Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Was thinking about suicide.
No, I wasn't going to commit suicide stupid, I was thinking of it as a topic.
Actually I was thinking more of the depression aspect. Sinking into darkness, an endless pit.
I have got to stop the goth-poet thing right about now.
You know, a thought occured to me while I was watching Pretear last night (or this morning if you want to be picky), and watching Mawata, I felt a sudden pang at how similar we were in character.
"Nobody understands me! Nobody has tried to understand me! We might live in the same house but we aren't family!"
That was what she said. And suddenly an old wound opened. For me.
Like a kindred spirit. We see each other in the darkness.
Mawata lost her father as a child. As a child, she was forced to be strong, to put up a strong front for her mother, who had collapsed emotionally. She had to be strong, so that her mother would not need to worry about her. Sound familiar yet?
In doing so, she internalised all her pain. She cried inwardly, never letting her pain and hurt show. With every smile, she cut a fresh, deep wound into her heart. With every comforting word, she built a wall around herself, brick by brick.
What she needed was a hand, a hand extended in understanding and comfort. All she needed was someone to hold her, let her weep, let all the pain come out. Someone to guide her out of the darkness that surrounded her.
In the end, I don't know what happened to Mawata yet, since I haven't finished the series. I do know she was rescued by Himeno somehow, saved from the grasp of darkness (quite literally).
Great now I have an excellent fic idea floating in my head. You did know that I'm a Kei/Mawata shipper, don't you?
A pity that there are so few of them around. Only two by my last count.
It seems rather perfect actually. Kei, the Knight of Light, would be rather suited to bring Mawata out from her own personal darkness. Never mind that Kei looks way too much like a girl.
Alright, while I listen to Evanescence's Bring Me To Life, I shall go write it and hope it turns out well.
]
No, I wasn't going to commit suicide stupid, I was thinking of it as a topic.
Actually I was thinking more of the depression aspect. Sinking into darkness, an endless pit.
I have got to stop the goth-poet thing right about now.
You know, a thought occured to me while I was watching Pretear last night (or this morning if you want to be picky), and watching Mawata, I felt a sudden pang at how similar we were in character.
"Nobody understands me! Nobody has tried to understand me! We might live in the same house but we aren't family!"
That was what she said. And suddenly an old wound opened. For me.
Like a kindred spirit. We see each other in the darkness.
Mawata lost her father as a child. As a child, she was forced to be strong, to put up a strong front for her mother, who had collapsed emotionally. She had to be strong, so that her mother would not need to worry about her. Sound familiar yet?
In doing so, she internalised all her pain. She cried inwardly, never letting her pain and hurt show. With every smile, she cut a fresh, deep wound into her heart. With every comforting word, she built a wall around herself, brick by brick.
What she needed was a hand, a hand extended in understanding and comfort. All she needed was someone to hold her, let her weep, let all the pain come out. Someone to guide her out of the darkness that surrounded her.
In the end, I don't know what happened to Mawata yet, since I haven't finished the series. I do know she was rescued by Himeno somehow, saved from the grasp of darkness (quite literally).
Great now I have an excellent fic idea floating in my head. You did know that I'm a Kei/Mawata shipper, don't you?
A pity that there are so few of them around. Only two by my last count.
It seems rather perfect actually. Kei, the Knight of Light, would be rather suited to bring Mawata out from her own personal darkness. Never mind that Kei looks way too much like a girl.
Alright, while I listen to Evanescence's Bring Me To Life, I shall go write it and hope it turns out well.
Comments:
Post a Comment
