said that liberal education results in wastage of resources. Inevitably, some people will fall through the cracks. With technical education, efficiency is achieved; but the people are less prepared for unfamiliar situations.
Is it possible to reconcile the two systems? For if we can achieve the tuning of the mind while reducing as much as possible the wastage of human resources, we might just have a near-perfect education system.
Like that will ever happen.
Sorry, the cynic just woke up. You know how cynical people are. Always ready to put down any idea.
Great, I just realised how scholarish (aka boring) my earlier discourse was. I humbly apologise for causing any inconvenience....
....you didn't actually believe me did you? :P
The apology I mean. Why should I be apologising for me boring people on my blog. See, it's MY blog. I write to satisfy my own urge to write. Which, sadly, remains constantly unsatisfied. But that's a problem we shall discuss another time.
Do I sound self-centered or egocentric? I think I probably do. It's been a characteristic of mine since I was very young. Well, relatively young. My inflated ego stems from the fact that I was used to easy success at a young age. Of course, that diminished when I grew up, but that's beside the point. My ego is still sizeable, but I have weak self-esteem....
Isn't that odd?
It's a bit contradictory when you think about it. How can a large ego co-exist with low self-esteem? That's impossible right?
Actually, the way it works for me probably is like this. I have a very high opinion of myself. If I didn't know better, I would think that the world revolves around me. Lol.
Unfortunately, I am also easily deflated, which means that I think that people don't care about me. So in a sense, I feel injustice that nobody recognises me for my talent (the ego), and I'm greatly depressed by that fact, which might actually be the cause of my low self-esteem.
Great, now I'm resorting to psycho-analysing myself. What the heck am I doing???
Doing what I always do in the shower, it seems. I think a lot when I'm in the shower. I like thinking in the shower actually. It's easier to focus and rationalise when I'm in there.
I just burped and I caught a distinct taste of chicken in my breath. Hmm. Must be the fact that I had chicken chop for lunch earlier.
Am I blogging randomly? Yes. Do I care if I'm doing nothing productive at the moment? No.
^________________^
Alright the smiley was unnecessary. Heh.
K k, what am I doing at the moment?
I'm at the WoM boards. I'm on Zeal. And I'm here. That's about it.
And that's multi-tasking for you.
Ok now I'm at a loss for words. I have...gasp...nothing to say! The horror!
Well...if all goes to naught...I still have BoA to rant about... *evil smile creeps up*
*hears readers exclaim: NOT AGAIN!!!!!*
Ok, since I'm feeling so saintly today (haha some saint I am), I shall spare all and sundry from my obsessive worship session of BoA. Aren't you grateful? XD
*hears a vast sigh of relief, followed by mutinous mutters*
Heh. My ego is a vast open sore. Bwahhaha.
Right, now that I have nothing more to discuss, I shall bow out politely.
*bows and lights fade out*
]
Well, sort of.
It's kind of like this. I had a very intellectual day at school.
What intellectual, you would ask. Well, it's sort of like being insightful and actually learning something while communicating ideas and new concepts about the subject matter.
For once, I felt like a real JC student. Not like a lost little slacker with no purpose in life. I felt...involved.
For someone with low self esteem like me, feeling involved is very therapeutic. Because, knowing me, I feel left out very easily. So being involved actively in something makes me feel useful and less unmotivated.
Also, I like learning. Contrary to popular belief, my slacker-ishness isn't an offshoot of my not wanting to learn. I enjoy learning about new things. It's studying that bores me. Unfortunately the system requires that we study, and I'm feeling rather stifled by the whole process.
I guess that's what they meant when they said that liberal education results in wastage of resources. Inevitably, some people will fall through the cracks. With technical education, efficiency is achieved; but the people are less prepared for unfamiliar situations.
Is it possible to reconcile the two systems? For if we can achieve the tuning of the mind while reducing as much as possible the wastage of human resources, we might just have a near-perfect education system.
Like that will ever happen.
Sorry, the cynic just woke up. You know how cynical people are. Always ready to put down any idea.
Great, I just realised how scholarish (aka boring) my earlier discourse was. I humbly apologise for causing any inconvenience....
....you didn't actually believe me did you? :P
The apology I mean. Why should I be apologising for me boring people on my blog. See, it's MY blog. I write to satisfy my own urge to write. Which, sadly, remains constantly unsatisfied. But that's a problem we shall discuss another time.
