Sunday, August 13, 2006
You are best described as:
CONSISTENTLY TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF
Words that describe you:
* Uncompromising
* Critical
* Tough
* Frank
* Discerning
* Skeptical
* Empirical
* Astute
* Shrewd
On the Openness Dimension you are:
SOMETIMES CURIOUS, SOMETIMES CONTENT
Words that describe you:
* Accepting
* Flexible
* Educated
* Self-aware
* Middle-of-the-road
* Proper
* Distinctive
* Indecisive
* Adaptable
On Emotional Stability you are:
STEADY
Words that describe you:
* Relaxed
* Even
* Unwavering
* Constant
* Certain
* Together
* Cool
* Detached
* Tranquil
Your approach toward your obligations is:
VERY FLEXIBLE
Words that describe you:
* Impulsive
* Instinctive
* Inefficient
* Erratic
* Careless
* Procrastinator
* Rule-breaker
* Impossible
* Intuitive
When it comes to Extraversion you are:
VERY RESERVED
Words that describe you:
* Quiet
* Reserved
* Deliberate
* Solitary
* Aloof
* Cautious
* Guarded
* Purposeful
* Meditative
-----------------------------------------------
Woohoo. This hits closer to home than I thought it would be. The part regarding my approach to my obligations made me laugh like crazy. The word "Impossible" really got me laughing. I mean, HAHAHAHAHA. Seriously.
*resists urge to show personality report to teachers*
Lol.
The emotional stability part got me thinking: as usual. Come to think of it, despite my occasional (some say frequent) trips into depression/madness, I'm still rather cool and detached from it all on a certain level. It's as if I'm pretending to be crazy and out of it, but deep down there is an ocean of calm (ok maybe not), or at least, a serenity that probably shouldn't be there considering my current circumstances.
My personality report, on the section titled "Agreeableness", really struck me by its accuracy. My approach to Chengwei and his problems (we all have problems, deal with it) completely matched the way how my report said I would handle it. I don't offer false compassion, no matter how much it might have been tempting to do so. Reality bites, and I feel obliged to inform others about it. Unfortunately, that includes myself, and it really REALLY sucks.
The Openness section of the report described me to a T, and its scary how accurate it really is. I won't go into detail, but suffice to say that it matches up to how I thought I was as a person when it comes to intellectual beliefs.
The Conscientiousness part (yes, the one that made me crack up) was also very fitting. I've driven teachers to a corner with my impractical behaviour one too many times. What I didn't realise that clearly was that it wasn't just sheer laziness that motivated me. I just didn't CARE. Period. But when I do, even if I'm late, I'll get it done in spectacular fashion. That's how I am. It probably will (and already has) drive many people insane, but it's as much a part of me as my shyness when it comes to large groups of people. They who keep talking about "changing oneself" sound very nice and helpful, but some things just don't change. Deal with it.
The Extraversion section didn't break any new ground, but it's nice to read about myself sometimes. Yes I'm self-absorbed. Well, at least I'm not busily poking my nose into everyone else's affairs. We're all entitled to our privacy I believe.
All in all, when I was reading the report, I find that the person being described there wasn't ALL bad. I wonder why I dislike myself so much hmm. From what I'm seeing, I'm, you know, not half bad. Lol. A bit lousy on the obligations side, but we all have our little flaws.
My one gripe was with the emotional stability bit. Read this:
When some of your friends can't contain their emotions they might turn to you as the steady rock, the stable one, the person who will remain composed and help talk and think them through their turmoil. You're just what they need, their calm, cool and collected friend, when their emotional world is falling apart.
Also, people who are as calm and secure as you and who, like you, are emotionally composed most of the time, will find you a friend they are comfortable with. They know that when the world goes upside down, and for everyone the world will occasionally stand on its head, you will be there, as secure and unflappable as they are, and are therefore a trustworthy companion through any emotional turmoil.
The FUCK. Excuse the language.
It seems that my post-Mother days of being the strong one for my dad seems to have integrated itself into my personality. I'm comfortable AND safe. No wonder konks has this idea that a certain someone treats me like a comfort friend, who is "always there" and therefore easy to fall back on.
...damnations.
