Sunday, January 22, 2006
Decided to pop by here.
Had a disgusting time writing in that journal thing for Moral Ed.
I wrote 4 pages. Wonderful. Freaking wonderful.
Read Grace's blog. Meh. I'm bad at comforting people. Because I don't know what to say.
Because I also know that platitudes don't work.
The words "oh, cheer up!" doesn't work. Telling someone to buck up doesn't really work unless the person wants it to and has made up their mind to. Otherwise it's a waste of time.
I feel like a wreck. What am I thinking? Writing all that stuff down in the journal...exposing myself...makes me sick.
Makes me want to slam my fist into the wall again. And again. And again.
Nobody is happy forever. I told that to Chengwei. Nobody can be happy forever simply because nobody's life is perfect. And perfection is a subjective term too.
When I act all goofy and happy-go-lucky in school, does it means I'm always like that? Pah. Just a side. I do the look-into-the-sky routine way too often. And my leave-me-alone vibe is strong.
Am I making sense? Not really. It's slightly incoherent. I want to check myself into IMH for a while. I need counselling. Or someone to rant to. I don't want to inflict my insanity on my friends. They have their own problems. They don't need mine.
I'm beginning to retreat into my fortress mentality again. And coming at this time, its bad news. Very bad news. I'm gonna self-destruct again. Again. F****** AGAIN.
I just love my life, don't you?
Stupid stupid stupid.
I need to throw up. That horrid feeling of desolation. Dread. Hatred. Helplessness.
A potent mix. Ready for combustion.
I can just see this little timer waiting to go off. Ticking down...just like before. Again and again.
I wonder if I'm going to survive this one.
My luck has to run out sometime.
It would really suck to die before my 18th birthday. Or before Resident Evil: Afterlife comes out. Or before the Harry Potter movie series are finished.
My priorities are screwed up.
I so knew that already.
Welcome to my life.
Well let's see if I make it past my 20th birthday. That's two more years. Can you stay here this long with me?
Didn't think so. But we'll see. Time will tell. It always does.
I'll be watching. And so will you.
Peace.
]
Had a disgusting time writing in that journal thing for Moral Ed.
I wrote 4 pages. Wonderful. Freaking wonderful.
Read Grace's blog. Meh. I'm bad at comforting people. Because I don't know what to say.
Because I also know that platitudes don't work.
The words "oh, cheer up!" doesn't work. Telling someone to buck up doesn't really work unless the person wants it to and has made up their mind to. Otherwise it's a waste of time.
I feel like a wreck. What am I thinking? Writing all that stuff down in the journal...exposing myself...makes me sick.
Makes me want to slam my fist into the wall again. And again. And again.
Nobody is happy forever. I told that to Chengwei. Nobody can be happy forever simply because nobody's life is perfect. And perfection is a subjective term too.
When I act all goofy and happy-go-lucky in school, does it means I'm always like that? Pah. Just a side. I do the look-into-the-sky routine way too often. And my leave-me-alone vibe is strong.
Am I making sense? Not really. It's slightly incoherent. I want to check myself into IMH for a while. I need counselling. Or someone to rant to. I don't want to inflict my insanity on my friends. They have their own problems. They don't need mine.
I'm beginning to retreat into my fortress mentality again. And coming at this time, its bad news. Very bad news. I'm gonna self-destruct again. Again. F****** AGAIN.
I just love my life, don't you?
Stupid stupid stupid.
I need to throw up. That horrid feeling of desolation. Dread. Hatred. Helplessness.
A potent mix. Ready for combustion.
I can just see this little timer waiting to go off. Ticking down...just like before. Again and again.
I wonder if I'm going to survive this one.
My luck has to run out sometime.
It would really suck to die before my 18th birthday. Or before Resident Evil: Afterlife comes out. Or before the Harry Potter movie series are finished.
My priorities are screwed up.
I so knew that already.
Welcome to my life.
Well let's see if I make it past my 20th birthday. That's two more years. Can you stay here this long with me?
Didn't think so. But we'll see. Time will tell. It always does.
I'll be watching. And so will you.
Peace.
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