Do I sound self-centered or egocentric? I think I probably do. It's been a characteristic of mine since I was very young. Well, relatively young. My inflated ego stems from the fact that I was used to easy success at a young age. Of course, that diminished when I grew up, but that's beside the point. My ego is still sizeable, but I have weak self-esteem....
Isn't that odd?
It's a bit contradictory when you think about it. How can a large ego co-exist with low self-esteem? That's impossible right?
Actually, the way it works for me probably is like this. I have a very high opinion of myself. If I didn't know better, I would think that the world revolves around me. Lol.
Unfortunately, I am also easily deflated, which means that I think that people don't care about me. So in a sense, I feel injustice that nobody recognises me for my talent (the ego), and I'm greatly depressed by that fact, which might actually be the cause of my low self-esteem.
Great, now I'm resorting to psycho-analysing myself. What the heck am I doing???
Doing what I always do in the shower, it seems. I think a lot when I'm in the shower. I like thinking in the shower actually. It's easier to focus and rationalise when I'm in there.
I just burped and I caught a distinct taste of chicken in my breath. Hmm. Must be the fact that I had chicken chop for lunch earlier.
Am I blogging randomly? Yes. Do I care if I'm doing nothing productive at the moment? No.
^________________^
Alright the smiley was unnecessary. Heh.
K k, what am I doing at the moment?
I'm at the WoM boards. I'm on Zeal. And I'm here. That's about it.
And that's multi-tasking for you.
Ok now I'm at a loss for words. I have...gasp...nothing to say! The horror!
Well...if all goes to naught...I still have BoA to rant about... *evil smile creeps up*
*hears readers exclaim: NOT AGAIN!!!!!*
Ok, since I'm feeling so saintly today (haha some saint I am), I shall spare all and sundry from my obsessive worship session of BoA. Aren't you grateful? XD
*hears a vast sigh of relief, followed by mutinous mutters*
Heh. My ego is a vast open sore. Bwahhaha.
Right, now that I have nothing more to discuss, I shall bow out politely.
*bows and lights fade out*
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Pretty ending to the last post. I like.
I'm on a blog spree. Kind of. Just filling in the gaps until Dad comes.
I bash myself up constantly in this blog. We all know that. It's legally correct: they can't sue me because I don't defame others. Defaming myself means the only person who could sue me is myself. At least that's how I think it works.
Gah....stupid lawyers!
Ok that was a random thing.
But why is it necessary to bitch about other people? I never found it extraordinarily exciting to bitch about people on a blog. Bitching verbally is faster and more fun. Besides there's no evidence unless someone recorded the conversation, which rarely happens.
Recently of course, there was a slew of students from my school who inadvertently or not, defamed some people or put down the the school in their blogs. And they were caught. Which means there was hell to pay. Duh.
Sometimes I wonder. Do they actually spend so much time checking out the students' blogs? Is it so entertaining? Do they have nothing better to do? How do they pick which blog to read anyway?
Interestingly, I wonder what would happen if someone high up in the school hierarchy read my blog. I can only say this:
TAG MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
Err lol.
Anyway I'd better get this post up cos this computer automatically shuts down at 5pm, which is in 2 minutes. So...ta ta!!!
]
I'm on a blog spree. Kind of. Just filling in the gaps until Dad comes.
I bash myself up constantly in this blog. We all know that. It's legally correct: they can't sue me because I don't defame others. Defaming myself means the only person who could sue me is myself. At least that's how I think it works.
Gah....stupid lawyers!
Ok that was a random thing.
But why is it necessary to bitch about other people? I never found it extraordinarily exciting to bitch about people on a blog. Bitching verbally is faster and more fun. Besides there's no evidence unless someone recorded the conversation, which rarely happens.
Recently of course, there was a slew of students from my school who inadvertently or not, defamed some people or put down the the school in their blogs. And they were caught. Which means there was hell to pay. Duh.
Sometimes I wonder. Do they actually spend so much time checking out the students' blogs? Is it so entertaining? Do they have nothing better to do? How do they pick which blog to read anyway?
Interestingly, I wonder what would happen if someone high up in the school hierarchy read my blog. I can only say this:
TAG MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
Err lol.
Anyway I'd better get this post up cos this computer automatically shuts down at 5pm, which is in 2 minutes. So...ta ta!!!
Is it so hard to feel?
I really really wonder.
I'm not happy now. Nor sad. I'm not angry. I'm also not calm...well depends on your point-of-view.