I'm not irreplaceable. I'm just...you know, there. Like a tree. Or maybe a lamp-post. Calmly absorbing carbon dioxide and puffing out oxygen, or just spilling artificial light for the person leaning against me.
Lol. Comparing myself to trees and lamp posts. Interesting eh?
Can't help but think of Shizuru here though. The "calm, cool and collected friend" reminded me just TOO much of how Shizuru was for Natsuki...at least pre-Carnival. Always there, sitting in the Student Council room, sipping tea and teasing Natsuki...but always there for her. Blah. She's like...a constant. THE constant.
And it somehow hurts me to think that I'm just a constant too. Flattering, but hurting as well. Flattering, because, you know, I'm a part of their lives. Hurting, because they won't know or realise how they really feel about me until I'm gone. Whether they actually need me around. Heck, they probably won't even really get to know me, because deep down they feel that I will "always be around", and therefore there really isn't any pressing need to.
No wonder Shizuru snapped. I know part of that was due to the Obsidian Lord's influence, but under that kind of pressure...I'd snap too. But fortunately I don't feel quite as strongly as Shizuru does for Natsuki, so I'm still alright. Partially anyway.
But it must have been pretty tiring to always be the constant. You know, always the same, always there, changing and growing, yet still the same. Am I a constant for anybody? I can think of a couple of people. More or less.
So I'll continue being that comfortable old tree in the backdrop, providing shade and comfort for others, bearing the weight of my burdens without complaint. Just always being there, underappreciated. Not that I'm there for many people in school anymore.
After all, if I disappeared from school, barely anyone notices. The teachers mark down the absences, wonder a bit, then shrug and move on. They, after all, have a job to do. They don't have to prove a point to others.
The rest of my life? Kanai is there for me, but I'm unwilling to reach out to anybody right now. I can't even summon up energy to talk to people, other than the most basic interactions. I'm losing interest even in my favorite things. Except for reading. Because that's the constant for me I suppose.
Back to being a tree/lamp post again I suppose. Maybe I'll log on to MSN and pretend everything's alright for awhile. Doom, after all, doesn't come until tomorrow.
]
CONSISTENTLY TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF
Words that describe you:
* Uncompromising
* Critical
* Tough
* Frank
* Discerning
* Skeptical
* Empirical
* Astute
* Shrewd
On the Openness Dimension you are:
SOMETIMES CURIOUS, SOMETIMES CONTENT
Words that describe you:
* Accepting
* Flexible
* Educated
* Self-aware
* Middle-of-the-road
* Proper
* Distinctive
* Indecisive
* Adaptable
On Emotional Stability you are:
STEADY
Words that describe you:
* Relaxed
* Even
* Unwavering
* Constant
* Certain
* Together
* Cool
* Detached
* Tranquil
Your approach toward your obligations is:
VERY FLEXIBLE
Words that describe you:
* Impulsive
* Instinctive
* Inefficient
* Erratic
* Careless
* Procrastinator
* Rule-breaker
* Impossible
* Intuitive
When it comes to Extraversion you are:
VERY RESERVED
Words that describe you:
* Quiet
* Reserved
* Deliberate
* Solitary
* Aloof
* Cautious
* Guarded
* Purposeful
* Meditative
-----------------------------------------------
Woohoo. This hits closer to home than I thought it would be. The part regarding my approach to my obligations made me laugh like crazy. The word "Impossible" really got me laughing. I mean, HAHAHAHAHA. Seriously.
*resists urge to show personality report to teachers*
Lol.
The emotional stability part got me thinking: as usual. Come to think of it, despite my occasional (some say frequent) trips into depression/madness, I'm still rather cool and detached from it all on a certain level. It's as if I'm pretending to be crazy and out of it, but deep down there is an ocean of calm (ok maybe not), or at least, a serenity that probably shouldn't be there considering my current circumstances.
My personality report, on the section titled "Agreeableness", really struck me by its accuracy. My approach to Chengwei and his problems (we all have problems, deal with it) completely matched the way how my report said I would handle it. I don't offer false compassion, no matter how much it might have been tempting to do so. Reality bites, and I feel obliged to inform others about it. Unfortunately, that includes myself, and it really REALLY sucks.
