Friday, January 06, 2006
Today was a truly crappy day.
First I wake up with a heart-splitting pain in my chest (ha ha), then I find that I'm the most idiotic person in the world.
And about the pun above, that was inevitable.
Why am I the most idiotic person in the world?
Because, even when KNOWING that agitation/stress/depression makes my chest pains flare up, I just had to activate it by feeling all 3 of those emotions when I woke up from my prolonged nightmare.
What nightmare? No not a nightmare. It was just that I couldn't FREAKING SLEEP for 5 hours, is all. Nothing to it, nothing at all.
As for depression...its complicated. I'm not sure if I could explain it...
Stress, well. Crap, my chest...starting to hurt again.
I really hate being a J2.
More to it, I really hate growing up. God it hurts. I hate it when my chest hurts.
Sometimes it feels so easy to just give it all up.
But it won't let me. It isn't done with me, not by a long shot.
Well, who's it? What's it?
My Demon. My Friend. My Lover.
Shit.
If falling in love with your captor is called the Stockholm Syndrome, I wonder what they would call falling in love with an imaginary alter ego whose depths of perversity and sadism are by no means normal.
Yes. It's him. Her. It. Whatever. It doesn't matter. Gender doesn't matter for It.
Some like to think that inspiration is divine. In my case, it's anything but divine.
More like demonic really.
.......it hurts......
Taking a walk inside my mind is a very bad idea. If you don't go mad, you'll inevitably be corrupted.
Or you might meet It. Which is probably worse than the above 2 options.
Captive. Who is master? I don't know.
I honestly don't.
Did I make It? If I did, what exactly happened to make It so...deadly?
We all have our little voices in the head.
Mine just happens to be more independent than the usual kinds.
To be honest with it, It isn't such a bad companion sometimes. We talk, argue, have funny rhetorical sessions, and sometimes we have a little fun together.
It knows all my secret little fantasies and dreams. It's awfully embarassing, but I'd admit that sometimes it's not that bad. Except when It starts taunting me about my sexuality.
I'M NOT ASEXUAL YOU IDIOT!!!
....never mind that.
Just had to get it out of my system. God he is so annoying...
He? Yeah well mostly It takes on a male persona. Not surprising, It is such a pervert. But since I made him, does that mean I'm secretly one too? Ha.
It's not funny.
I wonder why I like yuri pairings so much? Actually I don't mind yaoi either, the pairing just has to make sense. Like Kantarou/Haruka in Tactics. Or even Dextera/Sinistra in Kiddy Grade. And you won't believe this if I told you...
Wanna guess what was the FIRST EVER yaoi fic I ever read? I betcha no one can guess.
Nobody has an answer yet? I didn't think so.
And you shut up. (Sorry not to the readers, It's being annoying again)
Well. *deep breath*
It's Xander/Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
*pauses as screams are heard bouncing around the Net*
It was a mistake! An accident! I swear it!
But it was fun...sorta.
Ok enough of my dirty little secrets. I don't think I should reveal anymore stuff like these.
I know I'm totally off-point by now, and I don't care. It doesn't care either.
Sometimes I really wanna kiss him. He's my worst tormentor, and I want to beat him up, then probably kiss him silly.
Oh well.
Yeah I'm wired wrong somehow.
Did I mention I really like Harry/Fleur as a couple?
Dragon's Jewel...
*blanks out*
*snaps back*
Sorry just spacing out. Ignore previous comment. (after the Harry/Fleur thing I mean)
Sigh.
Vivid dreams.
Visions.
Hallucinations.
Being conked on the head with what looks like a cockroach egg.
Blood.
Weird.
It seems...
Never mind.
Crushing. Tearing. Biting.
I don't know anymore.
Send me to heaven and watch me cry. Send me to hell and watch me die.
Choices.
Dragon's Jewel.
It's so pretty.
You're bleeding.
Can I have the heart?
You can have the eyes.
So pretty.
Like a rainbow?
No, you're right.
Pretty falls.
All red and gleaming.
It smells funny though.
Do you know why?
I see.
That's sweet of you.
And guess what?