I don't even feel remotely guilty, which might worry some people.
I'm empty.
That's how it feels. Like there's a hole in your soul that can't be taken away.
Having skipped Chinese just now and was just caught by my teacher, who told me that he was disappointed with me and what-not, I felt at first some shame at being caught...
...then nothing.
Seriously. It's like a disease. The wall around my heart just came up with a snap of my fingers. Just that easily.
I'm used to not feeling. It's easier than being in despair. Despairing is painful. Crying is worse. Angry is just plain exhausting. Being happy is exhausting too, when you think about it.
Apathy is a nice shield sometimes. It cuts you off from all of those troublesome emotions and lets you take a long view of things.
In my case, I use apathy to prevent myself and others from hurting me. It's a simple device.
I stopped feeling guilty about other people a long time ago. The sole exception is my father. He's the only one that makes me feel guilty. Well, sort of. Most of the time I just feel exasperated. It's becoming a habit.
Well. Now. What. Was. I. Going. To. Say.
Evil short-term memory. It adds a whole new dimension to my life.
I found out I might be hypochondriac, which basically means I keep thinking that I have some sort of illness somewhere. Kind of like the giraffe from Madagascar, as Grace so kindly pointed out.
Am I overdramatising? Probably. I overdramatise a lot. This is MY blog after all.
Pain wakes us up. It helps me to feel again. I love to watch them bleed. Don't you?
I think I'm gonna die. If I don't die of some disease, I might just go kill myself.
After all, they don't need me anymore than I need them.
If I do contemplate suicide though, I refuse to jump off a building. Why? Because everyone else does it. It's so terribly unoriginal.
I won't drown myself, cos I know how to swim.
I already tried overdosing on pills. Somehow I survived that encounter, so I'll skip it the next time.
Slit my wrists? Interesting notion. Unoriginal, definitely, but I do like blood after all.
Give myself a concussion? I could do that. I'm already practicising banging my head against a wall at home. I just have to bang harder...
Or alternatively, I could hang myself. Nah. I'm too tall anyway. Plus, the corpse after the whole ordeal looks hideous. Same with drowning. Absolutely macabre...not that I dislike that.
I could poison myself. The house is full of toxic agents when you come right down to it.
I'm fond of hypothermic death though. Only problem: how to find a place cold enough to stay in long enough until you die? The library? (lol) Dad's freezer truck? Hmm...
I'm just kidding of course. Really. Don't you believe me? Wait, if I don't even believe in myself, how can I believe in others? And how can others believe in me? Always a pain in the neck.
We see the best and brightest fall, and we do not care.
I see my past, present and future dying, and I do not care.
They see me seemingly carefree and happy; they do not know what lies beneath. I do not care.
I see myself fading, and I don't even try anymore.
The sun is setting, casting a brilliant orange glow to the vistas. It is beautiful. I don't give a damn.
The skies are weeping. Heaven sends its blessings down to the wounded earth. And I stand alone in that land. Who cares anymore?
It is cold. I cry out like one hopelessly damned.
No one hears me.
Like I care.
]
I really really wonder.
I'm not happy now. Nor sad. I'm not angry. I'm also not calm...well depends on your point-of-view.
I don't even feel remotely guilty, which might worry some people.
I'm empty.
That's how it feels. Like there's a hole in your soul that can't be taken away.
Having skipped Chinese just now and was just caught by my teacher, who told me that he was disappointed with me and what-not, I felt at first some shame at being caught...
...then nothing.
Seriously. It's like a disease. The wall around my heart just came up with a snap of my fingers. Just that easily.
I'm used to not feeling. It's easier than being in despair. Despairing is painful. Crying is worse. Angry is just plain exhausting. Being happy is exhausting too, when you think about it.
Apathy is a nice shield sometimes. It cuts you off from all of those troublesome emotions and lets you take a long view of things.
In my case, I use apathy to prevent myself and others from hurting me. It's a simple device.
I stopped feeling guilty about other people a long time ago. The sole exception is my father. He's the only one that makes me feel guilty. Well, sort of. Most of the time I just feel exasperated. It's becoming a habit.
Well. Now. What. Was. I. Going. To. Say.
Evil short-term memory. It adds a whole new dimension to my life.
I found out I might be hypochondriac, which basically means I keep thinking that I have some sort of illness somewhere. Kind of like the giraffe from Madagascar, as Grace so kindly pointed out.
