Saturday, February 11, 2006
Incredible.
Simply f****** incredible.
I cried.
Don't mind her. She's a little...unstable now.
Pain. Pain of rejection. I could never do that well.
Can I?
Hush, you are too hard on yourself.
I'm not good at anything. I can't do well at anything. Always never good enough.
Shhh...
Always reaching for the sky. Never quite touching it.
What am I? Who am I?
Why am I like this?
....you still have me. You always will have me, like it or not.
I hate you.
Too bad. You're stuck with with me.
Angel...no one's my angel.
I am damned forever.
no one to care for me no one to save me we're drowning and no one sees no one cares we're all alone and hurting and nooneknowsnoonecaresithurtssomuchnooneknows
We are all so alone.
.........
What is wrong with me? No one knows.
I don't know either.
wallowing in self pity so weak so useless so helpless pathetic weak useless hopeless weakling fool coward foolish freak unreal crazy freak go away we don't want you you taint us like poison you suck the life out of everyone poison sick twisted evil freak we DON'T WANT YOU around just leave go away uselessfreaknoonewantsyousogoaway...
Poison. You taint me Chaos.
....no. We tainted each other.
Why can't we stop hurting each other?
Because you love the pain.
............................
Because you can't imagine life without it.
................
Because it is a part of YOU.
Stop.
Stop.
Just stop it.
Don't wanna hear it? Too bad. Stop running away my little wolf.
Running? I'm no wolf Chaos.
No. What are you indeed?
I don't know. I don't know what I am.
Am I more or less of a human?
....No....you ARE human. Pity
Pity? That all you can say?
....no. It is all you can say.
Pity. Such pity.
...that you don't need. I know.
You know. They don't. I don't.
We all don't.
Except you.
But even you don't either.
.....perhaps.
What am I doing to myself?
Hurting. You're hurting yourself.
And in the end, no one knows.
They never did believe.
Who would? It's easier not to. You're still the bright girl that everybody sees. That everybody wants to see.
Either that or the surly, unfriendly girl who scowls at visitors.
That too. You're still hurting.
Hurting me. Hurting them.
What does it matter?
Even me?
You know the answer to that.
Yes. Yes I do.
We all have our little secrets don't we, Chaos?
Our skeletons in the closet.
Our dirty linen.
Our secret fears, pleasures, guilt and pain.
We all have secrets.
Yes...and I know them all.
If I didn't hate you, I would love you.
You do already, and you know it.
Perhaps. What does it matter?
In the end, we all turn to dust to reunite with the earth that spawned us.
Cliched. You must be slipping.
Yes. I'm never good enough. For others. For myself.
Never good enough.
It's never enough.
in the end we're all greedy children tasting wanting more than what we already have never satisfied always demanding selfish more and more draining sucking others dry we're all children without innocence angry demanding selfish all about me first us first never regarding others we keep yelling shouting wanting asking for more begging pleading threatening crying throwing tantrums scheming planning plotting sneering twisting smiling wanting never enough always asking more more more corrupted innocence we scream cry sigh and fight its never enough and then we.......
You're losing it. Hold it together honey.
I'm not your honey.
Point. Nice touch about the children part. Could see it in you.
And in you too smartass.
We never really grow up, do we?
You didn't. I didn't. Not confirmed about the stinking masses though.
...hnnnft. Stinking masses?
Yeah, despite the cologne, perfume, deodorant, or whatever it is they wear.
It's not what they wear Chaos. It's who they are.
Who we all are.
Human.
Weak, ignorant, pathetic humans.
You really hate them don't you?
Yes. Why ask questions you already know the answer to?
Blame that on you. If you hate humanity, doesn't that include yourself?
Bravo Chaos. Absolute genius observation.
Quit the sarcasm. It doesn't work on me. Save it for the ignorant.
We're all ignorant Chaos. You, me, them. We're all ignorant.
Well at least you know that fact. They don't even know.
Some of them do. But not in the way I mean.
Naturally. You really need Kanai or Chengwei around for you to rant to though.
Kanai's asleep...or at least she'd better be, or else I would personally dose her with tranquilizers and make sure she stays comatose for at least a few days.
As for Chengwei, I can't even summon the will to open MSN to talk to him.
Provided he's there.
That too.
Isn't it odd how your life works? The ones you can really talk to are the ones furthest from you. Well Kanai is at any rate. Chengwei is still on the same island at least. But you two were never close before.
I know. It's easier that way. You'd know what I mean, don't you Chaos?
That's what you've been doing all this time.
....haha. Caught out. At least you'd figured it out on your own.
I'm not sure if I'm on my own anymore. How can I, with you around like a constant pain in the butt?
Gee, I'm sure that was a compliment. Weird, but knowing you, that's no surprise.
No it ain't all right. I feel better. Crazy, but better in a weird way.
Talking it out helps. Even if its with a psycho like me.
So you admit you ARE a psycho?
What's there not to admit? You're psycho too.
Insanity loves company. I guess we're a good pair aren't we?
Yes we are. A sick sad mad bad pair...
But a pair nevertheless.
Always and forever.
Always......
Quote:
I need you like water
Like breath, like rain
I need you like mercy
From heaven’s gate
I need you...
...but I can't have you...not now...
