Aeternus, Eternus

I'm back.

Day before Christmas, with nothing whatsoever in mind.

What is the spirit of Christmas? The spirit of giving? Is it really?

God gave up his only Son for us. Is that what it really means?

Or is it some crass commercialization tactic to get people to spend, spend and spend more?

If it isn't the latter option to begin with, well it certainly has evolved to be that way now.

The glitter of Christmas is the glitter of flashing lights drawing potential customers to the stores. The true meaning of the season seems to have been lost.

Personally, that doesn't concern me that much. As a rule, my Christmases after my mom's death have been universally bleak. Save last year, when I spent it over at Erika's place...or was it the year before...?

I don't remember anymore.

But even then, even while spending it with company, I felt...sad? Melancholy? It was as if the joy that permeated the room failed to reach me.

There seemed to be something missing. There always was something missing.

I spent a goodly amount of time searching for what I was missing. Sometimes I thought I'd found it, only to find that it was just a stop-gap solution.

What am I missing? I'm not sure. Just something wasn't there. Like an empty hole, desperate for something to fill it in. But I can't seem to find it.

Was it love? I don't think so. There are times when I felt the warmth of family love, but while it was comforting, I felt that there had to be something more.

I spent half my life searching for a purpose. What am I here for? Why am I here? What am I supposed to do?

Some believe God is the answer. God, the Almighty, he has all the answers. Why were we here? Because God made us. What are we here for? To serve God's purpose---whatever that may be, it was beyond human comprehension (that's what they tell us). What are we supposed to do? Obey God, naturally. Everything would work out if you obeyed God.

Easy to say, hard to do. Some decisions in life aren't made with a snap of the fingers.

I keep inadvertently pointing out flaws in religious thought. Certainly, some of it makes complete sense. Some don't. Blind faith doesn't help anybody---it fools the senses into thinking everything will turn out fine.

Personally, I think that's the worst form of fatalism. (If you can see the reference I'll give you a cookie)

Someone once said, if there were no religion, there would be no wars. I'd like to give that quote a modification.

If there were no religion, there would be less wars.

Before you violently object, hear these examples. Think of the Crusades. Heck, even the Holocaust had some religious roots. Protestant-Catholic conflicts in North Ireland. Even the more current brand of Islamic terrorism. No offense to regular Muslims.

Extremism comes in many forms. A lot of times, it can lead to conflict or even war. Religious extremism is one of the worse kinds. I mean, a extremist is already firmly entrenched in the more deviant sides of human beliefs and thoughts. A religious extremist, however, has the added effect of believing that their beliefs have been sanctioned by their God or tenets of their religion. Its like adding fuel to a fire. And it makes it harder to change their minds.

I'm most definitely not an extremist. I came close to being one, but I managed to edge past the chasm.

No, I'm not going to tell you what about.

What I can tell you though, is that depression can lead to the hardening of one's heart, to the point that all it wishes to do is to hurt those who have hurt it.

Now that's a very scary pit of quicksand. Trust me, you don't want to try it. Not only does it hurt like a bitch, it hurts the people around you too...

...although at that point you'll probably be enjoying their pain.

I'm serious. So don't do it.

Alright. I don't feel like extemporising anymore. So I'll stop short here.

To everyone who have good Christmases, Happy Christmas.

To those who don't, well, know that you're not alone.