Am I overdramatising? Probably. I overdramatise a lot. This is MY blog after all.
Pain wakes us up. It helps me to feel again. I love to watch them bleed. Don't you?
I think I'm gonna die. If I don't die of some disease, I might just go kill myself.
After all, they don't need me anymore than I need them.
If I do contemplate suicide though, I refuse to jump off a building. Why? Because everyone else does it. It's so terribly unoriginal.
I won't drown myself, cos I know how to swim.
I already tried overdosing on pills. Somehow I survived that encounter, so I'll skip it the next time.
Slit my wrists? Interesting notion. Unoriginal, definitely, but I do like blood after all.
Give myself a concussion? I could do that. I'm already practicising banging my head against a wall at home. I just have to bang harder...
Or alternatively, I could hang myself. Nah. I'm too tall anyway. Plus, the corpse after the whole ordeal looks hideous. Same with drowning. Absolutely macabre...not that I dislike that.
I could poison myself. The house is full of toxic agents when you come right down to it.
I'm fond of hypothermic death though. Only problem: how to find a place cold enough to stay in long enough until you die? The library? (lol) Dad's freezer truck? Hmm...
I'm just kidding of course. Really. Don't you believe me? Wait, if I don't even believe in myself, how can I believe in others? And how can others believe in me? Always a pain in the neck.
We see the best and brightest fall, and we do not care.
I see my past, present and future dying, and I do not care.
They see me seemingly carefree and happy; they do not know what lies beneath. I do not care.
I see myself fading, and I don't even try anymore.
The sun is setting, casting a brilliant orange glow to the vistas. It is beautiful. I don't give a damn.
The skies are weeping. Heaven sends its blessings down to the wounded earth. And I stand alone in that land. Who cares anymore?
It is cold. I cry out like one hopelessly damned.
No one hears me.
Like I care.
Child of Darkness
Born in Conflict,
The Hellhound rises
Gnashing teeth on broken lips.
Cloaked in Shadow,
The Demon wakens
Claws sinking in bloodstained dirt.
Sunk in Despair,
The Accursed howls
Breaking the silence of soundless void.
Rising from Ashes,
The Phoenix wails
Chill and mournful, dirge of the ages.
Life to Death
And back again
Endless cycle roll and roil.
Child of Darkness
Hear my plea:
Save me from this lunacy.
Well considering I did that in under 20 minutes, it's passable. But I would hardly publish it anywhere else. It lacks the emotionality of my previous works. Oh well.
]
Born in Conflict,
The Hellhound rises
Gnashing teeth on broken lips.
Cloaked in Shadow,
The Demon wakens
Claws sinking in bloodstained dirt.
Sunk in Despair,
The Accursed howls
Breaking the silence of soundless void.
Rising from Ashes,
The Phoenix wails
Chill and mournful, dirge of the ages.
Life to Death
And back again
Endless cycle roll and roil.
Child of Darkness
Hear my plea:
Save me from this lunacy.
Well considering I did that in under 20 minutes, it's passable. But I would hardly publish it anywhere else. It lacks the emotionality of my previous works. Oh well.
I am completely in awe of pu-sama.
Who is pu-sama? An artist at the Deviant Art gallery. She draws WONDERFULLY.
Some people have all the talent...
I'm torn between feeling utter jealousy, complete admiration, and awe. Pu-sama is good, no doubt about it. She's so good its scary.
But enough of feeling sorry for myself. Maybe I should go write something. I'm in the mood...kind of.
Incidentally I rewrote the chorus of BoA's My Prayer on a desk in one of the classrooms during Literature lesson. That was on Monday.
I wonder if anybody would appreciate it? Lol.
Anyway I shall go brood about thnigs and see if I can't come up with something.
]
Who is pu-sama? An artist at the Deviant Art gallery. She draws WONDERFULLY.
Some people have all the talent...
I'm torn between feeling utter jealousy, complete admiration, and awe. Pu-sama is good, no doubt about it. She's so good its scary.
But enough of feeling sorry for myself. Maybe I should go write something. I'm in the mood...kind of.
Incidentally I rewrote the chorus of BoA's My Prayer on a desk in one of the classrooms during Literature lesson. That was on Monday.
I wonder if anybody would appreciate it? Lol.
Anyway I shall go brood about thnigs and see if I can't come up with something.
Hi! I haven't posted for a while, but I hope people haven't forgotten this blog.
