Thursday, June 08, 2006
I hope you guys appreciated the little fairytale in my last post. SKU-inspired, that one.
I had just gotten round to thinking who I most resemble personality-wise in that show. And the sad realisation was that if I had anything in common with the Duelists, the person that I came closest to was probably Kaoru Miki. Yeah its depressing. Sigh.
Because while I want to be like Juri, I realise I'm not her. Damn.
So why do I say I'm most like Miki? Why don't I just detail why I'm not like the rest of the Duelists first before I answer that?
First off, I'm not like Touga, because that guy sleeps around way too much, and is an Akio-wannabe who craves power and control. I like power and control, but I don't go to the ends Touga does to achieve that.
Then, his sister Nanami. One, I do not have a brother complex. Two, I have never resorted to violent means to remove people from the attention of the object of my affection (well not really anyway). But I do agree that I have a slight dependency problem the way Nanami does with her brother Touga.
Then there's Saionji. First off, I do not smack people around. Secondly, I do not have anger management issues. Although, admittedly, I have the same issues of insecurity and worthlessness that Saionji seems to have.
And there's my favorite girl, Juri! Well, she's cold and aloof on the surface to most people. Except Shiori, who gets under her skin with relative ease. And in a bad way too. Juri is the symbol of a fallen angel, of lost faith. She doesn't believe in miracles anymore, and wants desperately to prove it wrong......even though deep inside a part of her, she even more desperately hopes that she is wrong, and that a miracle will happen to bring her and Shiori together. She's strong and fragile all at the same time. In a sense, I'm a lot like her, yet not like her. She's stronger than me, but also more fragile than me. I'm not as cold, and I do have some faith...somewhere. I love my Juri-sempai, because let's just face it, how can you not love her? Ok I'm rambling, so let's just move on.
Ok and we come to Utena. Duh. What part of me is like her? She's noble, she's full of hope, she's idealistic. Everything I'm not. Blah. But she believes in dreams...and I do too, sometimes.
There's Anthy, who doesn't really count as a Duelist, but what the heck. No way am I as passive. Of course, a doll has more emotions than her...sometimes. She gets creepy eyes occasionally. Like she knows everything and nobody knows that she knows. I'm not that good an actress. Although the part about being numb to pain draws a strange parallel...not too strongly, but some.
Oh we can't forget Akio. Manipulative, I'm a rank amateur compared to the man. Seductive...are you kidding? I've never even had a serious relationship before. And I don't think I've ever flirted with anybody offline. Haha. But him being the fallen version of Dios, that part I understand. He's darker and he takes enjoyment in controlling the fates of others like pawns across a chessboard. I'm not quite that evil, but I do get a thrill from manipulating people. Who doesn't? :P
Now we come to the rest of the SKU crew. Wakaba. I'm not as genki for sure. Although at times....hmm. I don't really know what to make of her really. She did become one of the Black Rose Duelists though. That says a lot. Haha.
Kanae...well...let's just say that someone who believes that Akio is essentially a good man must be blind. Akio is anything but a good, gentle person. Sigh.
Shiori. I don't know what to make of the girl. She's cruelly innocent, as termed by Juri. She can be extremely evil and manipulative in her dealings with Juri, as seen in Adolescence Mokushiroku. That's the movie btw. Mostly I think she's just jealous of Juri. I'm not like that really. Actually, I can't remember ever being deliberately as cruel as Shiori has been to any of my friends. At least I hope not. Sometimes, you can inflict hurt unknowingly...how well I know that!
And Kozue, Miki's sister. Who sleeps around even more than Touga. And can possibly rival Akio in terms of number of conquests. She's a wild child, quite on purpose I believe, to make her brother uncomfortable. I'm not sure what exactly to say about her, except that she makes a strangely fitting pairing with Juri. Yeah I'm into weird pairings. So sue me, I'm like that.