The Openness section of the report described me to a T, and its scary how accurate it really is. I won't go into detail, but suffice to say that it matches up to how I thought I was as a person when it comes to intellectual beliefs.
The Conscientiousness part (yes, the one that made me crack up) was also very fitting. I've driven teachers to a corner with my impractical behaviour one too many times. What I didn't realise that clearly was that it wasn't just sheer laziness that motivated me. I just didn't CARE. Period. But when I do, even if I'm late, I'll get it done in spectacular fashion. That's how I am. It probably will (and already has) drive many people insane, but it's as much a part of me as my shyness when it comes to large groups of people. They who keep talking about "changing oneself" sound very nice and helpful, but some things just don't change. Deal with it.
The Extraversion section didn't break any new ground, but it's nice to read about myself sometimes. Yes I'm self-absorbed. Well, at least I'm not busily poking my nose into everyone else's affairs. We're all entitled to our privacy I believe.
All in all, when I was reading the report, I find that the person being described there wasn't ALL bad. I wonder why I dislike myself so much hmm. From what I'm seeing, I'm, you know, not half bad. Lol. A bit lousy on the obligations side, but we all have our little flaws.
My one gripe was with the emotional stability bit. Read this:
When some of your friends can't contain their emotions they might turn to you as the steady rock, the stable one, the person who will remain composed and help talk and think them through their turmoil. You're just what they need, their calm, cool and collected friend, when their emotional world is falling apart.
Also, people who are as calm and secure as you and who, like you, are emotionally composed most of the time, will find you a friend they are comfortable with. They know that when the world goes upside down, and for everyone the world will occasionally stand on its head, you will be there, as secure and unflappable as they are, and are therefore a trustworthy companion through any emotional turmoil.
The FUCK. Excuse the language.
It seems that my post-Mother days of being the strong one for my dad seems to have integrated itself into my personality. I'm comfortable AND safe. No wonder konks has this idea that a certain someone treats me like a comfort friend, who is "always there" and therefore easy to fall back on.
...damnations.
I'm not irreplaceable. I'm just...you know, there. Like a tree. Or maybe a lamp-post. Calmly absorbing carbon dioxide and puffing out oxygen, or just spilling artificial light for the person leaning against me.
Lol. Comparing myself to trees and lamp posts. Interesting eh?
Can't help but think of Shizuru here though. The "calm, cool and collected friend" reminded me just TOO much of how Shizuru was for Natsuki...at least pre-Carnival. Always there, sitting in the Student Council room, sipping tea and teasing Natsuki...but always there for her. Blah. She's like...a constant. THE constant.
And it somehow hurts me to think that I'm just a constant too. Flattering, but hurting as well. Flattering, because, you know, I'm a part of their lives. Hurting, because they won't know or realise how they really feel about me until I'm gone. Whether they actually need me around. Heck, they probably won't even really get to know me, because deep down they feel that I will "always be around", and therefore there really isn't any pressing need to.
No wonder Shizuru snapped. I know part of that was due to the Obsidian Lord's influence, but under that kind of pressure...I'd snap too. But fortunately I don't feel quite as strongly as Shizuru does for Natsuki, so I'm still alright. Partially anyway.
But it must have been pretty tiring to always be the constant. You know, always the same, always there, changing and growing, yet still the same. Am I a constant for anybody? I can think of a couple of people. More or less.
So I'll continue being that comfortable old tree in the backdrop, providing shade and comfort for others, bearing the weight of my burdens without complaint. Just always being there, underappreciated. Not that I'm there for many people in school anymore.
After all, if I disappeared from school, barely anyone notices. The teachers mark down the absences, wonder a bit, then shrug and move on. They, after all, have a job to do. They don't have to prove a point to others.
The rest of my life? Kanai is there for me, but I'm unwilling to reach out to anybody right now. I can't even summon up energy to talk to people, other than the most basic interactions. I'm losing interest even in my favorite things. Except for reading. Because that's the constant for me I suppose.
Back to being a tree/lamp post again I suppose. Maybe I'll log on to MSN and pretend everything's alright for awhile. Doom, after all, doesn't come until tomorrow.
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