Aeternus, Eternus

I like your hands.

So Michiru said to Haruka. I wish I had someone to say it to me as sincerely as the aqua goddess did to her sky king.

Haiz. Been writing my own original fiction. It has signs of "epic" written all over it, given the enormous amount of backstory to it, as well as all the potential one-shots spinning off from it.

I can barely bring myself to hurt the Hydras. I think I can probably write a spinoff series on them, cos I love them so much now. Haiz.

But in the name of the plot, I have to hurt my characters. Kinda like what I wrote in my poem Lamentations. It's a tough life being a writer.

I don't deny it anymore. I am a writer. I do not want to become one. I am one. Poetry flows off me like second nature, especially when I'm in a mood. I can even be poetic in Chinese, and that's an accomplishment, considering my command of that language is only at half-mast. Or at least, my idea of half-mast. Standards and all, you see.

Grace mentioned before how I loved the language. English that is. I savour the words like fine wine. I love playing around with language, because I adore how I can weave magic with them.

Yet I concede that words are a paltry medium for communication. Music is far more expressive, and the nature of it is such that it transcends language and time.

Same with visual arts. Language is so pitifully inadequate in comparison.

Yet I love it anyway. Largely because I can't do music or draw/paint very well. If I could, I would paint the pictures in my head with actual colours, not with puny words.

But I have no talent in that area, and have to settle for something less.

Vivid images swirl in my head all the time. Pain, anger and shame. Joy and elation. Darkness and light.

I try and try, but it never goes away. People have asked me how I manage to describe certain things in my story so vividly. That's because it's always there in my head. Because I am there within the recreated mindscapes. I'm there within the scenes, yet not there at the same time.

Being a writer means exposing oneself to a variety of emotions. It leaves us vulnerable. It's the only state of vulnerability that I allow myself to have.

Forget it. Forget it. I don't want to talk about this anymore. What does it matter to everyone? It doesn't. It doesn't. Never mind.


We, who cannot love, yet we do.
We, who should not live, yet we are.
We, who seek to live, yet we can't.
For we are forever bound by the chains of duty.
--Dedicated to the Hydras--

Note from this author: I am so sorry. For I can do nothing. Although you cannot hear me, please forgive....