Saturday, June 17, 2006
Somehow over the night I realised something.
Of all the friends I've had, and by that I mean those that I actually count AS friends, I don't really expect most of them to be there. As in, if we don't see each other for ages and ages, I don't expect there to be really there anymore.
Kanai is an obvious exception. To this day I still don't understand it. We have never met. Our only connection is via online messaging and once, a video call. Somehow, she waited 2 years during my internet exile. Somehow, I came back, and after the initial awkwardness (since 2 years does several things to one's personality), we're back to normal again...or as normal as we ever were.
Somehow, at the back of my mind, I just know that friendships don't last forever, and I don't expect them to. Probably because I don't make them last long enough. Because I don't try to keep the friendship intact. As everyone who knows me should know (and if they don't, I'm telling them now), I never take the first step. Never. I can't remember the last time I took the first step for virtually anything, except when in group activities and nobody wants to take up the dirty job, in which case I usually end up volunteering because I can't stand the wishy washiness anymore.
That's probably why friendships (with the usual exception) don't last long with me. I just don't take the step to preserving it. Probably because I'm always ready to run away than fix things. No I don't really stop when it comes to punching myself with all these observations. Probably because on some level I enjoy punishing myself. Yes, I might actually turn out to be a BDSM fanatic in the closet. Who knows? I'll tell you when I find out for real...if I ever get lucky, maybe.
Friends. Watching PGSM (yes I got the whole series and watched it in two days. fear me!) and the whole cheesy routine of having to "awaken the power of the Senshi within" is a bit...hmm. But it has interesting implications when you see what each of the senshi are missing.
Usagi's awakening doesn't really count. She's the Princess, her situation's different.
Ok, so we start with Rei. She was missing trust. She could not put trust in people after the way her father betrayed her by abandoning her to the temple when she was only 5. It makes it hard for her to trust in other people, to believe that they can do things for her, to ask for their help. Sounds ridiculously familiar really. I won't elaborate, because if you can't get the hint after reading the rest of my blog, what the heck are you still doing here? New readers don't have to be offended if they don't get it though.
Then Ami. Personally I think she lacked confidence in herself and her abilities. The only talent she thought she had was in studying, and she threw herself into it. She lived for the approval of her mother, never daring to step out of bounds or actually think of what she wants for herself. I guess she just lacks the courage to believe that she can be good at other things other than studying (or battling youma as a senshi). Poor Ami. She really got shunted to the side in character development in PGSM. I mean, other than the Dark Mercury arc, we don't get much character development out of her except for the rare glimpses.
Makoto next. I guess hers was that she believed that she could never be anything but alone. That she was meant to be alone, due to the experiences in her life, where her parents died, and people generally walked in and out of her life without actually staying to care for her properly. Until she realised that she was NOT alone (thanks to Motoki), she could not awaken her power. Again, damn familiar. Haha.
Ahhhh!! Minako-chan next!!! *huggles Venus plushie* Yes I love Venus, mostly because she is so darn cool in PGSM. Sigh. Her problem, in this case, is that she was fighting to die. Yes, you saw that right. The fact that she had a terminal illness was weighing her down, and all she saw was death in her future, which is exactly WHY she was so focused on her past life's mission. I mean, hello, if all you can see in the future is you dying, I think the past looks a lot better in comparison. She lived for the past, and had no hope for the future, which is why she could not awaken her powers. Until episode 46 (ahhh the redemption episode!!), and with some help from episode 40 (my fav episode!!! kyaa!!), she finally realises that even if she dies from that terminal illness, she will not be forgotten. That she has reason to live in the present, and to fight for her future to live as Aino Minako, and not just Sailor Venus. Now I might be biased, but I think her awakening was the coolest...although Jupiter's one was fairly impressive (calling storm clouds and drawing the lightning down? wicked cool!).
And then Toei went ahead and got poor Mina killed off in the very next episode. Damn you Toei! Damn you!!
Although Rei's reaction was rather satisfying. Her agonised scream of Minako's name was a defining moment. It's a bit hard to deny the fact by then that Mars and Venus share a closer connection than the other senshi. As if the lesbian subtext wasn't strong enough in all those other episodes. Seriously. You can just cut the tension between those two with a knife. And Rei breaking down and crying even more than Usagi did (and who's the bigger Minako fan hmm?)...sheesh, if it still ain't obvious, you must be blind.
But I suspect that the whole Minako/Rei thing in PGSM is like overcompensating for the lack of Haruka/Michiru. After all, what is the Sailor Moon franchise without the obligatory lesbian couple? Kidding, just kidding. XD
I noticed a few plotholes along the way. Plot holes that could easily be filled with a fanfic....no, now is not the time for any extended project on some fanfic. Haha. I have a few good ideas though...and I am going to stick the Outers in by hook or by crook if I ever get down to writing a full length PGSM fic. Seriously. I was missing Haruka and Michiru quite badly. And Setsuna. And Hotaru. Ah wtf, I miss the whole set of Outers. They're just so much fun. Teehee.
Now that I've collected the whole set of PGSM...what's next? Collecting all 5 seasons of the anime? Or going after the Seramyu? O___o What a long way to go....
I have the whole series of WHR, and now PGSM. Planning to get Pretear. And Wolf's Rain, eventually. I might just go and grab DN Angel (Daisuke/Riku forever!! *cough*). And maybe, just maybe, I should collect Evangelion. I already have Kiddy Grade on boxset. And I could get SKU off Fionna. Sigh, anime collecting is harder than I thought...hmm...
I watched a couple of episodes of Angelic Layer, not too bad, but nothing really spectacular. You get the whole been-there-done-that vibe. But its pretty cute. Haha.
Anyway, I gotta go shower. Cya!