And finally, we come to Miki himself. Mainly, I think the realisation that I resemble Miki stems from his search for his 'shining thing'. I've read many theories on what the 'shining thing' is, what it means, or what it connotates. The thing that came closest to explain it probably is the one that suggests that Miki is searching for the light that he and his sister shared as children, when they were always together and everything was alright. Basically, that vision was ruined (its a long story) by an incident. And Miki continues to search for that connection, that light, the 'shining thing' that he experienced as a boy.
I'm similar in that respect. My childhood was a happy one, albeit an ordinary and very mundane one. It was filled with warmth and light and love, and then it was gone. I guess like Miki, I'm searching for my shining thing too. Add that to the fact that he's so passive, like I am, and the fact that he is very smart, like me too (haha ego strikes again), and you can see why I'm very much like Miki. At least I don't have that annoying stopwatch-clicking habit though. Lol. And I can't fence like Miki. And I can't play the piano. Hmm. Oh well, I'm not identical to him (thank Dios I'm not).
Actually I see a bit of myself reflected in all the Utena characters. Shows how dysfunctional I am really. On one hand, I'm really normal. On the other hand, I'm also really not. Life is hard that way. Full of contradictions.
I feel like Utena, wanting to be a Prince to someone. *cough* And sometimes I feel like Anthy, hoping that someone can come and save me. Sometimes I behave like Akio...and then revert back to Dios. I want to be wild like Kozue, and have someone to lean on like Nanami does. I want to be in control like Touga desires, and I have issues with self-worth like Saionji does. Juri, well, the lost faith and the fallen angel bit says it all.
Yes I have issues. No, I don't really care. Because despite knowing all my issues, I know that it's all a lie in the end and everything will work out somehow, for better or for worse. Because at the end of the day I'm still a disgustingly normal high school student with an obsession with anime that have unusual themes. Yeah I went and watched Angel Sanctuary. Now I want to buy the manga. Yes I'm strange, because I don't feel repulsed by the fact that there are blatantly incestous couples in the story. Hey, I'm a Utena fan, of course I don't have issues with incest.
Yes and no. No and never. Never and again. Again and we're back to where we begun, ready to play again.
Aren't you?
]
I had just gotten round to thinking who I most resemble personality-wise in that show. And the sad realisation was that if I had anything in common with the Duelists, the person that I came closest to was probably Kaoru Miki. Yeah its depressing. Sigh.
Because while I want to be like Juri, I realise I'm not her. Damn.
So why do I say I'm most like Miki? Why don't I just detail why I'm not like the rest of the Duelists first before I answer that?
First off, I'm not like Touga, because that guy sleeps around way too much, and is an Akio-wannabe who craves power and control. I like power and control, but I don't go to the ends Touga does to achieve that.
Then, his sister Nanami. One, I do not have a brother complex. Two, I have never resorted to violent means to remove people from the attention of the object of my affection (well not really anyway). But I do agree that I have a slight dependency problem the way Nanami does with her brother Touga.
Then there's Saionji. First off, I do not smack people around. Secondly, I do not have anger management issues. Although, admittedly, I have the same issues of insecurity and worthlessness that Saionji seems to have.
And there's my favorite girl, Juri! Well, she's cold and aloof on the surface to most people. Except Shiori, who gets under her skin with relative ease. And in a bad way too. Juri is the symbol of a fallen angel, of lost faith. She doesn't believe in miracles anymore, and wants desperately to prove it wrong......even though deep inside a part of her, she even more desperately hopes that she is wrong, and that a miracle will happen to bring her and Shiori together. She's strong and fragile all at the same time. In a sense, I'm a lot like her, yet not like her. She's stronger than me, but also more fragile than me. I'm not as cold, and I do have some faith...somewhere. I love my Juri-sempai, because let's just face it, how can you not love her? Ok I'm rambling, so let's just move on.
Ok and we come to Utena. Duh. What part of me is like her? She's noble, she's full of hope, she's idealistic. Everything I'm not. Blah. But she believes in dreams...and I do too, sometimes.