I love you too.
]
First I wake up with a heart-splitting pain in my chest (ha ha), then I find that I'm the most idiotic person in the world.
And about the pun above, that was inevitable.
Why am I the most idiotic person in the world?
Because, even when KNOWING that agitation/stress/depression makes my chest pains flare up, I just had to activate it by feeling all 3 of those emotions when I woke up from my prolonged nightmare.
What nightmare? No not a nightmare. It was just that I couldn't FREAKING SLEEP for 5 hours, is all. Nothing to it, nothing at all.
As for depression...its complicated. I'm not sure if I could explain it...
Stress, well. Crap, my chest...starting to hurt again.
I really hate being a J2.
More to it, I really hate growing up. God it hurts. I hate it when my chest hurts.
Sometimes it feels so easy to just give it all up.
But it won't let me. It isn't done with me, not by a long shot.
Well, who's it? What's it?
My Demon. My Friend. My Lover.
Shit.
If falling in love with your captor is called the Stockholm Syndrome, I wonder what they would call falling in love with an imaginary alter ego whose depths of perversity and sadism are by no means normal.
Yes. It's him. Her. It. Whatever. It doesn't matter. Gender doesn't matter for It.
Some like to think that inspiration is divine. In my case, it's anything but divine.
More like demonic really.
.......it hurts......
Taking a walk inside my mind is a very bad idea. If you don't go mad, you'll inevitably be corrupted.
Or you might meet It. Which is probably worse than the above 2 options.
Captive. Who is master? I don't know.
I honestly don't.
Did I make It? If I did, what exactly happened to make It so...deadly?
We all have our little voices in the head.
Mine just happens to be more independent than the usual kinds.
To be honest with it, It isn't such a bad companion sometimes. We talk, argue, have funny rhetorical sessions, and sometimes we have a little fun together.
It knows all my secret little fantasies and dreams. It's awfully embarassing, but I'd admit that sometimes it's not that bad. Except when It starts taunting me about my sexuality.
I'M NOT ASEXUAL YOU IDIOT!!!
....never mind that.
Just had to get it out of my system. God he is so annoying...
He? Yeah well mostly It takes on a male persona. Not surprising, It is such a pervert. But since I made him, does that mean I'm secretly one too? Ha.
It's not funny.
I wonder why I like yuri pairings so much? Actually I don't mind yaoi either, the pairing just has to make sense. Like Kantarou/Haruka in Tactics. Or even Dextera/Sinistra in Kiddy Grade. And you won't believe this if I told you...
Wanna guess what was the FIRST EVER yaoi fic I ever read? I betcha no one can guess.
Nobody has an answer yet? I didn't think so.
And you shut up. (Sorry not to the readers, It's being annoying again)
Well. *deep breath*
It's Xander/Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
*pauses as screams are heard bouncing around the Net*
It was a mistake! An accident! I swear it!
But it was fun...sorta.
Ok enough of my dirty little secrets. I don't think I should reveal anymore stuff like these.
I know I'm totally off-point by now, and I don't care. It doesn't care either.
Sometimes I really wanna kiss him. He's my worst tormentor, and I want to beat him up, then probably kiss him silly.
Oh well.
Yeah I'm wired wrong somehow.
Did I mention I really like Harry/Fleur as a couple?
Dragon's Jewel...
*blanks out*
*snaps back*
Sorry just spacing out. Ignore previous comment. (after the Harry/Fleur thing I mean)
Sigh.
Vivid dreams.
Visions.
Hallucinations.
Being conked on the head with what looks like a cockroach egg.
Blood.
Weird.
It seems...
Never mind.
Crushing. Tearing. Biting.
I don't know anymore.
Send me to heaven and watch me cry. Send me to hell and watch me die.
Choices.
Dragon's Jewel.
It's so pretty.
You're bleeding.
Can I have the heart?
You can have the eyes.
So pretty.
Like a rainbow?
No, you're right.
Pretty falls.
All red and gleaming.
It smells funny though.
Do you know why?
I see.
That's sweet of you.
And guess what?
I love you too.
Comments:
Post a Comment