Oh right, just now, Grace and I were in the Careers room, which was a HUGE mistake in some quarters. I mean, it was highly depressing. Seriously.
Look at it this way. I could only find like, 3 or 4 potential careers for myself. Things like Reporter, Sub-Editor, Research Writer, etc. Things that I already knew I could do. Lol.
When I realised the true limits of the kind of things I could potentially do as a job for the future, I wasn't too depressed...yet. Because seriously, these are the kind of careers that interest me in the first place. It wasn't too bad.
What really injured me was the whole scholarship thing. To be honest, I'm not stupid. I mean literally. I'm actually quite intelligent...or so everyone tells me. I have the potential to be a straight-A student. You'll note that I said 'potential'. Unfortunately, I don't seem to be hitting the mark. You can probably say that I'm too unmotivated to do so. Why I'm like that, I don't know.
Ok maybe I'm lying about that. I have a slight inkling why I'm the way I am. But so what? It's not changing anything.
Anyway, getting over the whole scholarship-depressing-me thing. There was one scholarship I could apply for. That was the one where I had to go to a Japanese university. Which means I have to spend a year picking up Japanese. Which I don't really mind, since I've always wanted to in the first place. Besides, being in Japan means that I'm closer to BoA. Lol. Ignore that.
Anyway, I'm feeling a little lost and everything. I think I'm going to be a total failure in life. What can I possible do when I graduate??? It's so frustrating sometimes.
Well, let's get over that shall we?
Incidentally, on our way out of the Careers room, we chanced by a poster with the DISC personality indicator thingy. I'm a C!! Seriously. All the indicators are practically pointing at me. It's eerie. Haha.
Anyway, I'm running out of time cos it's almost Literature now. Time to go! Cya ppl! Til next time...
]
Oh right, just now, Grace and I were in the Careers room, which was a HUGE mistake in some quarters. I mean, it was highly depressing. Seriously.
Look at it this way. I could only find like, 3 or 4 potential careers for myself. Things like Reporter, Sub-Editor, Research Writer, etc. Things that I already knew I could do. Lol.
When I realised the true limits of the kind of things I could potentially do as a job for the future, I wasn't too depressed...yet. Because seriously, these are the kind of careers that interest me in the first place. It wasn't too bad.
What really injured me was the whole scholarship thing. To be honest, I'm not stupid. I mean literally. I'm actually quite intelligent...or so everyone tells me. I have the potential to be a straight-A student. You'll note that I said 'potential'. Unfortunately, I don't seem to be hitting the mark. You can probably say that I'm too unmotivated to do so. Why I'm like that, I don't know.
Ok maybe I'm lying about that. I have a slight inkling why I'm the way I am. But so what? It's not changing anything.
Anyway, getting over the whole scholarship-depressing-me thing. There was one scholarship I could apply for. That was the one where I had to go to a Japanese university. Which means I have to spend a year picking up Japanese. Which I don't really mind, since I've always wanted to in the first place. Besides, being in Japan means that I'm closer to BoA. Lol. Ignore that.
Anyway, I'm feeling a little lost and everything. I think I'm going to be a total failure in life. What can I possible do when I graduate??? It's so frustrating sometimes.
Well, let's get over that shall we?
Incidentally, on our way out of the Careers room, we chanced by a poster with the DISC personality indicator thingy. I'm a C!! Seriously. All the indicators are practically pointing at me. It's eerie. Haha.
Anyway, I'm running out of time cos it's almost Literature now. Time to go! Cya ppl! Til next time...
Friday, August 05, 2005
Haha in the library now----obviously.
OH OH OH!!! On Wednesday I bought BoA's Best of Soul arena tour DVD!!! So cooooool!! BoA is soooooooooooo hot!!!
GRACE!!! STOP SPAMMING MY TAG BOARD!!!
Nothing better to do lah, she. *glares* Sitting next to me somemore.
Haha my tag board says she's too wordy. XP
Ok back to BoA. ^____^
Anyway BoA was wearing boots throughout the entire concert! Just in different colors! XD
And continuing with random observations, she looks funny in a fringe! She is a very cap person though. Wearing caps flatter her. She should do it more often. Besides, it covers up the weird-looking fringe hehe.
