Tuesday, March 28, 2006
We're apostles that aren't. Believers that don't believe. Followers that don't follow. Visionaries that can't see. We're servants of the Death, every one of us. And we await our Lord's forgiveness. We defeat His enemies, yielding the sword in the shadows of the night, poisoning the dinner. We're killers just like Judas Iscariot!
We sold our God for thirty silver coins; we put an end to our lives hanging ourselves with a rope. Together we have fallen to the deepest pits of Hell. Together we rose and formed an army. We'll fight against the 7,405,926 demons of Hell until the Final Judgment Day!
I just adore the Iscariot Division, or Section XIII, as they are also known.
If they did exist, I would join them. Because that's what I am. A believer that doesn't believe. A follower that doesn't follow.So too, a visionary that cannot see. Ironic, isn't it?
I await the Lord's forgiveness, but know that I will be condemned to Hell for my sins, just like Judas Iscariot before me. It is...inevitable.
Judas Iscariot is probably one of the most maligned characters in the Bible. He keeps getting portrayed as the bad guy, which he probably is, since he did betray Jesus for 30 silver coins. However, one fails to realise that he is necessary. His act of betrayal sets in motion the chain of events that lead to Jesus dying on the cross, and subsequently His ressurection.
I'm not saying that Judas did a good thing. He did a very bad thing indeed, and he is forever consigned to the flames of Hell for his misdeed. But yet, it was his misdeed that gave humanity its greatest gift of salvation. Judas Iscariot, in effect, served the Lord in his own little way and ended up in Hell for it. Interesting contrast, wouldn't you say?
We all serve God in our own ways. Even the Devil is there for a reason. I have a somewhat cynical view of why the Devil is necessary, but I won't air them here. Suffice to say though, Lucifer and his minions are somehow necessary to the greater cause. I know not what it is, only that it is probably there for a reason.
I came by this line of thought when I contrasted the fate of Zedar in the Belgariad by David Eddings with Judas Iscariot. Zedar, in the book, betrayed his Master and joined the other side. This alludes to the Biblical example of how Judas Iscariot betrays Jesus.
Also, in the book, Zedar ends up being the one who finds Eriond, who (*MAJOR SPOILER for Mallorean!!*) turns out to be the true God of Angarak and the one who will unite the world in peace and harmony under his rule. Kinda sounds familiar to what our Lord Jesus Christ is supposed to do eh? I knew David Eddings had inserted mythical fishhooks intended to grip the reader, but to steal from the Bible...? Wicked cool! XD
Oh yeah, a final word. Zedar ends up being entombed alive in stone under the ruins of Cthol Mishrak after that fateful battle at the end of the Belgariad. That's his reward for finding mankind's salvation in the form of Eriond. Judas Iscariot ends up in Hell for setting in motion events that would pave the way to Jesus's death and ressurection, an event which pays for the sins of mankind. Anyone who hasn't seen the connection by now ought to be shot immediately.
I'm not sure if there was any point to discussing Judas's role in the Bible the way I have, but it was just an alternative view that I thought would be interesting. You would think that judging by the way I argued my case, that I would be a believer in Christ. But there is only one thing I have to say about that, and I've said it in the opening paragraph of this post.
We're apostles that aren't. Believers that don't believe. Followers that don't follow. Visionaries that can't see.
I would like to highlight the phrase 'believers that don't believe'. Because that's what I am. I believe, but yet I don't. I'm damned just like Judas Iscariot, because in my own way, I have betrayed the Lord by turning my back deliberately on His loving grace.
So, pretty much, I'm going to Hell when I die. Some twisted part of me welcomes that fact. Another part of me cries out for salvation, a part I deny with my last breath. But it is there nevertheless. I can't get rid of it, since it is a part of me as much as my soul is a part of me.
It's odd how calm I am about this. I believe I am necessary, but I don't really think that my going to Hell is a necessity, even though I'm doing it anyway. We are all cogs in a great machine, pawns across a greater chessboard. We're all part of something we don't understand, no matter how much we try.
For how can a pawn see the greater board upon which it is played? How indeed, can the blinkered horse see beyond what it is allowed to see by the rider that guides it? It is just so that we are similarly confined, and though some can see, if only marginally, none of us can truly grasp the whole.
The greater truth that all of us reach towards, consciously or unconsciously, is thus obscured. For we are only human, and from dust we are made, and so whence we will return, flawed as we are.
Amen.
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