]
Of all the friends I've had, and by that I mean those that I actually count AS friends, I don't really expect most of them to be there. As in, if we don't see each other for ages and ages, I don't expect there to be really there anymore.
Kanai is an obvious exception. To this day I still don't understand it. We have never met. Our only connection is via online messaging and once, a video call. Somehow, she waited 2 years during my internet exile. Somehow, I came back, and after the initial awkwardness (since 2 years does several things to one's personality), we're back to normal again...or as normal as we ever were.
Somehow, at the back of my mind, I just know that friendships don't last forever, and I don't expect them to. Probably because I don't make them last long enough. Because I don't try to keep the friendship intact. As everyone who knows me should know (and if they don't, I'm telling them now), I never take the first step. Never. I can't remember the last time I took the first step for virtually anything, except when in group activities and nobody wants to take up the dirty job, in which case I usually end up volunteering because I can't stand the wishy washiness anymore.
That's probably why friendships (with the usual exception) don't last long with me. I just don't take the step to preserving it. Probably because I'm always ready to run away than fix things. No I don't really stop when it comes to punching myself with all these observations. Probably because on some level I enjoy punishing myself. Yes, I might actually turn out to be a BDSM fanatic in the closet. Who knows? I'll tell you when I find out for real...if I ever get lucky, maybe.
Friends. Watching PGSM (yes I got the whole series and watched it in two days. fear me!) and the whole cheesy routine of having to "awaken the power of the Senshi within" is a bit...hmm. But it has interesting implications when you see what each of the senshi are missing.
Usagi's awakening doesn't really count. She's the Princess, her situation's different.
Ok, so we start with Rei. She was missing trust. She could not put trust in people after the way her father betrayed her by abandoning her to the temple when she was only 5. It makes it hard for her to trust in other people, to believe that they can do things for her, to ask for their help. Sounds ridiculously familiar really. I won't elaborate, because if you can't get the hint after reading the rest of my blog, what the heck are you still doing here? New readers don't have to be offended if they don't get it though.
Then Ami. Personally I think she lacked confidence in herself and her abilities. The only talent she thought she had was in studying, and she threw herself into it. She lived for the approval of her mother, never daring to step out of bounds or actually think of what she wants for herself. I guess she just lacks the courage to believe that she can be good at other things other than studying (or battling youma as a senshi). Poor Ami. She really got shunted to the side in character development in PGSM. I mean, other than the Dark Mercury arc, we don't get much character development out of her except for the rare glimpses.
Makoto next. I guess hers was that she believed that she could never be anything but alone. That she was meant to be alone, due to the experiences in her life, where her parents died, and people generally walked in and out of her life without actually staying to care for her properly. Until she realised that she was NOT alone (thanks to Motoki), she could not awaken her power. Again, damn familiar. Haha.
Ahhhh!! Minako-chan next!!! *huggles Venus plushie* Yes I love Venus, mostly because she is so darn cool in PGSM. Sigh. Her problem, in this case, is that she was fighting to die. Yes, you saw that right. The fact that she had a terminal illness was weighing her down, and all she saw was death in her future, which is exactly WHY she was so focused on her past life's mission. I mean, hello, if all you can see in the future is you dying, I think the past looks a lot better in comparison. She lived for the past, and had no hope for the future, which is why she could not awaken her powers. Until episode 46 (ahhh the redemption episode!!), and with some help from episode 40 (my fav episode!!! kyaa!!), she finally realises that even if she dies from that terminal illness, she will not be forgotten. That she has reason to live in the present, and to fight for her future to live as Aino Minako, and not just Sailor Venus. Now I might be biased, but I think her awakening was the coolest...although Jupiter's one was fairly impressive (calling storm clouds and drawing the lightning down? wicked cool!).
And then Toei went ahead and got poor Mina killed off in the very next episode. Damn you Toei! Damn you!!
Although Rei's reaction was rather satisfying. Her agonised scream of Minako's name was a defining moment. It's a bit hard to deny the fact by then that Mars and Venus share a closer connection than the other senshi. As if the lesbian subtext wasn't strong enough in all those other episodes. Seriously. You can just cut the tension between those two with a knife. And Rei breaking down and crying even more than Usagi did (and who's the bigger Minako fan hmm?)...sheesh, if it still ain't obvious, you must be blind.
But I suspect that the whole Minako/Rei thing in PGSM is like overcompensating for the lack of Haruka/Michiru. After all, what is the Sailor Moon franchise without the obligatory lesbian couple? Kidding, just kidding. XD
I noticed a few plotholes along the way. Plot holes that could easily be filled with a fanfic....no, now is not the time for any extended project on some fanfic. Haha. I have a few good ideas though...and I am going to stick the Outers in by hook or by crook if I ever get down to writing a full length PGSM fic. Seriously. I was missing Haruka and Michiru quite badly. And Setsuna. And Hotaru. Ah wtf, I miss the whole set of Outers. They're just so much fun. Teehee.
Now that I've collected the whole set of PGSM...what's next? Collecting all 5 seasons of the anime? Or going after the Seramyu? O___o What a long way to go....
I have the whole series of WHR, and now PGSM. Planning to get Pretear. And Wolf's Rain, eventually. I might just go and grab DN Angel (Daisuke/Riku forever!! *cough*). And maybe, just maybe, I should collect Evangelion. I already have Kiddy Grade on boxset. And I could get SKU off Fionna. Sigh, anime collecting is harder than I thought...hmm...
I watched a couple of episodes of Angelic Layer, not too bad, but nothing really spectacular. You get the whole been-there-done-that vibe. But its pretty cute. Haha.
Anyway, I gotta go shower. Cya!
Comments:
Post a Comment