GRACE!!! STOP IT AT ONCE!!! *froths at mouth*
Ok good, she's stopping.....for now. >___<
Back to BoA then. ^___^ Strange how thinking about BoA makes me feel happy and contented. XD
Grace is at it again. >___<
BACK to BoA again. She didn't cry at the end of the concert this time. Well not for the Osaka performance they recorded. I think she cried at the one where she hurt her leg and had to perform in pain....it was soooooooo sad....seeing her tears flow out while singing Meri Kuri.....hearing her gasp in pain and not being able to sing properly..... my heart bleeds for her..... *sob*
Grace is blogging next to me now and she's making up words as she goes. ABUSE OF ENGLISH LANGUAGE!!! GET HER!!! *points language Nazis in Grace's direction* XD
Anyway, getting back to BoA now. Again. Yes I know I'm being very distracted teehee.
But anyway, I swear BoA reused some of what she says in previous concerts. Seriously. Ya, I know I memorised the contents of those concerts. So? Got problem izzit? XP
Ya anyway, BoA is being TOTALLY hot. Like the red dominatrix-looking outfit she wore for Double. Damn droolworthy lah! Too bad she only wore it for that one song.....
And oh! They revamped the sequence for Rock With You. They made the dance segments SUPER SUGGESTIVE. I'm serious. My jaw was hanging to the floor when I saw it. Haha. I was always of the opinion that Rock With You was a "performance" song, as opposed to a "dance" song, where the only way to do it justice is that you have to dance to it. Hehe.
But since Rock With You was a performance song, it gave BoA lotsa chance to pose and do all sorts of things while she's singing. Not that i'm complaining. It's a wonderful way to spend the time. XD
Oh ya, then at one point when one of her male dancers was pretending to run his hands down her thigh (I know I know...), I was like TOUCH HER AND YOU DIE!!!! Of course he wasn't actually laying his hands on her, there was a certain amount of distance between his hands and her leg. Good for him, if not he'll be missing those hands when he woke up the next morning...
Which brings me to my next point. BoA was wearing teeny tiny little shorts throughout the concert. Yes, she changes costumes, but almost all the costumes had mini-shorts. The only exception is when she's wearing a dress. Lolz.
Not that I'm complaining about it though. I get to stare at her legs, which is a plus point. The only problem: it's way too distracting. Seriously. I keep getting my eyes drawn to her legs. Usually I just stare at her face. Lol.
Oh yes, the performance for Meri Kuri made her look oh-so-innocent......which totally contrasted with the highly suggestive performance for Quincy just 2 songs before. Btw, I loved Meri Kuri, she looks positively angelic. That's my BoA for you. ^___^
Oh ya, if the red outfit was dominatrix-looking, then her outfit right after that made her look like a biker chick with dominatrix all rolled into one. Kinda like Max from Dark Angel, except in a very BoA sort of way.
Don't even try to understand my last comment. Only true fanatics will appreciate what I have just said. ^__^
The downside of the thing was that they never even thought of revamping the Valenti and No.1 performances. It was exactly identical to the Love and Honesty tour one in 2004. Seriously. They put No.1 after Valenti, and then there was the streamers during No.1, and BoA said almost exactly the same thing to work the crowd during Valenti. It's practically cut-and-paste, except with different outfits...wait...even the outfits were similar. They were both shiny. >___<
Oh ya, BoA spent a lot more time talking to the audience. She looks so damn kawaii!!! i was going awwwwwwwwwwwwwww all the time and squealing in delight. Everytime.
I know, for some people, the idea of me squealing in delight is somehow shocking. Don't worry. if you want to see it, I can demonstrate. XD
Oh no, Grace is back to spam my tag board. Sigh...
Ok I think i'm going into a very pointless rant here. I like ranting about BoA, but I'm not sure if anybody enjoys them cos its kinda frivolous and everything...yeah...I know...but who cares? XD
Lalalala....I shall go play Maple Story now, Erika's nagging me to join her teehee.
One last note. BoA is GREAT at working the crowd now. She flirts with the audience so much that I ended up having a catharisis after the whole thing. I went like "she winked at me! ME!!" or "OMG she did NOT just do that".
Lol ya I better go now....
]
OH OH OH!!! On Wednesday I bought BoA's Best of Soul arena tour DVD!!! So cooooool!! BoA is soooooooooooo hot!!!
GRACE!!! STOP SPAMMING MY TAG BOARD!!!
Nothing better to do lah, she. *glares* Sitting next to me somemore.