......not ever......
]
Simply f****** incredible.
I cried.
Don't mind her. She's a little...unstable now.
Pain. Pain of rejection. I could never do that well.
Can I?
Hush, you are too hard on yourself.
I'm not good at anything. I can't do well at anything. Always never good enough.
Shhh...
Always reaching for the sky. Never quite touching it.
What am I? Who am I?
Why am I like this?
....you still have me. You always will have me, like it or not.
I hate you.
Too bad. You're stuck with with me.
Angel...no one's my angel.
I am damned forever.
no one to care for me no one to save me we're drowning and no one sees no one cares we're all alone and hurting and nooneknowsnoonecaresithurtssomuchnooneknows
We are all so alone.
.........
What is wrong with me? No one knows.
I don't know either.
wallowing in self pity so weak so useless so helpless pathetic weak useless hopeless weakling fool coward foolish freak unreal crazy freak go away we don't want you you taint us like poison you suck the life out of everyone poison sick twisted evil freak we DON'T WANT YOU around just leave go away uselessfreaknoonewantsyousogoaway...
Poison. You taint me Chaos.
....no. We tainted each other.
Why can't we stop hurting each other?
Because you love the pain.
............................
Because you can't imagine life without it.
................
Because it is a part of YOU.
Stop.
Stop.
Just stop it.
Don't wanna hear it? Too bad. Stop running away my little wolf.
Running? I'm no wolf Chaos.
No. What are you indeed?
I don't know. I don't know what I am.
Am I more or less of a human?
....No....you ARE human. Pity
Pity? That all you can say?
....no. It is all you can say.
Pity. Such pity.
...that you don't need. I know.
You know. They don't. I don't.
We all don't.
Except you.
But even you don't either.
.....perhaps.
What am I doing to myself?
Hurting. You're hurting yourself.
And in the end, no one knows.
They never did believe.
Who would? It's easier not to. You're still the bright girl that everybody sees. That everybody wants to see.
Either that or the surly, unfriendly girl who scowls at visitors.
That too. You're still hurting.
Hurting me. Hurting them.
What does it matter?
Even me?
You know the answer to that.
Yes. Yes I do.
We all have our little secrets don't we, Chaos?
Our skeletons in the closet.
Our dirty linen.
Our secret fears, pleasures, guilt and pain.
We all have secrets.
Yes...and I know them all.
If I didn't hate you, I would love you.
You do already, and you know it.
Perhaps. What does it matter?
In the end, we all turn to dust to reunite with the earth that spawned us.
Cliched. You must be slipping.
Yes. I'm never good enough. For others. For myself.
Never good enough.
It's never enough.
in the end we're all greedy children tasting wanting more than what we already have never satisfied always demanding selfish more and more draining sucking others dry we're all children without innocence angry demanding selfish all about me first us first never regarding others we keep yelling shouting wanting asking for more begging pleading threatening crying throwing tantrums scheming planning plotting sneering twisting smiling wanting never enough always asking more more more corrupted innocence we scream cry sigh and fight its never enough and then we.......
You're losing it. Hold it together honey.
I'm not your honey.
Point. Nice touch about the children part. Could see it in you.
And in you too smartass.
We never really grow up, do we?
You didn't. I didn't. Not confirmed about the stinking masses though.
...hnnnft. Stinking masses?
Yeah, despite the cologne, perfume, deodorant, or whatever it is they wear.
It's not what they wear Chaos. It's who they are.
Who we all are.
Human.
Weak, ignorant, pathetic humans.
You really hate them don't you?
Yes. Why ask questions you already know the answer to?
Blame that on you. If you hate humanity, doesn't that include yourself?
Bravo Chaos. Absolute genius observation.
Quit the sarcasm. It doesn't work on me. Save it for the ignorant.
We're all ignorant Chaos. You, me, them. We're all ignorant.
Well at least you know that fact. They don't even know.
Some of them do. But not in the way I mean.
Naturally. You really need Kanai or Chengwei around for you to rant to though.
Kanai's asleep...or at least she'd better be, or else I would personally dose her with tranquilizers and make sure she stays comatose for at least a few days.
As for Chengwei, I can't even summon the will to open MSN to talk to him.
Provided he's there.
That too.
Isn't it odd how your life works? The ones you can really talk to are the ones furthest from you. Well Kanai is at any rate. Chengwei is still on the same island at least. But you two were never close before.
I know. It's easier that way. You'd know what I mean, don't you Chaos?
That's what you've been doing all this time.
....haha. Caught out. At least you'd figured it out on your own.
I'm not sure if I'm on my own anymore. How can I, with you around like a constant pain in the butt?
Gee, I'm sure that was a compliment. Weird, but knowing you, that's no surprise.
No it ain't all right. I feel better. Crazy, but better in a weird way.
Talking it out helps. Even if its with a psycho like me.
So you admit you ARE a psycho?
What's there not to admit? You're psycho too.
Insanity loves company. I guess we're a good pair aren't we?
Yes we are. A sick sad mad bad pair...
But a pair nevertheless.
Always and forever.
Always......
Quote:
I need you like water
Like breath, like rain
I need you like mercy
From heaven’s gate
I need you...
...but I can't have you...not now...
......not ever......
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