There's Anthy, who doesn't really count as a Duelist, but what the heck. No way am I as passive. Of course, a doll has more emotions than her...sometimes. She gets creepy eyes occasionally. Like she knows everything and nobody knows that she knows. I'm not that good an actress. Although the part about being numb to pain draws a strange parallel...not too strongly, but some.
Oh we can't forget Akio. Manipulative, I'm a rank amateur compared to the man. Seductive...are you kidding? I've never even had a serious relationship before. And I don't think I've ever flirted with anybody offline. Haha. But him being the fallen version of Dios, that part I understand. He's darker and he takes enjoyment in controlling the fates of others like pawns across a chessboard. I'm not quite that evil, but I do get a thrill from manipulating people. Who doesn't? :P
Now we come to the rest of the SKU crew. Wakaba. I'm not as genki for sure. Although at times....hmm. I don't really know what to make of her really. She did become one of the Black Rose Duelists though. That says a lot. Haha.
Kanae...well...let's just say that someone who believes that Akio is essentially a good man must be blind. Akio is anything but a good, gentle person. Sigh.
Shiori. I don't know what to make of the girl. She's cruelly innocent, as termed by Juri. She can be extremely evil and manipulative in her dealings with Juri, as seen in Adolescence Mokushiroku. That's the movie btw. Mostly I think she's just jealous of Juri. I'm not like that really. Actually, I can't remember ever being deliberately as cruel as Shiori has been to any of my friends. At least I hope not. Sometimes, you can inflict hurt unknowingly...how well I know that!
And Kozue, Miki's sister. Who sleeps around even more than Touga. And can possibly rival Akio in terms of number of conquests. She's a wild child, quite on purpose I believe, to make her brother uncomfortable. I'm not sure what exactly to say about her, except that she makes a strangely fitting pairing with Juri. Yeah I'm into weird pairings. So sue me, I'm like that.
And finally, we come to Miki himself. Mainly, I think the realisation that I resemble Miki stems from his search for his 'shining thing'. I've read many theories on what the 'shining thing' is, what it means, or what it connotates. The thing that came closest to explain it probably is the one that suggests that Miki is searching for the light that he and his sister shared as children, when they were always together and everything was alright. Basically, that vision was ruined (its a long story) by an incident. And Miki continues to search for that connection, that light, the 'shining thing' that he experienced as a boy.
I'm similar in that respect. My childhood was a happy one, albeit an ordinary and very mundane one. It was filled with warmth and light and love, and then it was gone. I guess like Miki, I'm searching for my shining thing too. Add that to the fact that he's so passive, like I am, and the fact that he is very smart, like me too (haha ego strikes again), and you can see why I'm very much like Miki. At least I don't have that annoying stopwatch-clicking habit though. Lol. And I can't fence like Miki. And I can't play the piano. Hmm. Oh well, I'm not identical to him (thank Dios I'm not).
Actually I see a bit of myself reflected in all the Utena characters. Shows how dysfunctional I am really. On one hand, I'm really normal. On the other hand, I'm also really not. Life is hard that way. Full of contradictions.
I feel like Utena, wanting to be a Prince to someone. *cough* And sometimes I feel like Anthy, hoping that someone can come and save me. Sometimes I behave like Akio...and then revert back to Dios. I want to be wild like Kozue, and have someone to lean on like Nanami does. I want to be in control like Touga desires, and I have issues with self-worth like Saionji does. Juri, well, the lost faith and the fallen angel bit says it all.
Yes I have issues. No, I don't really care. Because despite knowing all my issues, I know that it's all a lie in the end and everything will work out somehow, for better or for worse. Because at the end of the day I'm still a disgustingly normal high school student with an obsession with anime that have unusual themes. Yeah I went and watched Angel Sanctuary. Now I want to buy the manga. Yes I'm strange, because I don't feel repulsed by the fact that there are blatantly incestous couples in the story. Hey, I'm a Utena fan, of course I don't have issues with incest.
Yes and no. No and never. Never and again. Again and we're back to where we begun, ready to play again.
Aren't you?
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