Haha my tag board says she's too wordy. XP
Ok back to BoA. ^____^
Anyway BoA was wearing boots throughout the entire concert! Just in different colors! XD
And continuing with random observations, she looks funny in a fringe! She is a very cap person though. Wearing caps flatter her. She should do it more often. Besides, it covers up the weird-looking fringe hehe.
GRACE!!! STOP IT AT ONCE!!! *froths at mouth*
Ok good, she's stopping.....for now. >___<
Back to BoA then. ^___^ Strange how thinking about BoA makes me feel happy and contented. XD
Grace is at it again. >___<
BACK to BoA again. She didn't cry at the end of the concert this time. Well not for the Osaka performance they recorded. I think she cried at the one where she hurt her leg and had to perform in pain....it was soooooooo sad....seeing her tears flow out while singing Meri Kuri.....hearing her gasp in pain and not being able to sing properly..... my heart bleeds for her..... *sob*
Grace is blogging next to me now and she's making up words as she goes. ABUSE OF ENGLISH LANGUAGE!!! GET HER!!! *points language Nazis in Grace's direction* XD
Anyway, getting back to BoA now. Again. Yes I know I'm being very distracted teehee.
But anyway, I swear BoA reused some of what she says in previous concerts. Seriously. Ya, I know I memorised the contents of those concerts. So? Got problem izzit? XP
Ya anyway, BoA is being TOTALLY hot. Like the red dominatrix-looking outfit she wore for Double. Damn droolworthy lah! Too bad she only wore it for that one song.....
And oh! They revamped the sequence for Rock With You. They made the dance segments SUPER SUGGESTIVE. I'm serious. My jaw was hanging to the floor when I saw it. Haha. I was always of the opinion that Rock With You was a "performance" song, as opposed to a "dance" song, where the only way to do it justice is that you have to dance to it. Hehe.
But since Rock With You was a performance song, it gave BoA lotsa chance to pose and do all sorts of things while she's singing. Not that i'm complaining. It's a wonderful way to spend the time. XD
Oh ya, then at one point when one of her male dancers was pretending to run his hands down her thigh (I know I know...), I was like TOUCH HER AND YOU DIE!!!! Of course he wasn't actually laying his hands on her, there was a certain amount of distance between his hands and her leg. Good for him, if not he'll be missing those hands when he woke up the next morning...
Which brings me to my next point. BoA was wearing teeny tiny little shorts throughout the concert. Yes, she changes costumes, but almost all the costumes had mini-shorts. The only exception is when she's wearing a dress. Lolz.
Not that I'm complaining about it though. I get to stare at her legs, which is a plus point. The only problem: it's way too distracting. Seriously. I keep getting my eyes drawn to her legs. Usually I just stare at her face. Lol.
Oh yes, the performance for Meri Kuri made her look oh-so-innocent......which totally contrasted with the highly suggestive performance for Quincy just 2 songs before. Btw, I loved Meri Kuri, she looks positively angelic. That's my BoA for you. ^___^
Oh ya, if the red outfit was dominatrix-looking, then her outfit right after that made her look like a biker chick with dominatrix all rolled into one. Kinda like Max from Dark Angel, except in a very BoA sort of way.
Don't even try to understand my last comment. Only true fanatics will appreciate what I have just said. ^__^
The downside of the thing was that they never even thought of revamping the Valenti and No.1 performances. It was exactly identical to the Love and Honesty tour one in 2004. Seriously. They put No.1 after Valenti, and then there was the streamers during No.1, and BoA said almost exactly the same thing to work the crowd during Valenti. It's practically cut-and-paste, except with different outfits...wait...even the outfits were similar. They were both shiny. >___<
Oh ya, BoA spent a lot more time talking to the audience. She looks so damn kawaii!!! i was going awwwwwwwwwwwwwww all the time and squealing in delight. Everytime.
I know, for some people, the idea of me squealing in delight is somehow shocking. Don't worry. if you want to see it, I can demonstrate. XD
Oh no, Grace is back to spam my tag board. Sigh...
Ok I think i'm going into a very pointless rant here. I like ranting about BoA, but I'm not sure if anybody enjoys them cos its kinda frivolous and everything...yeah...I know...but who cares? XD
Lalalala....I shall go play Maple Story now, Erika's nagging me to join her teehee.
One last note. BoA is GREAT at working the crowd now. She flirts with the audience so much that I ended up having a catharisis after the whole thing. I went like "she winked at me! ME!!" or "OMG she did NOT just do that".
Lol ya I better go now....
