Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Confound it, Witchhunter Robin has some really great song lyrics. As if Half-Pain didn't speak strongly enough to me, I went and looked at the opening song, Shell, and discovered that heck, it fits me too!
Take a look and see for yourself.
It's like I'll disappear as soon as I close my eyes
I feel like I've turned into someone that even I don't recognize
Sadly, I've become so small
I want to be rescued, but instead of sighing
I vomited up my loneliness, and just lay there, measuring it all up
Amidst this drop of time gone dry
My heart is drowning and writhing
These lies that make me dizzy
I took them and tore them up
And with that,
I became lost
In a world of thin darkness. [1]
For the sake of those whom I should trust
I chose to come here, a cage into which I've locked myself, and now there's no escape.
Deep inside my parched throat
Lies the reason for this growing impermanence [2]
Scared of the approaching tomorrow
I cower and collapse
But it seeks me out and whispers to me
This voice of thin darkness. [1]
Amidst this drop of time gone dry
My heart is drowning and writhing
These lies that make me dizzy
I took them and tore them up
And with that, I became lost
In a world of thin darkness.
Translator's Notes:
[1] "Usuyami" can mean a dilute blackness or thinned-out darkness.
[2] The kanji for "riyuu" is here pronounced "wake".
It is so fitting. Let's analyse the lines that I feel suited me.
It's like I'll disappear as soon as I close my eyes
I feel like I've turned into someone that even I don't recognize
Yeah, that's how I feel. Definitely someone I don't recognise. A shadow of myself, or just shattered reflections?
I want to be rescued, but instead of sighing
I vomited up my loneliness, and just lay there, measuring it all up
Another apt line. It's not like I don't want to be saved, but I end up preferring to wallow in my own loneliness and inspect it. Doh.
For the sake of those whom I should trust
I chose to come here, a cage into which I've locked myself, and now there's no escape.
For my father. I should trust him, but it was because of him that I took the first step into caging my emotions, and then myself. And yes, now there's no escape. I was supposed to be strong when he was falling apart, so I had no time for my own grief. Nothing but stolen moments, barely enough to nurse the gaping wound back to health. I cried into my pillow on some nights, but put on a cheerful demeanour in front of him. I had, in a very literal sense, backed myself into a corner. And now I can't get out of the shadows anymore.
Scared of the approaching tomorrow
I cower and collapse
But it seeks me out and whispers to me
This voice of thin darkness.
That's what I am, ultimately. I'm afraid of the future and what it will bring, and I'm at the very edge of my sanity at times. And at night, I hear them whisper, a hissing sussuration that chills and claws at me. Many times I've turned, shocked, when I heard that tiny voice murmuring words I'm afraid to accept.
The title of the song is apt. I'm simply a shell of myself, pretending yet not pretending. I've become that empty mask I wore to conceal the reality, and now I can't find reality anymore.
I've backed myself into a corner filled with shadows, and in the light of the rising sun, I cower away and instead watch the pain ooze out from the pores of my skin to join with the writhing darkness I had entered.
In the words of Half-Pain:
A long time ago, I threw out my brightness
And like the light of the morning sun, it can never return.
]
Take a look and see for yourself.
It's like I'll disappear as soon as I close my eyes
I feel like I've turned into someone that even I don't recognize
Sadly, I've become so small
I want to be rescued, but instead of sighing
I vomited up my loneliness, and just lay there, measuring it all up
Amidst this drop of time gone dry
My heart is drowning and writhing
These lies that make me dizzy
I took them and tore them up
And with that,
I became lost
In a world of thin darkness. [1]
For the sake of those whom I should trust
I chose to come here, a cage into which I've locked myself, and now there's no escape.
Deep inside my parched throat
Lies the reason for this growing impermanence [2]
Scared of the approaching tomorrow
I cower and collapse
But it seeks me out and whispers to me
This voice of thin darkness. [1]
Amidst this drop of time gone dry
My heart is drowning and writhing
These lies that make me dizzy
I took them and tore them up
And with that, I became lost
In a world of thin darkness.
Translator's Notes:
[1] "Usuyami" can mean a dilute blackness or thinned-out darkness.
[2] The kanji for "riyuu" is here pronounced "wake".
It is so fitting. Let's analyse the lines that I feel suited me.
It's like I'll disappear as soon as I close my eyes
I feel like I've turned into someone that even I don't recognize
Yeah, that's how I feel. Definitely someone I don't recognise. A shadow of myself, or just shattered reflections?
I want to be rescued, but instead of sighing
I vomited up my loneliness, and just lay there, measuring it all up
Another apt line. It's not like I don't want to be saved, but I end up preferring to wallow in my own loneliness and inspect it. Doh.
For the sake of those whom I should trust
I chose to come here, a cage into which I've locked myself, and now there's no escape.
For my father. I should trust him, but it was because of him that I took the first step into caging my emotions, and then myself. And yes, now there's no escape. I was supposed to be strong when he was falling apart, so I had no time for my own grief. Nothing but stolen moments, barely enough to nurse the gaping wound back to health. I cried into my pillow on some nights, but put on a cheerful demeanour in front of him. I had, in a very literal sense, backed myself into a corner. And now I can't get out of the shadows anymore.
Scared of the approaching tomorrow
I cower and collapse
But it seeks me out and whispers to me
This voice of thin darkness.
That's what I am, ultimately. I'm afraid of the future and what it will bring, and I'm at the very edge of my sanity at times. And at night, I hear them whisper, a hissing sussuration that chills and claws at me. Many times I've turned, shocked, when I heard that tiny voice murmuring words I'm afraid to accept.
The title of the song is apt. I'm simply a shell of myself, pretending yet not pretending. I've become that empty mask I wore to conceal the reality, and now I can't find reality anymore.
I've backed myself into a corner filled with shadows, and in the light of the rising sun, I cower away and instead watch the pain ooze out from the pores of my skin to join with the writhing darkness I had entered.
In the words of Half-Pain:
A long time ago, I threw out my brightness
And like the light of the morning sun, it can never return.
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